lamb_servant72
11-06-2005, 05:18 AM
I feel like I'm being put on the front lines, and I don't feel ready.

I know this is where God wants me, because I had peace when I prayed about going. But, right now, I'm nervous. God is definently moving me outside of my comfort zone. I trust Him, I know the end result of this is going to be above all I can ask or think.

I know God is more powerful than any demonic force I will have to battle. His faithfullness is my shield. I think I'm nervous because I haven't been having as much alone time with God as I need to get filled daily.

I will be spending my day preparing spiritually for tomorrow, and I would like prayers from you prayer warriors.

I finished training this past week to begin my work in the state maximum security prison.

One thing I'm nervous about is the whole transference of spirits thing we talked about late last spring, it ties into what Seth talked about in his myspace about things we've conquered in the past, but the test comes around again. I've already had to deal with this during the training phase, and I know it's going to be all around me when I go in tomorrow.

I've realized as I've typed this that some of the things I have had to go through the past five years could have been in preparation for this. I have overcome those temptations. I know where giving in leads. I don't want that to be apart of my life. (Scott, maybe those things DO make us stronger, after all!)

Thank you, Father, that Your Faithfullness is my shield. Shield me, and fill my mouth with Your Words.

alorian
11-06-2005, 11:59 AM
I'll be prayin' for ya Lisa :)

TheFireBreathes
11-06-2005, 02:48 PM
I feel like I'm being put on the front lines, and I don't feel ready.

I know this is where God wants me, because I had peace when I prayed about going. But, right now, I'm nervous. God is definently moving me outside of my comfort zone. I trust Him, I know the end result of this is going to be above all I can ask or think.

I know God is more powerful than any demonic force I will have to battle. His faithfullness is my shield. I think I'm nervous because I haven't been having as much alone time with God as I need to get filled daily.

I will be spending my day preparing spiritually for tomorrow, and I would like prayers from you prayer warriors.

I finished training this past week to begin my work in the state maximum security prison.

One thing I'm nervous about is the whole transference of spirits thing we talked about late last spring, it ties into what Seth talked about in his myspace about things we've conquered in the past, but the test comes around again. I've already had to deal with this during the training phase, and I know it's going to be all around me when I go in tomorrow.

I've realized as I've typed this that some of the things I have had to go through the past five years could have been in preparation for this. I have overcome those temptations. I know where giving in leads. I don't want that to be apart of my life. (Scott, maybe those things DO make us stronger, after all!)

Thank you, Father, that Your Faithfullness is my shield. Shield me, and fill my mouth with Your Words.

Ill be praying for you Lisa, as I was reading your post a bunch of quotes came into my mind. Hope these help :)

As soldiers of Jesus Christ, we will be tested, but God will never allow the pressure to intensify beyond what we can actually bear (1Cor.10:13).

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.

Sorry I would find more but my sis is kicking me off, good lock, God speed. :)

lamb_servant72
11-06-2005, 06:00 PM
Thanks so much for your prayers. It means alot to me. I started feeling really good about it this afternoon. The nervousness was replaced with an excitement. What an opportunity!! I thank God for putting me in this position!

Now, the prayer request has changed. Wouldn't you know it...my whole family has come down with a stomach virus. I am presently changing trash bags, rewetting wash cloths, and refilling gatorade and water for the four of them. I don't recall ever seeing my husband sick. Now, I'm starting to feel it. I just finished making jello, and I wanted to give an update before I went to bed (10:00pm here).

So, if you feel led to pray about this, pray away!!

alorian
11-06-2005, 06:03 PM
Bleh, sorry, get to bed and rest up.

TheFireBreathes
11-07-2005, 10:48 AM
I'll keep praying

drumchick101
11-07-2005, 11:39 AM
I'm glad to hear that you are not worried about your job. God has a way of turning the tables doesn't He? I'll pray for you & the infected...

><sarah><

alorian
11-07-2005, 12:19 PM
Whatever happens will happen when it happens. Just make sure that your trust is in God, that you trust in him with all your heart :)

Proverbs 30:5

lamb_servant72
11-07-2005, 03:27 PM
Thanks guys! I was able to go to work today, after only three hours of sleep. Brian actually had to go to the emergency room last night, that's how had this thing is! I thank God that I have been able to stay strong physically.

I also thank God for allowing me to feel His Presence today as I walked through the units to deliver orders to the inmates. I felt so calm. They were yelling things at me and beating on the doors. They were reaching their arms under the doors and doing unspeakable things infront of me. I could feel God's protection around me.

Later, when my co-worker who was training me commented on some of the things the inmates said, I told him honestly that I didn't even hear those things. I knew they were yelling, but I was able to completely tune them out.

I was really praising God for all of that on the way home.

My prayer is that I will be able to minister in some way to some of the inmates. It is difficult for a woman to have any respect from them, I am praying God will give me wisdom.

alorian
11-07-2005, 04:06 PM
:) God is- God :D What else can I say? No words describe him, they fail me... I'll keep prayin for ya though :)

theelectric3
11-07-2005, 06:14 PM
sorry for not replying sooner. you are in my prayers. praise the Lord for His protection! :] remember He is with you even in the midst of the prison.

drumchick101
11-10-2005, 02:31 PM
Thanks guys! I was able to go to work today, after only three hours of sleep. Brian actually had to go to the emergency room last night, that's how had this thing is! I thank God that I have been able to stay strong physically.

I also thank God for allowing me to feel His Presence today as I walked through the units to deliver orders to the inmates. I felt so calm. They were yelling things at me and beating on the doors. They were reaching their arms under the doors and doing unspeakable things infront of me. I could feel God's protection around me.

Later, when my co-worker who was training me commented on some of the things the inmates said, I told him honestly that I didn't even hear those things. I knew they were yelling, but I was able to completely tune them out.

I was really praising God for all of that on the way home.

My prayer is that I will be able to minister in some way to some of the inmates. It is difficult for a woman to have any respect from them, I am praying God will give me wisdom.


I have more respect for you than I can give or say...you are a true inspiration.

