i'm a member on the boards but I decided to post this anoniymous. first off i have to confess this. a number of years ago, i spent the night over my gal friend's house for a few days. she was a non believer. We were sleeping in the same bed and we ended up doing some things sexually that shouldn't have been done. I never told anyone about it because i was so ashamed. i repented several times, but to this day i still feel guilty. not only that, but i have a lot of trouble with purity. i try to think pure thoughs but i end up thinking sexual thoughts often. i'm not into pornography, but i struggle with masturbation too. ike i said, i never talk to anyone about this because for the most part all my friends and family see me as a very spiritual person and girls are not suppose to go through things like this. i try to be a good christian but its this sin in my life that makes me feel so condemned. i feel like even if i'm a virgin i've still lost a lot of my purity. i was also abused by my baby sitter when i was younger so i feel unpure because of that too. i think it contributed to my problem. i also feel like God can't hear my prayers or work through me because i have active sin in my life. i want so much to be free and be everything that God wants me to be. i felt like i should tell someoen but i'm not ready to talk about it to anyone close to me. if you could hlep me thank you.

-Anon.

I don't think that ist is bad unless you have feelings for that person. If you have feelings for that person then it is ok but if you don't then its something to feel bad about. If you don't have any diseses or anything. God will forgive you of corse and don't feel bad about it. Once it's done it's done and you can't change the past so put it behind you.

First let me say that i urge you to talk to a someone who is trained to deal with these kind of problems.
Now i will tell you that i will be praying for you...just the fact that you want help is a very good sign...yes you have made some mistakes and some of them were not your fault but our God is a God of second chances...and there is not one here that can cast that first stone...at least i know i cant because i have had to work out things in my life too.
I know this this sounds basic but but have you asked God for forgiveness?...if you had then he has promised to forgive you and thats that!!! then (i know this sounds radical) ask him to fill you with the Holy Spirit because we can not live a overcoming life with his help.
Once again i urge to talk to a professional there is help out there...and be sure that i will be praying for you.... Be encouraged... God has made a good living delivering people out of issues that like you have :)
Be blessed and keep us informed

John

If you have truely repented and you say that God isn't listening then you are saying that you are telling him what he can and cannot forgive. He forgives all so he forgave you and loves you and wants to help you with this.

It takes time for anything to happen when you pray or repent to God. I do agree with everyone esle

God is powerful and forgiving. He forgives all sins. When you repent, you have to believe that God will forgive you. Have faith that he'll change you and forgive you.

I'll also be praying.

good words john.

you asked for forgiveness and repeanted (which is really good), remember that our God is able to forgive us. When you repeant with a sincere heart, He forgives you. If you feel more guilt after that, it is satan trying to bring condemnation on you ( ie. "do you really think He forgave you? God can't use someone like you. you messed up too bad.")

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

what happened between you and your babysitter was not your fault. though i do feel you need to tell someone (whether it be a pastor, accountability partner, spiritual mentor - someone you trust and holds the same values as you). it is not good to keep all of those emotions bottled up inside of you.

as far as what happend between you and that girl - that was your fault. *no i am not condeming you.* being in the same bed with someone when you are not married opens the door to all sorts of temptation (never a smart move). and it is harder to keep your thoughts pure. we are to flee from the lusts of our flesh [see 2 Timothy 2:22]. You opened your mind and emotions to that, sure you may still be a physical virgin, but in your heart you have already commited adultery [Matthew 5:28]. Which means that now it will be even harder (though not impossible) for you to keep your mind pure and on the things of God.

the more you open yourself up to stuff, the more of struggle it is to glorify God in your thought-life. don't give up though, it isn't impossible. In Him you will find victory. it'll just be more work than it was before.

you need to set boundries, restraints on yourself. not to harm you, but to help you. do not allow yourself to be in that type of situation ever again. (nor allow yourself to be around enviornments that will stirr up those passions within you, passions that were awakened before their time.) if you don't have one already, i encourage you to get an accoutability partner (someone of the same sex) to keep you in check - again, not to discourage you. but rather, to encourage you in your walk with Christ as you strive to live for Him.

