Cornflake
11-18-2005, 01:43 PM
So guys, Have any of you ever felt like that because your a nice, considerate, maybe sweet guy... that you get royally SCREWED OVER in the dating game? Yeah , I feel that way too..

You see, I always aim to be nice, caring, and I try to be considerate, and I am thought of as sweet. I am not trying to blow my own whistle, I'm just going by what girls have told me. Most of them even say I'm pretty cute, but thats beside the point.

Let's use my friend for example. He can be an ... a .. butthole at times, especially to his g/f. But she is stuck to him like superglue. I know of other people like this too.

I can get a girl's attention, but they always lose interest. Its extremely hurtful to be honest.

I have figured out what it is. Girls like the bad guy. Then, when the bad guy hurts them, they cry on the nice guys shoulder, who comforts them, until they are ready to go back to the bad boy. The nice guy gets screwed by the fact that he makes a better friend.

So, what to do? Stay the nice considerate guy, or turn into a womanizer/jerk?

The choices...

Isildur9473
11-18-2005, 01:48 PM
Yep, nice guys get screwed most of the time. :(

skelfy
11-18-2005, 02:02 PM
1) Just because a guy is mean to you does not mean he is mean to his girlfriend.

2) Girls mostly like spontaneous, interesting guys.

3) Uh, plenty of fish in the pond?

I am a nice girl (I'm guessing) and I have never had a boyfriend. You don't need someone to make you feel worthwhile. You can be a functioning nice successful person without a girlfriend.

Look, in the long run you'll end up better. So stick with it.

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 02:06 PM
Maybe you just haven't hit your time yet, but most of us get to a certain point, where we see the relationships between our friends and their girlfriends, where you long to have that sort of companion, someone you know loves you, and to know that you are someones world, and someone is yours.

skelfy
11-18-2005, 02:09 PM
You're probably, what, maybe five months older than me? I have seen many of my friends have boyfriends, I have seen guys I LIKE going out with other girls, it is not easy, but don't give up hope. It's not the total end of the world.

Okay, I have known nice guys. I have known nice guys who liked me. And they have told me this. I did not like them back. Why? They came off as freaking stalkers and...they just weren't what I was looking for. You may have girl friends who tell you that you're nice, but you may not be what they are looking for. Once you get out to college you may find that person, as I have heard from someone I know.

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 02:14 PM
Well, it feels like the end of the world, when you invest alot of time with a girl, start going out with her, have a moment of intimacy ( but not sexual) with her, then 2 days later she simply tells you ( quite coldly) she just lost interest. Then she won't take your calls, won't return your calls, you write her a letter, pouring your heart out, she doesn't seem to care, etc and just rips your heart out.

skelfy
11-18-2005, 02:17 PM
Because girls are weird. It's probably half communication and awkwardness. At this age we don't know what we want and probably won't know for quite some time. We're testing our limits, seeing what we can do, who we can possibly have, what's good and what isn't. It's just teenagers being teenagers and she is probably just feeling uneasy and maybe she liked someone but then you came along and she remembered her feelings for macho man #1? No idea.

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 02:20 PM
Yes, I'd understand if she wanted to break off the relationship, but a complete severing of ties is what really hurt. The total loss of a friend and a g/f at the same time.

skelfy
11-18-2005, 02:22 PM
She didn't know another way of doing it, or how to even respond to that intimacy. Awkwardness. Wait a while before talking to her or explaining anything or you too will seem like a stalker.

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 02:24 PM
Just trying to get an explaination doesn't make you a stalker.

skelfy
11-18-2005, 02:25 PM
I don't know, if you keep going after her she might feel weird. I would. I don't know this girl...so...

PinkGoo
11-18-2005, 02:26 PM
Hmmm, we just hashed this out on another forum I'm a part of. Actaully, it's true... nice guys really do get all the crap. Even if they're cute. :P I have no idea why, but it's how it is.

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 02:32 PM
Yeah, its a burden. Im not sure the burden is worth the title. A net friend of mine once told me.. "While your not the type of guy most highschool girls and some college girls are into right now, you are the type they'll want to marry some day."

Maybe this advantage, if true, will make up for the hell it puts us through now.

agent_c68
11-18-2005, 03:22 PM
I've been there (in fact I'm still there), and it sucks.

one thing that I've heard that helps is confedience. not so much that you appear arrogant, but enough that you are not afraid to be direct and ask a girl out. Easier said then done though...