><sarah><

alorian
11-10-2005, 02:59 PM
I completely agree with sarah right there

as~i~lay~dying
11-10-2005, 05:05 PM
i will pray for you....=)

lamb_servant72
11-10-2005, 11:57 PM
I appreciate your prayers so much, they helped to sustain me. This week could have been tough, with the family sick, and trying to start that new position with very little sleep... But, I felt His Presence all week long, and His Joy!

I appreciate your kind words, Sarah and Seth, but I want you to give God all of the glory for training me and bringing me to this point. I have seen this past week that everything I have gone through I had to go through to come to this point. I cannot begin to tell you how amazed I am. I was just in awe coming home yesterday when I understood.

I could not have done this five years ago. I had to be tried and tested with every temptation these guys are in bondage to in order to see their sins for what they are.

I have had to see the people I love the most in bondage, and feel the pain of what that means for me. But, God couldn't use me in this position today if I had not learned the lessons He wanted to teach me. When you see the people you love in bondage, and see how they have to struggle, it gives you a whole new perspective on those who are entrapped by sin.

It took a long time for me to submit. I decided if this was what being a Christian brought, I didn't want any part of it. I decided if God loved me, He wouldn't have let those things happen. (I had alot to learn about servanthood.) I rebelled. I did things I thought I would never do.

There is no peace outside of God. There is no comfort. There is no joy. And I thank God that He was there, and that He kept drawing me back.

I kicked and screamed about learning these lessons. So, I thank Him. I thank Him for teaching me. I thank Him for His patience. I thank Him for His mercy. I give Him all of the glory.

drumchick101
11-11-2005, 08:26 PM
Wow, your honesty and perspective is jaw-dropping. That brings such a new outlook on many things. I often think about the line between "I was brave, and I made the choice to fight when I had no strength," and "God did everything, I deserve no credit." I believe there is a time for both. But what a wonderful way to look at it, that it id God that does the preparing and coaching while we do the training. CRAZY!!!

I'm relating to this so well now!! I relate it to running: I run my butt off and only I can make the choice to put everything I have into running the race I'm in, but there is noooooo way I would be able to do what I do without my coach's training method, constant screaming at me, and constant beleveing in me. God is my running coach!! You have no idea how incredibly exiting this is for me!! I have a new way to look at God...dude!!!! I think the best part is that I can always hear God using a "coach-like" voice when He talks to me in the middle of a race, and He always knows exactly what to say...He rocks my face off.

This confirms so much and it is definataly one of those "duh" moments where God has been trying to tell me for waaaay to long and I havn't gotten it until now. God always talks to me about fighting the good fight and finishing the race! I have gotten countless words from Him through other people that I am a runner in the spirit. It never really made sense besides just using what I have learned from running in spiritial matters. God has used the things I have learned from being a runner countless times for teaching me things about His principals. And I thought I was just deciding to run three years ago because I hated vollyball...Ha!! God had a plan.

Wow, this is crazy, thank you so much for sharing that!! Now I need to go think about this for about three hours and then blog about it on myspace. This is awsome! You rock face, Lisa! *head bangs and moshes with wall next to computer*

><sarah><

TheFireBreathes
12-18-2005, 04:46 PM
How is your job going Lisa?

lamb_servant72
12-18-2005, 04:53 PM
God is teaching me more and more about His mercy. I feel like I'm in the middle of a lesson, but I will try to get this out so it makes sense.

Why is it that I am on one side of the cell and they are on the other? I saw this past week just how easily that could have been me.

There are things from my past that could have lead to where they are. Why them and not me?

I really felt that this past week as I walked through the prison. I had this feeling that I don't know if I can explain. Almost like a sinking feeling in my soul. Like, I realized just how much of my life being good is because of God. I am totally in His hands and at His mercy.

This understanding has caused me to feel more of a connection and a responsibility to the inmates.

lamb_servant72
12-20-2005, 03:49 AM
There are five inmate clerks that work for me in the library. They do a wonderful job and have been very supportive of me and my new ideas. (When I started, the library was not in alphebetical order!!) We've also worked together to update the check-out system.

We work well together as a team. I have alot of respect for the fact that even though they are in prison, they are choosing to work (without pay) and do a good job.

This weekend, I went online and read what they were in for. Four of the five are in for murder.

On one hand, it feels weird to work with them day after day, knowing that they took the life of other people. Yet, I see the sadness in their eyes. They seem so beaten. They all look older than they did in their pictures when they came in.

I want them to know Jesus.

Please continue to pray for me as He leads you.

drumchick101
12-20-2005, 03:57 PM
Things like that hurt me to think about. They think that Jesus could never love them. Now, hearing that they murdered someone would make me afraid to work with them but it's different when you actually know them. When you can look into someone's eyes and see their spirit you realize that you are the only Jesus that they will meet and that would make me want to help them in any way possible. There are many people at school that should scare me, but they don't because God lets me see them though His eyes, this makes all the difference.

So, with that being said, I understand where you stand at least a little bit. Seeing the hurt in their eyes just seems to call to you, call to the Jesus in you.

I want them to know Jesus too...

><sarah><

lamb_servant72
12-20-2005, 04:20 PM
You get exactly what I'm saying, Sarah. Thanks for caring about them, too.

I wonder if they think that if I knew what they did, (which I do, but they don't know that), that I wouldn't talk with them the way I do (showing respect for and asking for their input,etc).

It's only God's mercy that I am able to be where I am, and I am able to reach out to them. That realization makes me need to do it even more!

drumchick101
12-20-2005, 04:36 PM
I'll pray for you, that the spirit goes before you and prepares their hearts.

><sarah><

lamb_servant72
12-27-2005, 12:36 PM
I was tired and stressed at work Friday, and I hadn't been spending enough time with God. After I delivered books to one of the upstairs dorms, I found a note left on my cart that was awful.

I didn't react in the way that I want. I want to be able to see all of that for what it is and pray immediately for the person that wrote it. Instead, I got mad.

I had to report the note. Which I understand, but I don't like thinking that I'm having someone else read something so disgusting.

It was the next day before I remembered to pray for the inmate that left the note!