it won't be on your strength alone because in and of yourself it will be impossible. "...The things that are impossible with men are possible with God." Luke 18:27 In Him you will find the strength you need.

everyday as you get up, remind the Lord (making up your mind) that you desire to live pure in His sight, to live the life that He created you to live. and that you will need His strength and wisdom in order to overcome this.

i pray that this spoke to you and encouraged you. if you ever need to talk - send me a PM (even if i know who you are, it won't make a difference, but i do understand if you would rather talk about it on the mb here and keep your identity hidden. *if you try to send me a pm as a guest, i cannot reply to you.*)

so be encouraged - God still has mighty plans for you.

blessings.

Theelectric3 put some very good advice up there. Dido. :)

I know someone who is going through a similar situation. I might be able to give some advice, and you can send a PM if you want. But like theelectric3 said, you should have an accountability partner to talk to who is the same gender as you.
So, what gender are you?

I'm praying for you right now. Never doubt the power of God. Sometimes we have to choose to believe that we are forgiven, even if we don't feel that we are forgiven. Feelings aren't always right, and they change..............but the truth of God's grace never changes. It is something you can firmly stand on. :)

sorry, i meant to mention that i'm a girl. Thanks everyone for replying.

and yes, I've asked God for forgiveness. i'm just discouraged because in the past i've heard of people being delivered from drugs and alchohol and all kinds of things when they got saved, and here i've been a christian for years and i'm still struggling in the same mess. i've stood up in church to repent, i've asked God to fill me with the spirit, but i'm just stuck. i really don't know what to do. i don't feel like he's given up on me just that i've let sin overrun my life and it won't leave, and because of that God can't use me the way he wants to. i cant' talk to anyone about it because the thought of saying this aloud only scares me to death. i know i shouldn't care what other people think but i do. everyone thinks i'm in control and have a good relationship with God. People look up to me and i don't want to do anything like come out and say that i have sexual problems. i know i'm not expected to be perfect, but i just couldn't talk about it. i want to, but i just can't.

Please email me. I've got some things that I could offer you - might be of some help. lasthonestlook@hotmail.com

i've had a similar embarrasing problem... including masturbation and an addiction to pornography... and i've felt JUST LIKE you do... ashamed, like God could never be close to me, like i could never have "it all together" again.

but one of the things i've realized that's made me oh-so-strong is that the bible tells us to confess our sins to one another... and i know it sounds SO crazy and freaky, but serious, it works... i'm no longer very afraid of anything about me.. this is how i can sit here and tell the world that i've had a masturbation problem and that i'm saved... because it's under the blood of the lamb...

pray about it... read the word and tell a trusted friend.

and yes, I've asked God for forgiveness. i'm just discouraged because in the past i've heard of people being delivered from drugs and alchohol and all kinds of things when they got saved, and here i've been a christian for years and i'm still struggling in the same mess. i've stood up in church to repent, i've asked God to fill me with the spirit, but i'm just stuck. i really don't know what to do. i don't feel like he's given up on me just that i've let sin overrun my life and it won't leave, and because of that God can't use me the way he wants to. i cant' talk to anyone about it because the thought of saying this aloud only scares me to death. i know i shouldn't care what other people think but i do. everyone thinks i'm in control and have a good relationship with God. People look up to me and i don't want to do anything like come out and say that i have sexual problems. i know i'm not expected to be perfect, but i just couldn't talk about it. i want to, but i just can't.



first of all, not everyone gets deliverd instantly from stuff. yes, some do. but most have the process of dealing with their flesh and it's passions...(the consequences of their sin).

we all have areas that we struggle with. you are not the only Christian struggling...don't think that. sure we all come on here and act all happy and like everything is grand, but we all live in the real world and have real issues to deal with.

