*Ahem* well lets start off with that i have done ALOT of horrible things in the past, and well i have asked Gods forgivness for it, and I know he has forgiven me...But i cannot forgive myself, I feel that i can never be normal, that i will always be a screw-up. And that i will never be truly OK. I know that is all probably VERY confusing, but just pray VVVVEEEERRRYYY hard. Cause I am having a very diffucult time, and i feel like i am putting my frined thru a hard time to ( well the ones i talk to about what i am dealing with that is..)
Thank you
Madd~

sure ill pray

*Ahem* well lets start off with that i have done ALOT of horrible things in the past, and well i have asked Gods forgivness for it, and I know he has forgiven me...But i cannot forgive myself, I feel that i can never be normal, that i will always be a screw-up. And that i will never be truly OK. I know that is all probably VERY confusing, but just pray VVVVEEEERRRYYY hard. Cause I am having a very diffucult time, and i feel like i am putting my frined thru a hard time to ( well the ones i talk to about what i am dealing with that is..)
Thank you
Madd~

hey~~~ i kno exactly what your goin thru--cuz i am too!!! if you ever wanna talk pm or e-mail me!!! ill be praying for you

hmm, i want to go on & on about how u need to forgive urself but...that wont reely help cause u already know that. ya, its easy to know that he forgives u & its the hardest to forgive urself. man, this makes me think of my past & how much shame i had about it & honestly, i dont know how i got rid of it. i just kept getting closer to God & i got to know him better & better. i remember feeling crappy to even show my face to certain ppl b/c of wat i did, & i know that im not like that now...hmm, i cant remember the in between parts. God..*sigh* he just kinda did it, i cant explain how. the more he held me the more it just kinda dissipated i guess. i supose it's nothing u can do, u just have to let it go. after u let it go the scars are still there & that's wen u have to let the father touch u in ur inner-most being. just ask him & he will. ill be prayin for ya.

><sarah><

just remember that Jesus wants to forgive all your sins, you just have to let him. stay strong, and i'll pray for you too.

maybe i said it wrong, i KNOW Jesus and all that have forgiven me, its ME who wont forgive MYSELF! Ok, hopefully that clears things up a bit

Yeah, it's definitly hard to forgive yourself, without escape of your mind which replays what you've done over and over and over and over, never stopping. It's hard. The only advice I can really give you, because only you can make yourself forgive yourself, is to pray about it, seek out God's peace. God's peace isn't hard to find, but it can be hard to accept. Just rest in His loving arms and ask, beg for help. Try your best to think of other things. When the badness flashes through your mind, think about something else, do a mental excersise, retreat to God's presence, look to the Word. I can pray for you.

yah it is very hard. Some people think it is real easy. And dont understand me getting so upset.

sarah gave some good advice.

forgiving yourself is hard, no question.

my advice: let the past stay in the past. it goes along with what sarah was talking about, to let it go. Paul talks about it in Philippians 3 vs. 12-14

not that i have already attained, or am already perfected; but i press on that i may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. brethern, i do not count myself to have apprehended [or arrived]; but one thing i do,forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, i press on toward the goal of the prize of the upward calling in Christ Jesus.

thank God for where He has taken you from. but let it be just that. what's done is done. don't spend yesterday's future (which is today) worrying about what happened in the past and what happened. i am so thankful to God for His forgiveness (as you addressed) but it wasn't until i learned to let go of my past that i really enjoyed that freedom.

how do you let go of the past? through prayer, reading His word...and if He leads you, fasting.

when you let go of the past and what happened, it'll be easier to forgive yourself.

I've done a lot of stupid things in my past and it took me over a year of constant prayer to fully forgive myself. My only advice is to take it all to God, pray always, pray until you think you can't pray anymore, and then do it anyways. I needed to be completely broken, I had to write down everything that I had done, I had to relive all of the past in my mind. This is where I'm going to have to disagree with alorian. If you need to relive your past, do it. Pushing it away into your memory will just lock it there. Some things in our past need to be remembered, they are lessons we have learned, and experiences that will keep us from repeating them. God will help you to get rid of the pain, and he can help you look at yourself as He looks at you. God thinks you are beautiful, you are His wonderful child. After all that you've been through and done, God has taken you in and forgiven you. He is the creator of the universe and sees or every imperfection, and he forgave you. He is the only one who can fairly judge, and He choose to forgive you, there is no reason for not forgiving yourself. Draw close to God, experience His majesty, learn from your past, and know that there is nothing about it that you can change, and that there is no need to change it or want to change it. You are you, your past makes up your testimony, it is proof of God's glory and perfect grace.