I really lost sight last week of the big picture.

drumchick101
12-27-2005, 08:03 PM
I feel so much the same way right now, like I've lost sight of the big picture. It just seems like satan wants us all weak for something. I need to go pray right now, and I am right after I'm done on here but I don't want to. I want to play the drums so that I can enter another world for a little while, I usualy can forget about myself when I'm playing and I just let go. However, this solves nothing, because as soon as I'm done, everything is waiting for me again. So for this, I will go to the father and I know that is what you've already done.

Why did I tell you all of that?? In order for you (and anyone who reads this) to know that we are weak together and in that...we will stand together. I figured the load could be lighter if you knew that you wern't in this alone. That's what you did for me...thanks.

><sarah><

weebird20
12-30-2005, 04:33 AM
1 John 3:19-20
And by this we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before Him. For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things.

Lisa from what i have read here your job seems sooo hard...you have been given such a gift to be able to do this work...God has really done amazing things in your life...the fact that that you got mad was just a very small thing...u prayed for the person who wrote it...it doesn't matter that it was the day after....your heart was thinking of that person all that time before you laid them before the Lord...so feel encouraged...

and thanks for sharing Sarah...encouraging one another through what we ourselves are going through is so important :)

lamb_servant72
12-31-2005, 03:02 AM
This is really long, I know, I just had to get this out.

I did something horrible yesterday. Coming home and reading that scripture, Laura, and the one Scott left in Enough is Enough, helped me, but I have something I have to make right. I pray God will go before me and make a way for this to be taken care of.

I was on my last dorm (16 dorms per week, each dorm has 28 inmates) delivering books and legal kits. I thought that I had been told in trainging that if an inmate is in his cell and is doing "his business", there wasn't anything I could do.

The last inmate I delivered to had held me up before for that purpose. Example: last week, I gave him his cards to sign for his books, and he took much longer than necessary to sign them, and I realized what he was doing. I try to stand where they cannot see me (they are in closed-door cells [not bars] with: a crack to talk through, a small window to see through, and a slot under the door large enough to slide their food trays and books under.) I had to ask him several times if he had finished signing the cards.

This week, I delivered his kit and showed him I had his books. I asked him if he had finished the books from last week. He went to get his books and asked me if I would wait for him to fill out his book request form for next week. I had time, so I told him I would. He proceeded to get up onto his bed where I could see him and...

I left. I didn't leave his new books. When I walked back into the library, I told the library officer I wasn't delivering any more books unless the inmate was dressed and I could see his hands. He asked me what happened and I told him. He said, "Write him up."

I didn't realize all this time I could have been writing these guys up for this. He told me which two rules the guy broke by doing that. He said they cannot purposely hold me up when I am there to do business with them.

The officer (who I am very thankful for, he is very protective of me and has been a tremendous help in various aspects of my job) called the officer who is responsible for write-ups and told her what happened. I spoke with her and told her exactly what happened.

She wrote up the report, and called me back to read it to me. She had everything correct, except that she added..."I gave the inmate a direct order to stop and he refused to do so."

I told her I didn't give him a direct order. (I'm thinking we can't write them up unless we do.) I told her we either need to retype it or not proceed, and I will give a direct order next time. She said, "No, this is fine. We need to proceed with this."

I got off the phone with her and told the library officer that I couldn't sign it. He said, "It wouldn't have mattered if you had given him a direct order, he wouldn't have stopped."

I told one of the teachers about the way the DR was written, and he said the same thing...I needed to proceed and my direct order wouldn't have changed anything.

How do they know that?!

I walked down to the unit where the form was, but I wasn't going to sign it. I was going to tell her we would proceed next time, since I know now to give them a direct order.

I met the deputy warden of that unit as he was coming out. He asked me if I was lost. I told him who's office I was looking for. He asked me why, and I told him I had had to write an inmate up.

He escorted me to her office and stood there. She was on the phone. Another officer handed me the form and a pen. I signed it.

I cried all the way home.



I know what the inmate did was wrong, but I lied. He'll be fined and I know DR's effect his parole. I don't know what else will happen. He is going to know I lied about what happened.

I don't know if I should go to the warden and see if I can withdraw the DR, or what. I pray God will take care of it, or show me what to do to take care of it.

john316
12-31-2005, 03:58 AM
Lisa

These times like you just experienced is in my opinion the hardest to be a Christian in the work place...after all we expect to make fun of from time to time for our beliefs but having to make decisions like this are really hard.

So it came down to this...sign something which you know isnt truthful and is wrong OR disobey your superiors which according to the bible is also wrong....talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

I am not going to say which thing i thought was right for you to do because that is between you and God but i am praying and i am going to pray right now for this situation

Dear Father in heaven
We honor and praise you for all things...even for this thing that my sister is going through right now.Lord I ask you that you give her the wisdom and knowledge on how to handle this situation also ask that you work on the hearts on the ones in charge of this...that they will understand what Lisa's position is on this and that they will be fair and do what is right.
I thank you for Lisa and her heart to do the right things...please let her know that you are still on control and give her a peace that you will work this out not just for her but for your honor and glory.
As always we ask these things in the name of your son,our savior,Jesus...amen

Lisa may Gods blessings be on you at this time...i will still be in prayer concerning this.If you need to talk more or anything you know how to get in touch with me.

John

lamb_servant72
12-31-2005, 08:01 AM
Thank you, John. Thank You, Father for being in control.

Bottom line goal of working there is so that the Holy Spirit can work through me to change lives. I've messed up my witness with this inmate. I've got to make it right.

drumchick101
12-31-2005, 11:05 AM
I will continue to pray for you, Lisa.