one reason you may not be feeling as close to God, no matter how many times you repeant, is what bothan4777 refered to. confessing our sins. to God and to others (ie. pastor, accountability partner, etc. not just your average christian...but someone you really trust). keeping all of those emotions and past locked up inside of you is not healthy. it will destroy you if you keep it inside.

whenever we keep something from God, it hinders our relationship. unconfessed sin puts a blockage. you find healing when you tell someone what you are going through so they can pray with you and for you.

i know for me personally, whenever there is something i am struggling with, i go to my accountability partner. i have told her some things that i am not happy about - but i needed to get it "off my chest" (so to speak). and it really did help me. i didn't feel isolated anymore. she encouraged me and prayed with me...it really does make a difference. in Galations 6:2 we are instructed to:

"Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ."

we were not made to face all of this alone. we need someone to be with us, encourage us, remind us of God's goodness and faithfulness, correct us (in love) when we need it.

whenever we try and to this on our own, we begin to feel overwhelmed, hopeless and isolated. you are NOT alone. you are NOT without hope.

the fact that people look up to you shows the importance in this. you need to confess your problems. no one is perfect. i know it hurts our pride to say "i have a problem..." but you are not the only christian who is struggling with (or has struggled) sexual problems. you are not the only one struggling. and like John316 said, many people have overcome this problem and used their experience to minister hope to others. most of the time they reach the point of victory when they cry out for help, admiting they can't do it on their own. and then they go through a mentoring session with an accountability partner (or pastor) where they are taught the word of God concerning the topic. people give up when they have no knowledge of the word of God. learning what the word of God has to say is vital. and then go from learning it and start living it - apply it to your life.

you can't keep hiding your sin, trying to forget and ignore the past (without dealing with it) and expect victory. there comes consequences with sin.

there was a time in my life when i went through a hardship with a friend, and i refused to deal with it. i just went on for a few months or so trying to forget about it. but my past was following me and trying to ruin my future. i realized i could not go on ignoring the situation. i had to forgive the person who wronged me (it wasn't sexual). everyday i had to say "yes Lord, i forgive them." and about a year later i could say it and actually mean it in my heart. forgiving others is not easy, but it is a commandment. if we want our Heavenly Father to forgive us, we must forgive as well. again, regardless of what we think - if they deserve it or not.

that could be another issue here - forgivness. have you forgiven your babysitter for what happen? (regardless if he/she deserved it. while we were still sinners, enemies of God, Jesus Christ died for us and forgave us for every wrong we would commit.) have you asked the other girl for forgiveness? it doesn't matter who made the first move - you both gave in and wronged each other. ask for forgiveness and forgive her - and let her know you forgive her. regardless of what she thinks/says, that will help free you. and whether she choses to forgive is between her and God. but you do your part. you need to forgive and move on in your life with the Lord.

you said it happend a few years ago and you still feel guilt. it sounds like your past hasn't been dealt with, but rather, brushed to the side. and it is eating you up inside and coming with you into your future and you want to be free from it.

and again, i am in no way condeming you. so i hope you don't read that in my post. whenever i go to reply to this, i feel the Lord leading me to not candy-coat it, but to be honest with you. know that it is said in love and that i do care about you.

and yes, I've asked God for forgiveness. i'm just discouraged because in the past i've heard of people being delivered from drugs and alchohol and all kinds of things when they got saved, and here i've been a christian for years and i'm still struggling in the same mess. i've stood up in church to repent, i've asked God to fill me with the spirit, but i'm just stuck. i really don't know what to do. i don't feel like he's given up on me just that i've let sin overrun my life and it won't leave, and because of that God can't use me the way he wants to. i cant' talk to anyone about it because the thought of saying this aloud only scares me to death. i know i shouldn't care what other people think but i do. everyone thinks i'm in control and have a good relationship with God. People look up to me and i don't want to do anything like come out and say that i have sexual problems. i know i'm not expected to be perfect, but i just couldn't talk about it. i want to, but i just can't.



first of all, not everyone gets deliverd instantly from stuff. yes, some do. but most have the process of dealing with their flesh and it's passions...(the consequences of their sin).