*tear tear* that was awsome....

><sarah><

wow, that was a great way of putting it. But you see i CANT write it down or something, unless i tear it up right after words, becasue well my mom doesnt know it all, and i am not planning on telling her.

wow, that was a great way of putting it. But you see i CANT write it down or something, unless i tear it up right after words, becasue well my mom doesnt know it all, and i am not planning on telling her.
Do you have a private diary or journal. Because thats the way I had to do it, just because if my mother ever found out the crap I went through she would get really protective. Or also I have a private xanga, I use that for whenever I'm upset or whenever I need to write things down. Either way, I'm sure if you seek God you'll find a way to bring back all you've done, and allow Him to heal you.

no i dont, I DO have a palm pilot. Which i could do, but its hard to write on it, but no i cannot write any thing in a jouranl/ diary, my mom reads everything of mine, considering i am the only child that has screwed up.
So i could TRY writting it in my palm.

it's worth a try, it may take time, but your determination to get through this may end up being what helps you to fully open up and let God heal you.

now i want to get drunk, someone help me, i am underage, i am so confused!!! I dont see it as a problem! I see it as haveing fun, something to do!

it is a problem. once you've had one drink, then you think, "well, i can stop any time." thats not true. if you keep on drinking, it becomes a problem. it gets tougher to quit with every drink you have. only God can help you overcome that addiction (i'm not saying you're addicted). i'll pray that God gives you the courage to go on & become that woman of God that He wants you to be.

I used to drink a lot, and it took a lot of prayer and a lot of energy and commitment to stop. Find people around you who you can talk to everyday to encourage you to fight these things. I added you on msn, and aim, and I left a comment on your xanga, so feel free to come and talk to me whenever you want.

ok. Thank you everyone, please keep on the advice, and plllleeeeaaassee keep praying i mean i am only 15!! And am doing crap already, i dont want to be a person with no job when i am an adult, i have huge dreams and i want to fufil them, i mean i am going to fufuil them, but when i do things, i am living in the moment and i dont care about the next hour, let alone the next ten years.

i will pray for you. but remember, u can do anything that u set ur mind to. u have dreams, u know they can be fullfilled & thats awsome...keep it that way. just try & get into the habbit of asking God b4 u do pretty much anything. ask the holy spirit to give u disernment & to give u a distaste for things that aren't of God. but just try & remember to ask God to show u wat he wants u to do in every situation. even if u think u have a sensable answer...God knows best.

><sarah><

ps. that thought of u being "a person with no job when i am an adult"...ya, thats a load of crap from the wrong side :P . ya, u should def not want to be like that but worrying about it isnt of God. dont u worry, hes got the best plan for u, its better than anything u can dream of. the devil's a poop head...dont take the crap ;) ;D

WE have all done things we shoudn't have, but we can just try to improve. Remember although we can't erase certain things, we can try not to do them again or improve what we messed up on.

it is a problem. once you've had one drink, then you think, "well, i can stop any time." thats not true. if you keep on drinking, it becomes a problem. it gets tougher to quit with every drink you have. only God can help you overcome that addiction (i'm not saying you're addicted). i'll pray that God gives you the courage to go on & become that woman of God that He wants you to be.
Thanks. I hope all the prayers work.

i definitely will

*Ahem* well lets start off with that i have done ALOT of horrible things in the past, and well i have asked Gods forgivness for it, and I know he has forgiven me...But i cannot forgive myself, I feel that i can never be normal, that i will always be a screw-up. And that i will never be truly OK. I know that is all probably VERY confusing, but just pray VVVVEEEERRRYYY hard. Cause I am having a very diffucult time, and i feel like i am putting my frined thru a hard time to ( well the ones i talk to about what i am dealing with that is..)
Thank you
Madd~

i think many of us have been there but all God wants is for all of us to know hes there and to put your turst in him and you'll feel no shame gulit whatever spirit of fear satan has put in us that God is bigger then that and will never let you go and hold on tight it going to be tough i've been through lots and it a mricale i here to day and the big thing God toght me thourgh it all was to have hope and remain in hope with him for hope will never fade you can alsways hope!! romans 12:12 was a verse that might help you but God is so good, all the time!! and will hold your dear even if you feel the way you do he'll never put you throught something you can't handle, yeah at time s i though how can God think i can handle this but we can't handle it alone we need the strangth of God!! i'll rember you in my prays!! and God bless you...

now i want to get drunk, someone help me, i am underage, i am so confused!!! I dont see it as a problem! I see it as haveing fun, something to do!