><sarah><

alorian
01-01-2006, 06:10 PM
As Sarah said, I will continue to pray for you

Seth

drumchick101
01-01-2006, 06:26 PM
Hmm, from what I read in the other thread, it sounds like the devil is just trying to get you down. I don't think you "messed up" as bad as you think that you did. Satan so often twists and perverts things so that we become disappointed in ourselves and get discouraged. What I have found is that many times when I am on the right track, I feel like I'm completly off the mark. You have been praying and showing these guys the light of Christ & I believe that this is just something satan is using to try and throw you off. Besides:

"Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful." 1 Corinthains 1:27

Why do I use this verse? Because it makes logical sense that this inmate will not trust you. However, God could use this instance to make you stand out to him and with that, open a door to soften his heart. And even besides:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Ya, take that one to the devil and hit him where it hurts... If you are not called according to His purpose, I honestly don't know who is. Besides, if you do not love God I don't know who does! This, even this, will be used for your good and you want nothing more than for those men to know the love of Christ and in that, would be for your good. Soooooo..it doesn't have to be you who "fixes it." God will have no problem using this to His and your benifit! Be encouraged and do not feel burdened that this is something you caused and you have to fix. And besides:

"Then He who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new.' And He said to me, 'Write, for these words are true and faithful.'" Revelation 21:5

Even this relation ship...He makes it new. :)

><sarah><

P.S. Sorry this is a bit late. I felt truly awful when I posted last. I wanted so much to give some sort of encouragment. After all, you have encouraged me so many times. However, despite my efforts, I had no way with words & nothing would come out of the keyboard. I hope this helped.

skynes
01-03-2006, 01:35 AM
Lisa, don't worry about it.
You didn't have much of a choice here, Lie or Disobey. Rotten set of choices and I don't think God will hold it against you.

Right now I feel like God wants me to tell you that He's proud of you and He thinks you're doing an excellent job.

lamb_servant72
03-10-2006, 04:48 PM
I can look back now and see just how much I was being attacked. I was weak because I hadn't been spending as much time with God. The day that happened (post #26), I had toured the tower that holds the electric chair. It's a museum now, but everything is still there: the helmet, the ankle shackles, the embalming room, the last walk, and pictures and stories of the inmates that had died in the chair. I didn't expect it to affect me the way it did. I was an emotional wreck. Then, the DR ordeal happened with the inmate.

That weekend, I was curious about some of the stories I had read on the museum walls. I looked up the deceased inmates, and read their stories. Some of the stories were very descriptive, and made me curious about other sights...one thing lead to another, and I wound up looking at things I shouldn't have.

I'm going to take this opportunity to warn about books, shows, etc, that are for helping someone with a temptation/addiction. I have found that often they contain stories so descriptive, that the person reading them for help finds themselves battling temptation.

Anyway, as I said, I'd had a rough week at work, I was an emotional wreck, and I was weak from lack of time with God, etc, and I fell.

The next week as I was on the way to work, I broke down in tears. I just couldn't do it. I didn't feel like I could face the inmates anymore.

I think maybe God's strength and grace for the position left me because I fell. I quit the job, and I was too ashamed to say anything here because I had talked so much about how God had prepared me, and how I felt His Presence at work, etc.

They called me a few weeks later to come back, and I did. The amount of paperwork and red tape to get in the prison is pretty thick, so I just started back the first of this month.

I'll let this be it for now, so it won't get too long!

drumchick101
03-10-2006, 08:45 PM
I believe it's time to remind you of something that you used to help me. 2 Corinthians 12 talks about the thorn in Pauls flesh. That led to a whole spur of things, one thing after another. This is depicted in a blog I wrote call "falling on my knees" (I believe you commented on it so I think you know what I'm talking about). Ya, you get the idea.

Brokenness is an act of worship in itself and it is so good in bringing us where we need to be...and that is in His arms. Isn't it nice to know that, no matter what, you will always be persued? Sure you fell, but He would never leave you there, He has gone to the depths of hell to get you and He won't lose you now. But then we run to Father and He holds us as we remember who we are and where we belong. Then, as we grow older and distant, it is our ultimate oppertunity to pursue Him back.

><sarah><

lamb_servant72
03-16-2006, 07:22 PM
Sure you fell, but He would never leave you there, He has gone to the depths of hell to get you and He won't lose you now. But then we run to Father and He holds us as we remember who we are and where we belong.

><sarah>< Amen! His mercy amazes me.

At the same time, I know if I am going to so the job He has set before me, I cannot allow myself to fall into a snare, or I will be removed.

Funny Story


We had a new janitor assigned to the education center. The first day that I met him, I walked in and smelled a horrid smell. I thought, "Man, this guy stinks!"

The officer came up to me later, and told me he was really sorry about the smell in the building. He said the new janitor burned breakfast because he had never seen a microwave before.

Update


I found out today that I will be teaching a three month course to inmates scheduled for parole. The class is to prepare them for re-entry. I was so excited when my supervisor told me!! What an awsome opportunity! I can't think of anything that is greater in my position, other than seeing these inmates come to Jesus.

I'd appreciate your prayers for this. I'm a little nervous right now, I haven't even really had a chance to pray about it, yet! The manuel for the course has disappeared, so I am winging it! That's a little scary considering I have not had any of the course training, nor experienced watching the other teachers. I know I'm suppose to teach them about resumes, interviews, job hunting, etc., but I don't see how that will fill up 12 weeks. I pray the manual will be found!

Remember how I said God had prepared me for this using the things I went through? I can add teaching to that list. I use to get frustrated that I was always assigned the worst behaved children. Typically struggling students are the worst behaved (please excuse the stereotype), and I had extensive training for struggling readers. I had to learn how to discipline and it wasn't fun. That discipline training has come in handy, and now my teaching experience will, too.

lamb_servant72
04-05-2006, 05:45 AM
I could use some extra prayer right now. I've got alot going on, and I don't really want to get into all of it, but I know that when I have let you guys know I need prayer, things get better!

I'll try to put it in a nutshell:

Library = disaster (no late notices for years, we have more overdue books than we have books on the shelves, library not in alphebetical or Dewey order, card catalog obsolete, etc.)...I've been working alot of overtime trying to get it organized and I'm alittle overstressed and burned out.

Middle child sick (bladder problems reoccur every few months) and I've got to take her to see a specialist (put it off for awhile due to lack of insurance and money), so I've missed work all week and we are being audited this week. I feel guilty about work, but then I feel mad that I feel guilty, because I need to be with child.

We may have to move, and we are house hunting. Stress.

I think all of this stress combined has gotten me in a bit of a depression. Depression = not sensing God or His direction right now. But, I will always believe, trust, and love, even when I do not feel.