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 03:25 PM
I have gained multitudes of confidence, or atleast, courage, to ask girls over the last year. To be honest, its hard to stay confident when your 0-2 for g/fs this half of the year.

unshakeable15
11-18-2005, 03:33 PM
Cornflake, you're almost exactly 5 years younger than i am. but you're ahead by 2 girlfriends. i've come close once. only once. and you know what the weirdest part is? that coming close helped me realize i'm nowhere near ready for the responsibility that being a boyfriend entails. i am not ready to be the man in a relationship with a girl. i need to mature. i need time to let God work out the kinks (they are many and large) in me before i think about getting a girl on my arm.

if you're thinking about dropping the "nice" attitude in order to get a girlfriend, maybe you need a bit of maturing to do as well. and i'm not saying that to bash you. i'm saying it to give you an outside perspective on yourself. friends and parents can be biased towards your maturity because they've seen you as an immature twit. compared to then, you're stud. but compared to where you need to be (*points finger at self as well*), you're an immature twit all over again.

nice guys seem to finish last. and i know i feel like i've been tromped on more times than not, but i'd rather be thought of as a nice guy than as a jerk who gets what he wants for the time being.

Isildur9473
11-18-2005, 03:47 PM
I've noticed more girls get attracted to me when I'm arrogant and rude to other people. Especially in school. I don't want a girlfriend though. I've never had one, it would just cause a lot of problems.

theelectric3
11-18-2005, 04:51 PM
i guess i just don't understand how someone places their value in how many g/f or b/f they've had in a year. i knew of a girl in high school who seemed to have a new boyfriend every week.

is "nice guy" a title worth bearing? i guess it's up to you to decide... but isn't it better than being called a jerk?

when all is said and done, i think most girls want to marry a "nice guy." (i know i do.) i don't consider that an insult. so you get run over by people and looked over... but in the end you (hopefully) you'll end up with someone who values you for who you are. and not for being "cool" or whatever...

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 06:15 PM
Ok, lemme clean up my message just a little bit, and by the way no offense was taken at all. I really don't think I'll drop my ways to become a jerk. I was mostly stating it for the " Is this what I'd have to do to become interesting?" emphasis. I wasn't raised a jerk, and to just suddenly become one, I'd be "posing" because while I do have spurts of saying the wrong thing sometimes, its not who I am.

If I have to change who I am, just to get a girlfriend, then I know it would be a doomed relationship.

Also, I'm not trying to get a running count of g/f's. Im not trying to say "thats another one under the belt." The more I go through, the worse it is on me. I want to find and stick with one. What I was saying when I said I'm 0-2 is that I have tried hard to build a relationship twice and twice it has fallen flat. I wish it was 1-0 for life. But it's not. So, by no means am I hoping to say " Hey man, I'm a pimp, I've had 6 g/fs this year!" Its totally the opposite. I just hate it when I open up, and then I get struck down when Im vunerable.

Cornflake
11-18-2005, 06:26 PM
Thinking about it, I came up with this thought. You see all those chick flicks.. Theres the arrogant self absorbed dude , then theres the nice romantic guy. The girl winds up with the romantic guy, the girls watching the movie start crying, wanting to find their romeo. Yet in real life.. its totally different. The same girls who watch those chick flicks are the same girls who pass by the nice guy for the jerk.. Its just crazy I tell you.

theelectric3
11-18-2005, 06:39 PM
Ok, lemme clean up my message just a little bit, and by the way no offense was taken at all. I really don't think I'll drop my ways to become a jerk. I was mostly stating it for the " Is this what I'd have to do to become interesting?" emphasis. I wasn't raised a jerk, and to just suddenly become one, I'd be "posing" because while I do have spurts of saying the wrong thing sometimes, its not who I am.

If I have to change who I am, just to get a girlfriend, then I know it would be a doomed relationship.

Also, I'm not trying to get a running count of g/f's. Im not trying to say "thats another one under the belt." The more I go through, the worse it is on me. I want to find and stick with one. What I was saying when I said I'm 0-2 is that I have tried hard to build a relationship twice and twice it has fallen flat. I wish it was 1-0 for life. But it's not. So, by no means am I hoping to say " Hey man, I'm a pimp, I've had 6 g/fs this year!" Its totally the opposite. I just hate it when I open up, and then I get struck down when Im vunerable.

my apologies for misunderstanding you. keep being "the nice guy." :)

NightCrawler
11-18-2005, 09:36 PM
So guys, Have any of you ever felt like that because your a nice, considerate, maybe sweet guy... that you get royally SCREWED OVER in the dating game? Yeah , I feel that way too..

