that_other_girl
12-12-2005, 08:14 PM
Hi you guys...I'm really new here..well. not really..i made my account awhile ago but didn't realize i did..but that's not the point. I have a problem that is probably clearly started in this topic..and at times i feel it's really getting the best of me..and at times i feel that i never want to let it go. I cut...i've been cutting since i was 14 and i'm 16 now. It didn't start out bad..and i actually only "erased" my skin..but over the summer it got to the point of where i would cut my wrist just to cut..and not care if i went too deep but really hoping that i did. I have numerous scars on my left wrist..so much so that you can hardly see the vein because the skin had to regrow. I was never in an ER or anything like that...i just learned how to take care of it myself. I think back on it now..and realize how much of a miracle it is that i never hit a vein..out of at least 6 times that i have done that. I'm seeing a christian counselor now but i don't know if i will ever be able to overcome this. I don't want to be a walking corpse for the rest of my life...but i don't know if i will have any other choice but to be like that. I guess that's one reason why i love the song "open wounds" so much...if they had a music video with a girl in it...that would be me.
And also...not only for that..but for my life in general. For over the past years it seems that my life has been in a rut that i just can't get out of. My dad has ALS, my sister has diabetes, and almost died twice in the span of the last 5 months because of it (we had to rush her to the ER while we were on vacation in New Jersey seeing my family), my only living grandparent is dying...my grandma. She was the closest grandparent i ever had...and it seem that anything that can go wrong does go wrong. -_-. I just don't know how much more of this i can take... :'(

aliengurl7
12-12-2005, 08:28 PM
Hang in there, girl! I use to cut myself it took a while to quit but the only way I overcame it was through prayer, believe it or not. I would cut then cry to God for help and eventually after all those times of asking him to stop, I just stop, it was out of my life for good but it wasn't easy. Now I have the fear of death which is good thing I don't wanna die that way, thats another reason I don't go back to cutting and my family I wanna be there for them. God is faithful just keep reaching out and he will help you. Don't give up. All habits take time to break. I'll keep you in my prayers. :)

disciple
12-12-2005, 08:59 PM
You're not alone, you can be sure of that; I know of quite a few of us here who've gone through the same problem.

As far as the thread's subject goes, I'm surem any of us have gone through that problem. I, myself, enjoy pain more than I should. It took me a long time to overcome it, and it wasn't without God's help. When you feel tempted to hurt yourself, I advise you seek prayer, and make a habit of praying -- I remember I got lazy with it, I just uttered words to Him that sounded like I was asking for it -- but you have to really want it, and show it to Him in prayer. I remember begging God to release me from it, and over time, I weaned off of it, but I have never lost my love for pain.

Ask Him of it, repeatedly, and truly want it in your heart, and no doubt you'll overcome it. I wish there was more right now I could say to help you.

As far as your family problems go, I have been going through the same thing my whole life. My mother died before I was five years old, and after that my family started to fall apart. When my Dad married another woman, even more so; my oldest brother moved out, and my stepmom... well, let's just say she wasn't friendly... then my older brother (also not a friendly person) ran away... and my paternal family severed contact with us. Now, my Dad seems to be coming down with diabetes in his growing age, and he, again, is the only financial support I have due to the area we live in. My grandparents, who we are starting to get back into contact with after my parents' divorce, have little life left in them, I can tell. The story is much longer, but I hate doing anything that may turn the spotlight to me when what's really inportant is getting you through your trials.