I didn't feel like coming on this morning, but I'm glad I did. I feel better after reading things on here. And now that I've typed what's going on with me, I can see the situation clearer. Mayber I'm staying home right now because I was working too hard. I think God's trying to get me to slow down, some. And maybe we are having to move because we weren't completely happy here, and God has something else for us.

I let stressors from every side overwhelm me too easily. Then Laura will send me a reminder about giving all of my cares to Him, and I'll slap my palm against my forhead ("Duh!") and feel like an immature Christian, because I forget that sometimes!

as~i~lay~dying
04-05-2006, 07:19 AM
I think all of this stress combined has gotten me in a bit of a depression. Depression = not sensing God or His direction right now. But, I will always believe, trust, and love, even when I do not feel.


wow....that's really awesome! I have a hard time believing, trusting...when I don't feel~ I will pray for ya chica~ hang in there~

lamb_servant72
06-01-2006, 04:16 AM
I know exactly what you are saying, Jessica. I had to learn to decide to keep trusting and believing when I couldn't sense His presence or guidance. It's so much easier when we feel it!

I really latched onto Proverbs 3:5 and 6 during the last two months.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Four days after I gave the last update, we had a new house that is two miles from my work, and it is newer and nicer than what we had before!

Work was even better for awhile, but that situation has gotten worse in some ways. I'm doing better about acknowledging God in each situation and submitting to His plan in this.

Basically, I'm in a situation where everything I am doing is being questioned by everyone (I'm running things the way the administration and SOP's tell me to, but I'm spending alot of my time defending my actions to the warden, deputy warden, cheif counselor, [and I'm doing what they told me to do!] and even the inmates!)

I wanted to find something else, but I didn't feel a peace about leaving that position. I really think God wants me to do a job without having to have someone tell me I'm doing a good job. He wants me to be strong in every situation. That's something I haven't been good at in the past. Sometimes, when things get tough, I run.

This thought came to me this week as I was praying about my job situation. I've always wanted to be a missionary. I always imagined one reason that would be great (other than the obvious "for God" reasons) is that I would be appreciated by those I helped. I feel like God is saying I need to be trained to do a tough job without my need to feel appreciated being fulfilled by other humans. I feel like this training has to do with preparing me for something.

lamb_servant72
07-13-2006, 05:20 AM
This is my latest blog on Myspace, I thought I would copy it here.

Prayer requests for inmates

I want to thank you guys for praying for me.

The new classes started this past Tuesday. I was nervous because I have alot more students than last session. (I teach a reentry class at a maximum security prison to inmates coming up for parole.) Everything went so much better than I even imagined!

I would like to ask for prayer for the following inmates. I would love for several of you to join with me in lifting these guys up as they prepare to reenter society. Let's surround them in prayer.

Dorian - He actually refused to take my class. He told me he had already had it. When I went to his permanent file later, I realized there was no certificate in there, and he has refused every class offered to him. There is a sadness about him. I really felt compelled to begin praying for him as I looked through his files. He went to high school through tenth grade, yet his reading level is only at a third grade level. It makes me wonder what he endured and what labels that were put on him. I want him to know his self worth. I want to reach out to him, but he won't let anyone. The only way I can is through prayer, but there is nothing better!

Shawn - He was signed up for my class last session. He came in with an attitude. He got locked up before the second class, and I'm ashamed to say I was relieved! He's in my class again this session, but there is something different about him. When I looked in his permanent file, I saw he has been baptized in April. Praise the Lord! Let's pray for Shawn that he will continue to grow in the Lord, that God will appoint good Christian friends for Shawn as he leaves prison, and let's stand in the gap against the things the enemy will try to do to cause this baby Christian to stumble.

Antwan - I just want to see what God is going to do in Antwan as the months progress twards his release. He is full of attitude, disrespectfullness, hardness. He needs to be broken. He's not ready. He is young. He has been in and out of trouble since age 11. He started drinking at 11, and smoking pot at 12. He has been in and out of juvenile institutions. Now he's here, and I don't want to see him back. He is going to have to let God change him. God is his only hope.

There are others, but these three I'm most concerned about right now. Will you join with me in prayer?

1nonlyjen
07-16-2006, 08:44 PM
sure will, your heart for these people is awesome.

theelectric3
07-17-2006, 07:18 PM
i completely agree. we are all called to the ministry of reconcilation. and i love how God is using you in the restoration process!

john316
07-18-2006, 06:00 PM
i completely agree. we are all called to the ministry of reconcilation. and i love how God is using you in the restoration process!

I couldnt have said it better...I will be praying for your ministry Lisa

lamb_servant72
09-09-2006, 01:10 PM
It means so much to me to know that there are others out there praying!

Back in January, my aunt gave me several boxes of books that had been my Grandfather's to donate to the library. Yesterday, I was checking in some books, and I came across a very nice hardback Louis L'Amour. Curious, I opened the cover. It read, "To Paul, from Clara, with all my love."

Grandfather passed away last weekend. The last of the "pulpit bangers":) that I personally know. The note from my Grandmother to my Grandfather touched me. I started to take the book back, but then I thought of all of the former inmates my Grandfather had helped through the years. He would give them a place to stay, food to eat, and help them find a job. He would be so happy to know that his books were being enjoyed by the inmates in the prison.

lamb_servant72
09-10-2006, 05:51 AM
Last week at work, there were three seperate instances where other people were taking credit for something I had done. I was ticked.

In one instance, an inmate's personal legal property (including a $300 court transcript from his case) had been lost by the previous librarian. I found a part of it while cleaning out old filing cabinets. Then, I found the other part while updating the legal material on the computer in the Satellite Law Library. His counselor took credit for both in a letter to the administration and with the inmate, who in turn took the counselor off of the lawsuit he is filing against the state (of course leaving me on the lawsuit).

I said, "Lord, what is going on?!"

I think I'm being broken of pride. Why does it matter that I get credit? If the end result is what is important, and the right thing was done, why does it burn me up not to get recognized?

I know I have alot of pride. God has been stripping me of it gradually through the last few years, but I still have alot of growing up to do in Him. I want all of this nastiness burned away!

lamb_servant72
10-11-2006, 04:35 PM
I'm alittle stressed right now. My grandfather died in September, now my Grandmother, their oldest child (my aunt), and my Grandaddy on the other side of the family are all three in serious condition.

