cinnamonxspider
11-24-2005, 08:15 PM
okay, so i searched the threads and i couldn't find any thread that related to the question i'm about to ask. here's a dilemma for you to think about:

-think of your closest friend (besides God, as many of you would think of). now imagine that they told you an absolutely awful secret. they told you that they were going to kill themselves, but they hadn't quite gotten it all figured out yet. they still needed a few materials before they completed their task, so they gave you...say, a month to try and "save" them, on one condition. it couldn't make it back to their parents at all. if their family or any type of authority found out about it at all, they would kill themselves as soon as possible and blame you by their suicide note. okay, so now that you're backed in a totally crappy corner, what would you do?

Isildur9473
11-24-2005, 10:10 PM
Well, that is a hard place. Definitely pray for them if you do that kind of thing. How emotionally shallow is the person? If they were ok, I'd sit em down and lay the law. You could also pull the "That's going to screw up my life, and everyone else you know, so think about someone besides yourself."

If they're really emotionally weak, you could try one of those also if you think it will do good. Good luck.

skynes
11-25-2005, 03:54 AM
Then that person is incredibly twisted and is not your friend at all.

as~i~lay~dying
11-25-2005, 07:41 AM
wow.....i guess i would #1 pray over her/with her #2 cry with her and tell her how much i love her and how much God loves her and has a better plan for her life #3 get her invovled with sumthing thats helping others...because then it takes the focus off herself and it would make her feel like people need her~~~

panhead_91
11-25-2005, 08:42 AM
I aggree w/ Jessica I have been in that situation b4 but w/ a friend but w/ my self. When I would tell my friends that they would just b there 4 me ant that is what she needs 1st and formost ome one to be there 4 her wwhen no 1 else is, some 1 who will cry whith her when noboy else will and some to pray 4 her in the time that she fells desperet and w/o hope.

sky_flashings
11-25-2005, 09:10 AM
Just be her friend. That's probably all she needs. And the fact that she told you and is giving you a month to help her menas that she doesn't really want to kill herself. It also says that she trusts you above others to give her a reason to not kill herself. I'd say you just be her friend, do stuff with her, laugh, be silly, etc. (or however you two normally are) If she brings up the suicide or you feel it is a very appropriate time to talk about it, then tell her how you feel about it and stuff. Otherwise, I'd just be her friend. Show her that you care and want to hang out with her and stuff and give her reasons why she shouldn't kill herself. And if things start to get bad, ask her if she wants to talk to your pastor or someone who can help. But remember that she came to you, not a pastor. So she may not be so open to talk with one because she knows what they're gonna say, she may not trust them, etc.

cinnamonxspider
11-25-2005, 09:30 AM
okay, thanks for all your replies, and i'm sure that more will reply as time goes on...i have another question to add to that, and it's pretty close to the question that i've already asked, just a little more general. here goes:

how do you save someone that doesn't wish to be saved?

cinnamonxspider
11-25-2005, 09:39 AM
Then that person is incredibly twisted and is not your friend at all.


and that's a really good point...i never really thought about it. if this helps, this is kind of their logic behind telling you in advance that they were going to kill themselves. they told you because they just didn't want to suprise you when they died. they said it was totally a tough call when they were thinking about telling you, but in telling you, they just basically gave you the "option" to save them, but they didn't think they could be saved anyways, they just didn't want to suprise you. i dunno, maybe you've never dealt with a person like that, and maybe it's just totally twisted in your mind, but for some reason, it does make perfect sense in theirs. they just...they love you too much to let you watch them in total misery (as their life has seemingly already been). they want to die because as much as they love you, living itself hurts so badly. i feel so stupid for springing a question like this on you guys. there's too many things i need to explain about it...oh well. press on. keep on saying what you would do.

by the way, if any of you are wondering about the religion of this person, they are sort of a nihilist. they've grown up in a christian home, but they abandoned the thought of God in high school and they now believe in possibly a higher power, but not a loving God who takes care of his people. does that make sense?

Isildur9473
11-25-2005, 10:18 AM
okay, thanks for all your replies, and i'm sure that more will reply as time goes on...i have another question to add to that, and it's pretty close to the question that i've already asked, just a little more general. here goes:

how do you save someone that doesn't wish to be saved?

You don't. You pray about it. About the worst thing you can do i start talking about God.

TheFireBreathes
11-25-2005, 10:25 AM
how do you save someone that doesn't wish to be saved?


Hmm..I wouldnt do it in this order but Im just brainstorming.

-I would try to get them to come to youthgroup everyweek
-Show them some good verses/books in the Bible
-Show them Passion Of The Christ
-Let this person here my friends/leaders testamonies
-Figure out why they dont wish to be saved
-Pray with this person
...That is about all I can think of write now, Daisy, Im just curious do you know someone who doesnt wish to be saved?