QUOTE: nsvolit "is a problem. once you've had one drink, then you think, "well, i can stop any time." thats not true. if you keep on drinking, it becomes a problem. it gets tougher to quit with every drink you have. "


i just wanted to say i've never drank (well what) my dad was an alcholic so i know what your talking about and you know what read luke 4 the whole thing well readying it think of athority!! e-mail me here with what you got then i'll send you what God told me on this verse!!! ask God to revel things too you when you read it!!



prayers work if you turly belive in God and have faith when fear coms apon you it want work!! like oo i hope it will happen ...man you have to speakit and belevit say God i believe in you that thes prayers for me will help and that i come in agreemant with there paryers..."


you know what i'm going to pray out loud right know for you ...

o God your love is so pure i'm thank you lord for your peace you bring to us when we are truble.. o lord i pray for this temple of yours lord God for strangeth and lord, o lord i pray in the name of God right know for that evil spirit to leave the temple of God alone for she is a woman of God and you hands may never come apone her soul for she has the covenet of Jesus chirst upon her like you said lord in your scriptuer... "we're healded by the strips of God." and not just sickness this is for everything that become an strongle hold which lord god you know that anything can become this stronge hold but lord God in your name , i pray that that sprirt of alchol will be destoryed for it knows you lord and it fears you!! lord give her strangth, that you prtection keeps her lord psalm 91 ord speaks of this cover lord you haveover us oo lord in you name i thank you for your lord and grace ad your beutiy... oh lord you are so good and lord i thank you for very thing you've done and for this beautiful woman of God and her stranght to open up and confess this to us, for god you said for us to tell some one as a step of overtaking that spirit, and thanx lord God for everything in Jesus name i pary.

amen

we love you

God bless

kerstin
your an graet peson thanx you to everyone eles whos here praying for her

I have to agree with them, you'll be forgiven. If you've done something wrong you can be forgiven, but sometimes its hard to forgive ourselves. But we have to in order to understand and do better, even if that isn't easy to do.

I will deffinitly be praying for you madd. :'(

i have done ALOT of horrible things in the past, and well i have asked Gods forgivness for it, and I know he has forgiven me...But i cannot forgive myself, I feel that i can never be normal, that i will always be a screw-up. And that i will never be truly OK.

Thats exactly how I'm feeling now :-\

I'll be praying for you both

it is a problem. once you've had one drink, then you think, "well, i can stop any time." thats not true. if you keep on drinking, it becomes a problem. it gets tougher to quit with every drink you have. only God can help you overcome that addiction (i'm not saying you're addicted). i'll pray that God gives you the courage to go on & become that woman of God that He wants you to be.
He's right.
I'll defidently be praying for you, as well, and feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk. :)

hey madd. i think that even though you are worried that you aren't on the right track, you actually might be. if you care so much about yourself that you seek our prayers and help, then you are on your way. just keep on trying. i will pray for you too.

I wanted to reply to maddog's forgiveness comment, but, I want slick(canada) to hear this too.
I know that when you're feeling as if you are too terrible for words (or even forgiveness) it feels like your the only one. I know it's uplifting--and unbelievable--to hear that someone else feels the same way. I wanted to encourage you both, though, other people have felt that way and made it through. There can be a God at the end of the tunnel, keep your focus on the truth. Thousands have made it, and they are no better than you. You can do it too. Trust Him.
Also, I wanted to add some advice. Maybe this doesn't apply to you, but if it does and you think it might work DON'T IGNORE IT NO MATTER HOW HARD IT SOUNDS. Think of the people you think you hurt by the things you have done. Then, go and ask them for forgiveness. [You can't base your forgiveness of yourself on other's, but this can help you both heal and move on. It's incredible, really.] You'll have a few surprises ahead of you, somebody may have forgiven you ages ago, while somebody else might break down crying. Regardless of who it is or what you've done, don't feel like you're asking them a favour because:
A\ if they've already forgiven you, it's crazy for you to have this burden of guilt still weighing you down.
and
B\ if they haven't already forgiven you, then you are doing them a favour too. God wants us to forgive each other.
I'm speaking from experience here, forgiveness has been devastatingly under-rated.
I'll be praying for you.
(And keep us all posted when you see positive changes.)