My husband's job ends next month, and while I am trusting God, I know He has something for us, it can be tempting to worry when it is taking longer than usual for him to find something.

My thirteen year old son has decided he wants to try living with his father, so he won't have to keep changing schools, since we may be moving next month. I feel like the move will be good for him in alot of ways, but it's still hard.

I've had this little nagging sickness for over three weeks, mild fever, sneezing, headache, upset stomache.

I hate complaining about everything. I could use some extra prayer if anyone has any to spare.:)

planet_kosmos
10-11-2006, 04:51 PM
I have some to spare.

weebird20
10-12-2006, 05:35 AM
sure thing Lisa...as always you are in my prayers :)

lamb_servant72
10-12-2006, 12:10 PM
Thanks p_k and Laura!

My fever was gone this morning and I am feeling much better.

Grandaddy was sent to a bigger hospital so he could be under the care of a kidney specialist, he's also having trouble breathing/swallowing. As long as I'm well (don't want them to catch anything), I'm going to see him and my aunt (she's in a hospital an hour from him) this weekend.

Please continue to pray that our Father will guide Brian in his job hunt, and He will provide based on His will.

Thank you!!!

dawn of light
10-12-2006, 06:12 PM
I will pray for you Lisa!

lamb_servant72
10-14-2006, 04:35 AM
Thank you guys for your prayers.

I have a praise. I had started praying daily that God would help me be the best librarian I could be, and that He would give me wisdom on how to make things better.

This past week, I was flooded with ideas. One of which I was wondering why I hadn't thought of before! Another idea, I need the support of the counselors (there are about 18 of them) to be able to do it. It would make the library so much more effective.

Will you pray that God will give us all a spirit of helpfullness and support for one another? I also pray that their hearts will be open to hear my need and that I will be able to communicate effectively.

john316
10-15-2006, 04:50 PM
Still praying for you Lisa...especially for the job situation.I am believing that God has a great job out there for Brian.

lamb_servant72
10-16-2006, 02:59 AM
Thank you so much, John.

I was well this weekend (thank you for your prayers!) so I got to go spend the day with Grandaddy Sunday in Valdosta. Basically, he had a blockage in his knees causing him not to be able to walk.

(He's 85 years old and still plays golf and walks several times a week...so we knew something was wrong)

The Jacksonville hospital put dye into his system to find what was wrong. They solved the problem (his arteries were wrapped around his knees) through medication. However, the dye caused his kidneys to clog. They put a stint in, and he seemed to be doing better. So, they moved him back to his little hometown. That's when the breathing/swallowing problem started, and he was sent to Valdosta.

The kidney specialist said there is nothing else that can be done. His kidneys are shutting down.

I got to feed him his meals and comb his hair. He can't talk much, he only answers questions, and he's too weak to open his eyes most of the time. When I walked in and said "Hey, Grandaddy" he said "Hey, Lisa" without even opening his eyes. I am so thankful he knew me and that I got to spend the day with him.

kittygirl
10-18-2006, 04:30 PM
I really don't know what *advice* I could give. I just know that I will be praying, and things are going to happen in your favor, because things happen when we pray

lamb_servant72
10-18-2006, 04:57 PM
Thank you, Rachael.

Grandaddy passed away this morning. I really appreciate everyone's prayers.

Brian got a job that will begin when his present job ends. It is in the same town, so I will be able to continue working at the prison, and we won't have to move. I am so thankful.

I appreciate all of your support!

drumchick101
10-18-2006, 08:24 PM
I've got ya covered.

><sarah><

planet_kosmos
10-19-2006, 12:56 AM
yes me too.

lamb_servant72
10-19-2006, 02:25 AM
I think it's cool that I posted the prayer request concerning Brian's job situation last Wednesday, and he was offered a job that next Monday. He had been looking for two months! Thank you all again for praying!

MeNtAlCaSe
10-19-2006, 05:43 AM
Sorry about your granddad. i haven't talk to ya in a looooong time, but that doesn't mean i've forgotten the first person who welcomed me (course I was OTD back then).

prayin for ya hon.

scott

dawn of light
10-19-2006, 02:22 PM
Praise God for Brian's job! I am happy for you and your husband Lisa! And I'm really sorry to hear about your Grandfather.

alien_youth2005
11-13-2006, 06:18 PM
ill pray

lamb_servant72
11-16-2006, 12:26 AM
I really appreciate all of your prayers.

I have a praise!!!!

Awhile back I asked for prayer on Myspace for an inmate who is in prison for life but who I felt like in my spirit is innocent. I read his case before I knew who he was, and started praying at that time for wisdom and justice in the courts.

I just found out that Dateline NBC has asked to do another interview with him and his lawyer. (They did one back in 1995, and I'm working on getting a copy of that one now.)

I am praying for wisdom for the researchers who are preparing for this interview. I am praying for the truth to come out. I am praying for the right people to see this interview.

If the Holy Spirit leads you, please be in prayer with me for this.

lamb_servant72
12-24-2006, 09:10 AM
"Lisa, Come here!" Brian yelled as he threw the master bedroom light on and ran out of the room.

Living with two state prisons within two miles tends to make one wonder what would happen in the event of a break-in. Jumping out of bed to follow my husband at 12:34 am, that is the first thing that popped in my mind.

But, why would he call me if someone had broken in? He would fight to the death to keep anyone away from me and the children, he wouldn't yell for me to come face danger. I was confused.

All of the lights were on on the children's side of the house and by the time I ran to him, he was in our youngest child's room. Had someone broken in, and they were in my ten year old's room?

I froze at the door. He was holding Lindsay and yelling her name. Gabriel was beside her yelling her name, too. Her head was flopped sideways and her arms were completely limp by her side. Her eyes were open, but were rolled back in her head. "I can't wake her up!" Brian cried to me.

I turned and ran from the room to the kitchen phone. Why is 911 such a long number? A click and a woman's voice, "I have to call you back." "WHO IS THIS?!" I screamed, then realized she had hung up and there was nothing I could do but hang up.