That is true..when my father got saved he was a alcoholic...and he was delivered from it instantly but he was also a smoker and he struggled with that for years but he finally did overcome that too and Tracy was so right about forgiving....I have a friend who is struggling spiritually b/c he cant forgive the person who had a affair with his wife.....he still harbors hate and God will not stand for that.
Please talk to some of these fine young ladies here ...they want to help...I didnt ask you to contact me because i dont think that would be appropriate but they can and will help you.
I prayed for you last nite and and again in my morning prayers....God is going to heal you of this!!!
Gotta go...I running late for work....keep in touch!!

Once again I think that theelectric3 posted some great wisdom. :)

If you want to, send me an email (ember@bythetree.org)I can put you in contact with another girl who is going through a very similar thing. Maybe it could help to talk to someone who knows what it is like :-

I was crying really hard this morning thinking about all of this. it's okay, maybe i needed to cry. i feel so much better knowing that all of you care. thanks. i e-mailed one of my close friends about this. she didn't know that about what i was going through before. i think that's a good start. maybe i will call her and we can talk later on. but i'm really glad that i posted here. i think i will consider talking to someone at my church about it as well. thank you again for your advice and prayers.

hurrah. good choice.

You rawk girlie!!!!!..I agree with the above^

*hugs* i agree, you are doing the right thing.

know that if you ever need anything - we are here for ya. :)

blessings.

i know i haven't posted on here, & i know there are others as well who have been "lingering at the edge of the crowd", so to speak. i haven't replied because i've felt that there isn't anything that i could say. it's all been said & it seems pointless to repeat.

but i do want you to know that many of us lingering folk are praying with you, crying with you & we will rejoice with you as well. :) even tho only a few post, we are all a family & we do things jointly. ;) you are in our prayers girl. remember that!

well said michael. :)

Yah if you just need to talk e-mail me or IM me my e-mail address is goodcharlotte4@excite.com

~Robyn

One more thing I'd like to add: remember that God works all things for good for those who love Jesus. Everything you've gone through, and everything you're going through now is going to be used by God for something that could never be accomplished without them.

I just wanted to let you know that i will be praying for you. It was very brave of you to e-mail your friend about it. No one is perfect. When you asked God for forgiveness, trust that He forgave you and that the sin is remembered no more. Leaving the church would have made things ALOT worse, so i'm glad you didn't!
Take Care & God BLess

Thanks you guys. :) Mike, thanks for bringing up the people "lingering on the edge." it's so great to know that people pray for me, even if you don't know who I am. thanks, evergreen. yeah, i was considering for a bit just leaving church because i felt so guilty, but i remember my pastor saying that if i fell down on my face i needed to run to God's house not away from it. i'm glad God brought that back to mind. thanks again everyone. i keep you all in my prayers. :) Thanks be to God for turning my mourning into dancing again.

Praise God!

i'm curious... have you confessed yet?

Thanks you guys. :) Mike, thanks for bringing up the people "lingering on the edge." it's so great to know that people pray for me, even if you don't know who I am.

you're welcome. :) it's always awesome to know that not only people are praying for you, but that when we ourselves can do nothing (or so it may seem), we can always pray. in fact, prayer shouldn't be our last defense, it should be our first offense. (my sports analogy of the day. ;) )

i know i haven't posted on here, & i know there are others as well who have been "lingering at the edge of the crowd", so to speak. i haven't replied because i've felt that there isn't anything that i could say. it's all been said & it seems pointless to repeat.

but i do want you to know that many of us lingering folk are praying with you, crying with you & we will rejoice with you as well. :) even tho only a few post, we are all a family & we do things jointly. ;) you are in our prayers girl. remember that!


AMEN!!! i am praying... just read this today.. but DEFINITLY praying!

I have one question (you can ignore tis if you want most of my questions are ignored any way)
did you tell your parents yet?

Ok i just want to say that i am praying for you.