Cornflake
11-25-2005, 10:32 AM
I'd fast. It's powerful. Push back that plate as much as possible ( I know its extreme, but if you fasted 5 days , you can bet you'd have God's attention) But don't forget to pray while your fasting.

cinnamonxspider
11-25-2005, 11:23 AM
thanks for your replies...i think i was a little too general in that question...i'm not really actually talking about their salvation, i'm asking about their physical life. how do you physically save a person who has every intent on dying as soon as they figure it all out?

panhead_91
11-25-2005, 11:51 AM
Like I have said b4 pray for them and tell them how much it would hert u if they killed them self and jus Tell them how much you care about 'em

lamb_servant72
11-25-2005, 06:06 PM
I battled horrible post-pardum depression after my third child was born. When someone is clinically depressed, they cannot help those irrational thoughts and feelings.

I agree with what Tiffany said about being there for your friend. I really thought my husband was going to divorce me because I was so crazy! But, he loved me unconditionally, and I cannot even put into words how much that helped me.

I also agree with Sky_flashings that if she gave you a month, she doesn't really want to kill herself. She must believe, somewhere inside, that there is hope of getting better.

Another thing my husband did for me that really helped was when I would start verbalizing irrational thoughts, (like, "I'm a horrible mother.") he would give me very specific reasons of why they weren't true ("Remember yesterday when you took the kids to the river for breakfast? You also took the kids to the park to play with their friends on Saturday, and you took Gabriel bike riding and stopped to pick blackberries last Tuesday. That's not a horrible mother, that's a wonderful mother.")

Maybe it would help her if you wrote (very specifically) all of the things you like about her and what makes her so special.

I eventually accepted that I wasn't getting better, and I finally went on an anti-depressant. I wish I had done it sooner. I wasted alot of time.

Perhaps you could encourage her to schedule an appointment with a doctor to discuss how she is feeling.

I pray God will give you wisdom in dealing with this situation.

unshakeable15
11-25-2005, 06:57 PM
how do you save someone that doesn't wish to be saved?
well, you can and you can't save them.

you make yourself available (beyond available. like, lightyears beyond) to them so that if they decide they want help after all, you are already next to them.

you let them know where you stand, that you want to save them (or rather, that you want them to be saved) and you are willing to do what it takes to make that happen.

beyond that, you can't do much but sit back and let them feel your love radiating off of you towards them.

because, through it all, it's eventually their choice. if you strap them down to a chair and keep watch 24/7, they could still decide to kill themselves and succeed (people have been known to swallow their own tongues. plus, there is such a thing as a will to live).

newday_7
11-25-2005, 09:42 PM
i say, try your best and do it all with God, if He says tell some one then do it. and if it doesn't work, even though she says it's your fault, it's really not

Maddog
11-26-2005, 06:06 AM
okay, so i searched the threads and i couldn't find any thread that related to the question i'm about to ask. here's a dilemma for you to think about:

-think of your closest friend (besides God, as many of you would think of). now imagine that they told you an absolutely awful secret. they told you that they were going to kill themselves, but they hadn't quite gotten it all figured out yet. they still needed a few materials before they completed their task, so they gave you...say, a month to try and "save" them, on one condition. it couldn't make it back to their parents at all. if their family or any type of authority found out about it at all, they would kill themselves as soon as possible and blame you by their suicide note. okay, so now that you're backed in a totally crappy corner, what would you do?

I would be fasting and praying for that entire month. And I would probably talk to the friend. Get her/him to realize how lucky she/he is to have all she/he has and that they really arnt as bad off as they think, And if they were christian I would probably talk to them about how it was not Gods will to do what they were about to do.
And I would remind them. That no matter what that I am always there for them and maybe make a note of how they may think they are not hurting anyone, that they are actually helping. But that is not true. Because they would be hurting me. And Christ. Even if that is all the people that I know care about that person. Shouldt that be enough?
Ok the end
Madd~

Isildur9473
11-26-2005, 09:26 AM
Umm, why does fasting do anything..?

Cornflake
11-26-2005, 10:15 AM
Because it's sacrifice. Nothing grabs God's attention like when you are willing to push back food ( cause we all know humans love to eat). If fasting was useless, why would Jesus have done it for forty days? It really increases your faith, and it show's God you are truely sincere. You cannot go wrong with fasting.

skynes
11-26-2005, 11:21 AM
Umm, why does fasting do anything..?

Fasting is essentially a spiritual Nuclear Bomb.

Isildur9473
11-26-2005, 12:16 PM
All fasting is, is denying your body the nutrients it needs, and straining it. Why does that get God's attention? Why not do something good, or pray?

Maddog
11-26-2005, 12:36 PM
it focus your mind away from food. And puts it on God. I just finished fasting and it does help. It makes you feel so much closer to God. I only do it when I feel extreamly burdened by something. And I am very burdened right now about my cousin. He is worth it (chris, my cousin)

Cornflake
11-28-2005, 08:42 AM
Yes. And actually, lots of people think it also has health benefits besides the spiritual benefits.

skynes
11-28-2005, 09:19 AM
When Jesus spoke on fasting, He didn't say "If you fast" He said "WHEN you fast", He assumed that everyone following Him and listening to Him fasts.

I dunno why it works, it just does. It's a spiritual nuke and when it goes boom so does a lot of the opposition. You don't fast for long long periods. A day or two maximum unless God tells you otherwise.