You see, I always aim to be nice, caring, and I try to be considerate, and I am thought of as sweet. I am not trying to blow my own whistle, I'm just going by what girls have told me. Most of them even say I'm pretty cute, but thats beside the point.

Let's use my friend for example. He can be an ... a .. butthole at times, especially to his g/f. But she is stuck to him like superglue. I know of other people like this too.

I can get a girl's attention, but they always lose interest. Its extremely hurtful to be honest.

I have figured out what it is. Girls like the bad guy. Then, when the bad guy hurts them, they cry on the nice guys shoulder, who comforts them, until they are ready to go back to the bad boy. The nice guy gets screwed by the fact that he makes a better friend.

So, what to do? Stay the nice considerate guy, or turn into a womanizer/jerk?

The choices...
Umm... The girls that are smart enough to go for the nice guys and not use them usually are smart enough not to get involved into a deep relationship until they are mature enough for more serious stuph.

NightCrawler
11-18-2005, 09:37 PM
I've noticed more girls get attracted to me when I'm arrogant and rude to other people. Especially in school. I don't want a girlfriend though. I've never had one, it would just cause a lot of problems.
They like confidence and ambition.

PinkGoo
11-19-2005, 07:36 AM
They like confidence and ambition.
Finally. Someone gets it.

skelfy
11-19-2005, 07:49 AM
They like confidence and ambition.

You sir, should be awarded with a medal or somesuch.

PinkGoo
11-19-2005, 07:50 AM
Amen! Geez, Jonathan really knows his women... ;) :D

Cornflake
11-19-2005, 08:37 AM
I'm not afraid of girls. I asked her out basically the second time we met ( the first was only for like 2 minutes). The first time she broke it off she said I moved too fast, we only knew each other 2 days. So yeah, I have confidence.. Ambition, maybe. But where does the line get drawn? When does it leave confidence and become pride when you think " Yeah, I'm definately cute enough/good enough to get that girl."

PinkGoo
11-19-2005, 08:56 AM
No, no. Not just confidence with girls, but confidence with EVERYTHING. A guy with that "I'm in control over the universe" attitude... (Well, at least for me. ;))

NightCrawler
11-19-2005, 11:34 AM
Amen! Geez, Jonathan really knows his women... ;) :D


HAHAHA....


Never even had a girlfriend.... :P

completely_nuts
11-19-2005, 12:17 PM
Umm... The girls that are smart enough to go for the nice guys and not use them usually are smart enough not to get involved into a deep relationship until they are mature enough for more serious stuph.
that absolutely hit the nail on the head. I know, I think, maybe one nice guy my age. He's not a pervert, he's not a sexist, he's not stuck up. And I admire those qualities. But I know that being involved with anyone right now would be really bad for my walk with God.
And there's a point where a guy starts to seem desperate, and that pushes girls away. When a guy (This is not meant to be insulting in any way. I'm giving a girl's point of view) is so desperate to be in a relationship that he'll tell a girl he likes her after knowing her for a week, it freaks the girl out. That has happened to me before, and it was the most terrifying experience of my life. Lead us along for a little while. When you open yourself up immediately, you are pretty much asking to have your heart ripped out and torn into little pieces. I know that you've heard this a bajillion times, but I'll say it again. Give it some time. I am definitely more interested in the guy that I think likes me, rather than the guy that I know likes me. It takes the mystique out of it when you expose yourself to a girl early on.

Cornflake
11-20-2005, 05:14 PM
Lots of insider information. This stuffs good to know. Although, its not that I was desperate to be in a ( as in any) relationship, I really admired that girl . We had been talking for like a month and a half atleast.

cute*sweetie*18
11-24-2005, 04:38 PM
well i dont think every girl goes for the "bad boy" for me i like a guy who has a sense of humor i cant stand akwardness so maybe it is that a say bad boy stands out more to some girls cuz there daring or somemthing. I dont know but i mean i dont like guys who are jerks to anyone especially just to show off or be cool or something i like nice guys who are not insanely shy but who can talk to me but there not so bold that they make me or others uncomfertable

NightCrawler
11-24-2005, 06:23 PM
Commas are awesome, cute*sweetie*18....