The phone rang. My hands were numb by know and I was hyperventilating. I managed to tell her my daughter was unresponsive and we couldn't wake her up. "Is she breathing?" I didn't even know. I called out to Brian and Gabriel and they said that she was. "She may be having a seizure. I'm sending an ambulance right now. " "What can I do to help her?" Nothing. The line was dead.

I thought they were suppose to stay on the line to keep me calm! I dialed Daddy's number. My stepmother is a nurse and I could not remeber any of the emergency training I'd had as a teacher.

Brian thought she was choking. He stuck his finger in her mouth to see if he could dislodge anything. She bit down, hard. A wooden popsicle stick, a plastic spoon, Donnie said. I didn't have any of those. What about a rag? No, she'll shread it if it is a seizure. Alot of drool was coming out of her mouth.

Donnie asked me if she had wet her pants. "She's responding!" Brian called. My stomach lurched and I had to lean over the sink. "She's responding!" I told Donnie. I walked into the bedroom and asked him if she had wet her pants. She was on her side and seemed to help us roll her over as we checked front and back. Brian asked her if she had wet her pants, she seemed to tell him no.

Her eyes were swollen underneath and seemed to have alot of extra skin. I had never seen anything like what her eyes looked like, and I cannot explain it. She tried to open them, but she couldn't. She seemed to be trying to say something. Donnie explained she would be really weak after a seizure and it may take her some time to get her strength back.

I wanted to dress before the ambulance got here, so I hung up. Seren was at the front door watching for the ambulance as I went back to my room to change. Why were they taking so long? It only takes me ten minutes to drive the children to town for school in the morning. They should have been here by now.

The phone rang. It was the 911 dispatcher apologizing that the line had gone dead. She said the ambulance was on its way. She said she had been trying to call me back for 12 minutes. Why was the ambulance taking so long?

I went in to be with Lindsay. She seemed to try to open her eyes and talk, but then she rolled over as if she just wanted to go back to sleep. I just wanted her to know that I was there.

Later, I would wonder why I didn't go in until she was responsive.

Brian and Gabriel sat with her while I changed. Seren stayed at the door, waiting for the ambulance.

When they finally arrived, Lindsay was able to open her eyes and talk some, although her speech was slurred. She couldn't control her body, and after several attempts to take her temperature under her arm, we gave up.

I like to think that it made Brian feel good that when they asked who was going to ride in the ambulance, Lindsay didn't say anything, as if she couldn't decide. He told me to ride, and they would follow.

They put a oxygen mask on her in the ambulance, and I began to be able to understand what she was saying when we were almost to the hospital. Her head hurt. She had to throw up. I held the bag. She threw up the chocolate she had gotten at Daddy's that night as we had celebrated Christmas there. She told me her head hurt.

It wasn't long after we got to the hospital, that she seemed completely fine. It was 1:37am. She joked with the nurses, but she hated the stint in her arm.

After blood work, urinalysis, and a cat scan, we would know that her blood sugar and her white blood cell count were a little high. The doctor sent her home, with orders to follow up of course.

It was around 3:00am when we got home. We had already decided she would sleep with us until we could find out what had happened.

I burst into tears. I had never been so scared. I thought she was dead. I knew the doctor must think she's okay, or he wouldn't have sent her home. But, I hated the thought of something else happening and her not getting her Christmas. So, at 3:30 am, my kids had Christmas.

By 5:00am, we were back in bed, with Lindsay between us. None of us could go to sleep.

Brian explained to me that he had gotten up to tell Gabriel and Seren to go to bed. He has a prescription for sleep, but for some reason, he didn't take it that night. It is extremely rare that he doesn't take something to help him sleep.

He thought he heard Lindsay mumbling, so he tried to wake her up thinking it was a bad dream. He couldn't wake her, even after shaking her and yelling her name. That's when he went to get me.

Lindsay said she had a headache when she went to bed. I asked her what she could remember. She said everything was white. She said she had never been so scared. She couldn't hear, see, or talk. The first thing she remembers was Gabriel calling her and holding her. She said she heard me ask why the ambulance was taking so long. She said she couldn't breath or open her eyes. They felt so heavy and she couldn't get her muscles to work.

She doesn't remember Brian trying to wake her up. She doesn't remember us asking her if she had wet her pants. She doesn't remember the ambulance technicians trying over and over to hold her arm in place to take her temperature.

I am asking for prayer for wisdom for the doctors. I want to know what happened.

dawn of light
12-24-2006, 09:44 AM
Oh my goodness, Lisa I can't imagine how hard that must be for you and Brian! I'm so sorry. I will be praying for wisdom for the doctors, comfort, peace and joy for you and your family and complete healing and health for Lindsay.

eowyn
12-24-2006, 03:01 PM
Lisa-
My heart breaks for you as I know you must be shouldering a heavy burden while worrying about your daughter. You and your entire family will be in my thoughts and prayers, both today and tomorrow as we celebrate Christmas. I pray that the Prince of Peace will wrap your family in His utmost warmth of love and that amazing, bewildering peace that He gives. I also pray that Christ would annoint the doctors with divine understanding and bless their efforts as they work to find the answers for your family. Much blessings to you and your entire family at Christmas.
Samantha Marie

lamb_servant72
12-25-2006, 05:19 AM
Thank you Rachel and Samantha, those who pmed me, and everyone else who has been praying.

It is so good to "see" you Samantha! I haven't seen you since March!

I am almost embarrassed (I guess it's that pride thing again) to admit that it took me almost 20 hours to pray for God's wisdom and peace. I prayed during the crisis itself while I was running around making calls, changing, etc., but it was pretty much, "Oh God, PLEASE...", but I was too scared to say what I wanted. I was terrified to trust God.

I am very thankful for you who have been praying for me. I couldn't do it. God has shown me that this is an area where I do not fully trust Him.

I think all of you know that Mama was killed in a car accident when I was 14. I have shared how angry I was at God for so long because I knew He could have stopped it.

Then, my marriage that God had told me was His will, was not what I expected Him to give me. Through these experiences, God taught me alot about what it truly means to be a servant. He used Ezekiel and Hosea to show me when I was ready.