Cinnamon, Prayer and Fasting over this is an excellent idea. Not for the entire month. A day this week and a day another week is plenty.

md4j
11-28-2005, 11:53 AM
okay, so i searched the threads and i couldn't find any thread that related to the question i'm about to ask. here's a dilemma for you to think about:

-think of your closest friend (besides God, as many of you would think of). now imagine that they told you an absolutely awful secret. they told you that they were going to kill themselves, but they hadn't quite gotten it all figured out yet. they still needed a few materials before they completed their task, so they gave you...say, a month to try and "save" them, on one condition. it couldn't make it back to their parents at all. if their family or any type of authority found out about it at all, they would kill themselves as soon as possible and blame you by their suicide note. okay, so now that you're backed in a totally crappy corner, what would you do?Tell someone anyway, because they can get that person help before they have time to find out that the authority knows. Unfortunately if that person does commit suicide before then and blames you then you must realize that it isn't your fault unless you was to keep quiet about it totally. I say tell someone.

lee
11-28-2005, 12:29 PM
ok, people that are suicidle have great depression and don't really want to hear that they are blessed with all the things they have. they are in a mind state that everything good is pushed out of their minds and everything bad is sucked in. i've been suicidle before, and i know what destruction it causes and how it feels. i would fast and pray for god to tell me what to do and i would get another person to pray with me for an answer on what to do in the situation. because there is no way i'm talking to that person about their sistuation unless i've been told by god to talk to them. this is a situation where you don't want to try to help that person through your own power. i would also pray through the spirit. i just want to wait for god to tell me what to say because i'm serious when i know about people in that kind of depression. god is the leader and i will follow him.

cinnamonxspider
12-01-2005, 08:31 PM
okay, just a little update for everyone, since it is quite obvious that i'm not speaking theoretically here. nothing has changed. she actually made this "deal" with me on november 15th, so i really only have about another 2 weeks to do something, and nothing has changed. don't worry, i'm not really begging for more advice, just thought i'd let you know.

Isildur9473
12-01-2005, 08:33 PM
Do this persons parents care?

asparagus
12-01-2005, 09:08 PM
Daisy,
One thought I had is school counselors. I am guessing that you feel it wouldn't help to have a professional talk to this person because it would be impersonal, right? However, I think if YOU talked to a Christian professional about this situation, they might be able to give you some excellent advice. You might begin by talking to a school counselor. Some of them are extremely talented...they're there for more than just adjusting student schedules.

Regardless, I think you should take this threat seriously (as I think you are) and you should not give up on loving this person. I think it might help for you to start talking to a number of local, trusted and wise Christians about your situation.

Keep us posted on how things go. I think we are all praying for you and your friend.

cinnamonxspider
12-02-2005, 04:11 PM
Do this persons parents care?

i'm sure they would if they knew.

Isildur9473
12-02-2005, 04:47 PM
i'm sure they would if they knew.

Have you thought about telling them?

cinnamonxspider
12-02-2005, 07:26 PM
well, i guess so, but considering she said that she would kill herself if i told her parents or anyone that would tell her parents, i don't know how much of an option it is...it's kind of hard to understand unless you know this girl. she's very stubborn, and when she says she'll do something, she won't let anything stop her.

Isildur9473
12-02-2005, 07:32 PM
well, i guess so, but considering she said that she would kill herself if i told her parents or anyone that would tell her parents, i don't know how much of an option it is...it's kind of hard to understand unless you know this girl. she's very stubborn, and when she says she'll do something, she won't let anything stop her.

I don't know what to tell you. All you can do is trust God with it.

cinnamonxspider
12-02-2005, 07:35 PM
thanks for the support. there's not much more to say about it. i honestly am beginning to lose hope and just live off the chance that there is something bigger out there that will save her...

nsvol
12-03-2005, 05:51 PM
there is something bigger that she can live for. God is the one who can take away her pain. He cares about every little thing that happens to us. hope that this helps your friend

Maddog
12-03-2005, 05:57 PM
Daisy. Nothing is bigger and better than God. I encourage your 'friend' to accept his love. He wont REMOVE all your pain. But He WILL make it bearable. He loves your 'friend' so much. I have a friend who is exactally like yours. I know stuff about her. She cuts, shes depressed and is also planning on killing herself. But I love her anyway. And you see God is the perfect friend. The perfect everything. If I who is so unperfect could love someone with flaws. How much more would God love her? More than she could ever imagine

XxskilletxX
12-03-2005, 06:02 PM
I would have to say thats a pretty bad place to be in. I would pray hard and also ask other people to pray for her with out telling them everything. Like saying "can you pray for so and so she is going through some tough times". And if she or he is a good friend then they have to have some trust toward you, So maybe if you reinsured them enough that it was a mistake it be another factor to make the friend stop. Also they don't know god so you could put a bible somewhere and the could happen to read it.

Unregistered
12-31-2005, 02:01 PM
Then that person is incredibly twisted and is not your friend at all.
When people are depressed they sometimes say things they dont mean. That doesnt make them "twisted". As for what you could do is to sit them down and let them vent to you about what has them down, most importantly is to listen to them. Dont tell them that you know how they feel because you may think you do but you dont, they arnt you and diffrent people take things diffrently.