frymeskillet
12-02-2005, 08:49 AM
hmmm. i have never personally gone on a date. but as weird as it seems, and according to friends, i give very good dating advice. i guess its the part of understanding the way people work and also seeing other fall in this category. dont get me wrong, i have the same feelings of wanting to feel wanted (if that makes sense) and i know how you feel. but back to the point. you may be right about girls thinking you are a shoulder to cry on. and that often happens to nice guys like yourself. girls have this thing in their head that wants what they cant have. i have experienced first hand that when a girl is put down or blown off by a guy she wants so bad for him to like her she wont stop til she gets this. a challenge is part of the game. i thought i would never do that until i realized one day that i was and it was a very rude awakening. i then realized that its almost quite normal. but i think your problem might be that youre too nice. dont get me wrong, nice guys are the best kind in my book, but there is such a thing as being "clingy". and its very annoying at times (so ive heard). all im saying is that maybe you should give them a little room to make a decision. this might help. after a first date, dont call her when you get home. wait a day atleast. you might end up coming off as desperate. im not saying to act mean, just act like its not really a huge thing to be in a serious relationship. and that little spark i talked about in a girls head will flicker and she will want what she thinks she cant have. well thats my dating rant, and dont think that im trying to say this about all girls, but in fact, it is true for atleast half.
GOOD LUCK, and God Bless!

-Savannah-

pussfoot2005
12-02-2005, 09:20 AM
I Love You Savannah!!!

NightCrawler
12-02-2005, 09:44 PM
Savannah, somehow we share very identical roles and experiences.

disciple
12-02-2005, 10:50 PM
I guess I'm lucky; my ex-girlfriend was first one of my two best friends, so we're back to being friends again. I am grateful to remain in contact with her, she's a fantabulous personage. :P

I'm reaching that age when people usually get to the serious relationships (after having even more flings, but that's a whole different type of person from me). When mariage starts to become the consideration, not just, "Having someone who cares for you more than just as a friend." Is it lonely being dumped at said age? Yes. Painful? Yes.

But it's not the end of the world. I realize that when you love someone, it's hard to let go, and then you get upset about how you have "bad luck" with women.

Buddy, from the sounds of it, you have a long future of relationships ahead of you. So don't you worry, you have plenty of opportunities to discover who you are and what you truly want in a woman -- and not just the broad ideal, "She has to love God," etc., etc. -- the whole deal. As do I.

You're at the age where you're nigh on realizing your true self, so you shouldn't worry about if you'll find "the One" or even just someone to care for you. Just sit back, and enjoy life for what it is, ignore the stereotypes this world puts out, and just be yourself and eventually you'll get it.

Yeah, it's usually true that nice guys like us get overlooked, but you must realize that if you're being overlooked, chances are she's really not your type. (My ex-girlfriend? My first girlfriend. I've been overlooked and shunned by women my whole life. But you know what? It was for my benefit. It was a very influential time in my life, I needed to be alone.)

And with that, I bid you adieu.

Cornflake
12-05-2005, 07:37 AM
You , my friend, are awesome. Savannah too.

skynes
12-05-2005, 09:25 AM
http://www.ransomedheart.com/

For guys read "Wild at Heart"
For girls read "Captivating"

I think it may explain a lot.

amodman
12-05-2005, 10:50 AM
http://www.ransomedheart.com/

For guys read "Wild at Heart"
For girls read "Captivating"

I think it may explain a lot.

Those actually sound like some deep, insightful books...too bad I don't have any money :(.

HAHAHA....


Never even had a girlfriend.... :P

I'll add myself to that 18+ category w/Nightcrawler & Unshakeable :/.

disciple
12-05-2005, 01:29 PM
Call me lucky that I got my first girlfriend just as I was turning 18. :P

Call me unlucky that I lost her just after I turned 18. :P

frymeskillet
12-07-2005, 08:53 AM
You , my friend, are awesome. Savannah too.


Wow, ^that^ has never been said to me....Thank You! I guess there's a first for everything!

pussfoot2005
12-07-2005, 09:41 AM
Savannah Is My Friend Tooo

PinkGoo
12-07-2005, 12:18 PM
Savannah rocketh like no one else. ;)

skynes
12-08-2005, 12:25 AM
Excuse me?

Hardest Rocking Panhead here?

Lol.

PinkGoo
12-08-2005, 08:39 AM
*Grovels* My bad...