*cindergurl's question can be at the top now. just ignore this and answer her question*

I have also struggled with many of these issues in my life, and will be praying for you. The one encouragement I can give you is...refinement takes time.

I have one question (you can ignore tis if you want most of my questions are ignored any way)
did you tell your parents yet?


No, i haven't and I honestly don't plan to. They have enough to deal with already my sister is having problems as well. i prayed about it and i asked God if I should tell them or not but so far i haven't gotten anything that would suggest that I tell them. Maybe I will but I probably won't i haven't told anyone at my church either. i'm still not sure. I want to talk to my youth pastor's wife but she's hard to get ahold of. Please pray for me about that. It's been three weeks since i last fell into this sin so i thank God for keeping me. thanks again for caring.

god has forgiven you even though you still feel bad about what you did and though you are forgiven sin still has a price and when temptation comes resist the temptation instead of focusing on it so much by trying to fight it cause the more you focus on something the more your drawn into it :- hope that helps andplease dont misunderstand what im trying to say just keep your focus on god and what hes done and youll have perfect peace and remember your clothed in rightousness and god has cast your sin in the sea of forget fullness.

wow you really have gut to be able to to post something like this even anon! i know i couldnt do that.

well i have to say from what ive read you have been given a lot of good advice that i would agree with

umm... yeah i understand much of what you are saying/feeling and adnd you sound like you really have confessed and really have repented
God will get you through this, just remember to trust and believe in Him and you'lll be fine

we've all done things we regret

i'll try to remember to pray 4 you and im sorry this post doent really help
i was just trying to re-affirm that you'll get through this and that you're actually not alone
God still loves you no matter what we've done

hey, there's probably not too many people here who know exactly what you're going through. I do understand about the lust and masterbation though. it's something that's extrememly hard to get away from. <from here on until the two **, you is in general> You can think thoughts of God all day long, and one moment alone in your room, by yourself, the thought can come in. And the thought of how good it will feel imprisons your mind, blocking out every thought of what's right and wrong. All you can think about is that moment, pleasing yourself for that moment. So that's what you do. You forgot about God, and concentrate on getting "it" done. This is how it is for those who are addicted to lust and masterbation. It is sooo hard to get away from. ** The Bible does say that "he who the Son sets free is free indeed." I urge you to keep praying, don't stop. Also, you may need to tell someone close to you, who you can trust. Someone who may know what you're going through. It will help. I had to do the same thing a while back. Even if they think negative thoughts towards you, it is a step of humbleness, something that is necessary for our growth, and in the end, when you're victorious, it'll be well worth it. I'm praying, even right now, that you will be delivered. God will deliver you, you just gotta keep praying, and pray earnestly.

God bless,
~Dan

p.s.: check out this site: www.xxxchurch.com, if you have a filter, type in www.3xchurch.com this is a Christian porn site, designed to help individuals like yourself. Even though porn is not something you struggle with, it will help you in the areas of lust and other stuff.

Before we go down a road check (The threat of the thread ;D)
http://www.panheads.org/boards/board=8;action=display;threadid=447

Will said in the thread linked above, "[This] is a serious issue that has been shied away from by the church, but that panheads.org isn't really the most appropriate place for it to be discussed. In no way are any of us (the band, PH staff, other board members, etc) trying to say that this isn't an issue worthy of adequate attention... quite the contrary - it is an issue of such importance that it really requires more support and accountability than could possibly be provided on a message board such as this. This, as is the case with most sexually-oriented topics, is more appropriately discussed with one's parents, youth pastor, etc... someone you can meet with in person on a regular basis to help pray for you and hold you accountable. Of course, the community here can supplement that with our prayers and such... but that can't completely replace the support you should seek from a youth pastor, parent, etc."

since this is the "policy" we are taking on this subject, i'm gonna lock this thread. as mentioned above, that doesn't mean we think it's a topic that should be kept in the dark; it just means we don't feel this is the best place to discuss it. as always, we are all willing to pray for you & support you in any way. we just feel that talking this out in a forum such as this is not the healthiest way to talk things out. :)