Many of us have been through a lot here, so I hope we can manage to help you, and, over time, I hope you can fully overcome this problem with God's help. I'll be praying for you.

cinnamonxspider
12-12-2005, 11:13 PM
that sucks bad, kid. but i can tell you that i've been there...and if you have aim, i'd love to have a conversation or two with you. it's daisy21sg. if not, pm me, and i'd love to chat. i've been there and back again, and i'd love to share my story with you, as well and help you rewrite yours. and by no means am i out of the hole i dug myself, i'm still stuck at the bottom too. i started SI when i was about 13 and i'm 18 now. it's been a long, hard battle, and i'm still waiting for the day it goes up. on a side note, nice signature. same song as mine. JOJ rocks, man.

as~i~lay~dying
12-13-2005, 08:00 AM
hey there~~~ive been there too...so if you want to pm me id be happy to talk! I will be praying for you! i know its hard...but you've gotta be willing to give it up to live fully for God. He can help you through this!

Aragornsgirl217
12-18-2005, 12:36 PM
I have a friend that cuts, I know by watching her how hard it is to quit, I'll definately be praying for you!!

completely_nuts
12-18-2005, 02:10 PM
I've been there too... I've been cutting for about three years now. Just recently my parents found out and have been sending me to counseling. Also, a lady came into my life in September, and really took an interest in turning me around. She's been helping me a lot and talking with me and sharing her story with me (she was anorexic). It's really helped me to realize a lot of things that I never would have thought about before. Before, I couldn't see any hope either. But by the grace of God, I'm beginning to heal. I too will be available if you want to PM me... I've got a story you might be interested in.

and you picked the right board to ask for help on. the response to this is going to be overwhelming. ;)

Maddog
12-19-2005, 11:19 AM
I have been there too :( and i still badly want to...so I will pray for all of us like you and me and mel and daisy and jessica...Maybe we will see it for what it really is...i still dont.

as~i~lay~dying
12-19-2005, 04:53 PM
I have been there too :( and i still badly want to...so I will pray for all of us like you and me and mel and daisy and jessica...Maybe we will see it for what it really is...i still dont.
thanks...it is a struggle for me sometimes too....I will pray for you as wel!

Maddog
12-19-2005, 04:57 PM
Gratsi senyorita!

Unregistered
12-30-2005, 06:27 AM
Take it from me, I've been wanting to kill myself since I was 8 or 9. My life still isn't the life I'd like, especially with the parents. And I've gotten to points where I was totally ready to take a knife and stab my heart. But those unholy thoughts are out of my head now.
You know the band underOATH right? Look up the lyrics to one of their songs, Act of Depression(don't download it, cause you probably won't understand a word they're saying).

as~i~lay~dying
12-31-2005, 03:30 PM
You need to give your life totally and completely to God. Give up everything that makes you sad and depressed.Start living for the future (heaven) and not for down here. You can PM me and talk more if you'd like...I will pray for you. Hang in there! =)

Shadow-Phoenix
01-05-2006, 07:53 PM
I traveled down that road once... i was depressed over a stupid break in a relationship... long *Agonizing* story... anyway, i cut for a few days, stopped and started, it went on for a month, I was shocked out of it when i realized what i was doing, I had one of my knives in my hand, the tip was resting on my chest, right over my heart... I cried for several hours afterward, but I understand how that cycle goes. I will be praying for you, and if you want to talk, or want someone to listen, send me a private message, or email me at Shadow-Phoenix-x@Hotmail.com I'll be praying, God Bless, and Keep your mind set on things above, cause this world will only bring you down...

heavenly_notion
01-06-2006, 09:29 PM
Hey Jessica, I'm really sorry that you have to go through all of that. While I personally can't say that I've been there, I can say that I'll be there for you through this if you need me to be. You can add me on msn (heavenly_notion@hotmail.com) myspace (http://www.myspace.com/heavenly_notion) or pm if anything else. I'll definitely be praying for you regardless.

theelectric3
01-07-2006, 11:38 AM
you are in my prayers Jessica. *hugs*

panhead_91
01-07-2006, 12:49 PM
I have been there done that i know what ur going thru.....trust God and seek him he will help u he is the only reason i lived to tell about it when i was cutting so just trust him and if ya need N*E*one to talk to feel free to im,email or pm me I am prayen 4 ya stay strong