I finally went to God this morning and asked Him for His peace, I know that I can face anything when I have it, and for His wisdom. I know He can tell me what happened with Lindsay without waiting for the doctors. I told Him I knew that I had waited so long to come to Him because I am so scared to trust Him with my children. The reality is, He still let Mama die. He still asked me to be the wife in a marriage that was hell for years.

I've always had this little thought in the back of my mind that God had allowed so much to happen to me that He would never let anything happen to my children. Surely, He would never expect me to go through that.

It is an area I have not been willing/ready to give up to Him.

Brian's son, from his first marriage, died when he was 18 months old. His father died three days later. Surely, God would never make him go through the loss of a child again.

But, there was Abraham. Not only willing to sacrafice his son, but willing to be the one to end Isaac's life with his own hands.

And there was God, who sacraficed His Son for me. And I am not willing to do the same for Him? Is a servant better than his Master?

I know that God is leading me into true servanthood, and that my children are an area (I hope the last, I can't think of anything else!) that I have been holding back in complete trust to Him.

Rachel and I were talking about Romans 8:28 a few days ago. God does cause all things to work together for good to those who are called according to His purpose. What is His purpose? Verse 29 says "..to be conformed to the image of His Son...". Thank You God for continuing to conform me, and for having patience with me.

God showed me this after I prayed to Him this morning: I already knew it couldn't have been a "coincidence" that Brian didn't take his prescription sleep medicine that night. But, last night he told me he had gotten up to tell Gabriel and Seren to go to bed because he heard a loud noise that got him out of bed. He thought Gabriel and Seren were wresling and had knocked something over. When he went to check on them, he heard Lindsay across the hall making the strange sound. He never went into Seren's room.

I asked Gabriel and Seren what they were doing at that moment. I asked them if they were wrestling or if they had heard a loud noise or crash. They were lying down in bed watching TV. They never heard a loud noise.

I thank God that Brian didn't take his medicine. I thank God that He got Brian out of bed. I don't know what Brian heard, but I believe it was God.

skynes
12-25-2006, 06:33 AM
But, last night he told me he had gotten up to tell Gabriel and Seren to go to bed because he heard a loud noise that got him out of bed.

The divine 'OI!!!'

lamb_servant72
01-09-2007, 06:55 AM
I posted my latest prayer request in the "Picture This" thread, because I wanted to post a picture of Ander, Kellie, Addison, and soon-to-be Barrett.

My prayer is that Ander's white blood cell and platelet counts will be high enough for him to go into the delivery room when Barrett is born.

They both (Ander and Kellie) have appointments today.

dawn of light
01-09-2007, 03:31 PM
I'm praying Lisa.

lamb_servant72
01-09-2007, 04:17 PM
Thank you Rachel and John! And thanks to anyone else who has been praying!

Ander went back to the doctor today. Kellie said his white blood cells are 1.7 and platelets are 67,000, so he will be able to go into the delivery room!!

john316
01-11-2007, 02:59 AM
Thank you Rachel and John! And thanks to anyone else who has been praying!

Ander went back to the doctor today. Kellie said his white blood cells are 1.7 and platelets are 67,000, so he will be able to go into the delivery room!!

Great news!!...i am so glad to hear it.

MeNtAlCaSe
01-11-2007, 06:40 AM
any updates on your daughter hon?

lamb_servant72
01-19-2007, 03:27 AM
I just realized I never updated here about Lindsay. Her doctor feels it is a one time seizure, which is not uncommon for children, but he scheduled an EEG to be done in Savannah in March just to be sure. She has been fine since that episode. Thank you all for your prayers.

Ander update:

Ander needs another stem cell transplant. Last time they took his stem cells while he was in remission, because they have not found a match for Ander, but that didn't work.

They have searched the globe, literally, for a match for Ander. There was someone in Germany who was 1/2 of a match, but not close enough to chance it at this point.

Ander has irregular chromosomes. We need a match. Please pray that a match can be found.

If you would like to call the American Red Cross to see if you are a match for Ander Starlin, please call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE and they will tell you what to do.

lamb_servant72
01-24-2007, 02:33 AM
Kellie was scheduled to be induced this morning at 7:00. She has already started dialating, and Barrett supposedly is over 8.5 lbs already.

Daddy had made arrangements for a sub on his mail route, and I had made arrangements for the kids after school (Brian is in Atlanta this week for work), since Daddy and I live over three hours from Kellie.

They had to cancel because of two emergency inductions, scheduled for 4 and 5 this morning. Kellie is hoping they will induce her after they finish those two, and she wants us to go ahead and come.

I am hoping they are able to induce her this morning, or better yet, that she goes into labor on her own this morning!

lamb_servant72
06-05-2007, 03:07 PM
Barrett was born that day, and it was such a blessing to be there for his birth, Kellie and Ander's second miracle child.

They took the cord blood to use for Ander's second transplant. He is in Texas now for that. He will be gone for three months, so Kellie has Addison (just turned four) and Barrett (now four months) and is working full time.

We moved to Atlanta in February. I was frustrated one morning about moving so much and switching jobs, and God said to me, "You're my pawn." I had no idea what a pawn was, I know nothing about chess. I looked it up, and it said:
A person or an entity used to further the purposes of another.

Suddenly I understood why I get tired/bored of things so fast. I had prayed for years for God to change me, because I thought it meant I was unreliable. God told me He made me that way because He needs pawns. I get bored when it's time to move on.

Most of this thread has been about the wonderful opportunity God gave me to work in the prison. Because of that work, I became interested in The Georgia Innocence Project. (There's more "coincidences" there, but I'm trying to keep this update short-ish.) I moved to the town where the GIP operates the same day I found out about it and became interested.

I can't wait to see what God is up to.

lamb_servant72
06-11-2007, 01:35 AM
I could use some prayer right now for God to open doors...and then call me really loudly and say, "It's over here!" ...and maybe even put a big flashing light on it or something.

You guys know I hate generalities, but I don't feel led to share right now what's going on.

But, if you feel led to pray for me during the next few weeks, please do, and know that it means alot to me.

DarkestRose
06-11-2007, 01:55 AM
Totally, Lisa!

weebird20
06-12-2007, 10:46 AM
indeedy Lisa...you know i already am :)