Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:02 PM
i just got a girlfriend on the trip home from the skillet concert in peoria. she goes to our church and is part of my youth group. she seemed nice but i found out she has a bad habit of cheating on her boyfriends and also gets very possesive. so what should i do. ???

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:04 PM
Run away. Far, far away.

Isildur9473
12-31-2005, 04:09 PM
According to your profile, you're 15. Does it really have the chance to go anywhere anyways?

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:12 PM
does what have a chance to go where

Isildur9473
12-31-2005, 04:15 PM
does what have a chance to go where

To blossom into a serious relationship that won't crash and burn after 2 weeks like most do at that age?

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:15 PM
I think he's asking you if you really think that, at the age of only 15, you have a chance of finding real love. Or something like that. In my opinion, highschool dating is ridiculous. And since you already know the girl isn't very mature (relationship-wise), why bother with it at all?



Edit... Darn it. I don't post fast enough.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:18 PM
i just dont want to end up with a stalker. and it is possible to find love in high school.

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:19 PM
A "stalker"? What are you saying?

Isildur9473
12-31-2005, 04:19 PM
i just dont want to end up with a stalker. and it is possible to find love in high school.

About 1 in 100 High School romances actually work. The rest turn into nasty divorce cases. If you're looking for a prospective wife already, try doing something more productive like studying.

Also, based off what you've told us, lose this chick.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:20 PM
if she does get possesive and i break up with her. she may not want me leaving her and following me around.

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:22 PM
i just got a girlfriend on the trip home from the skillet concert in peoria.
Really? I picked up a soda on the way home from the Thousand Foot Krutch concert in Ocala.

Isildur9473
12-31-2005, 04:22 PM
if she does get possesive and i break up with her. she may not want me leaving her and following me around.

So, in the wise words of Snoop Dog, "Drop it like it's hot" right now. This isn't going to last, so why screw around?

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:23 PM
Exactly. End it now before anything happens.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:24 PM
and a wise line from the 40 year old virgin "i just dont want to end up a lampshade in a creepy apartment"

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:25 PM
You lost me. Maybe it's because I never saw that movie.

Isildur9473
12-31-2005, 04:27 PM
and a wise line from the 40 year old virgin "i just dont want to end up a lampshade in a creepy apartment"

Are you 40? No. You're 15. You want a girl, trust me, I still do. I'm not going to get one for a long time, since their are plenty more important things than that. So don't worry about it, God will give you someone before too much longer.

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:31 PM
Dating this young only complicates life and causes pain. Wait.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:34 PM
lol dating is least of my troubles, it actually helps me.

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:34 PM
Care to explain HOW?

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:36 PM
actually i really would mind its kinda personal

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:37 PM
I just don't see how premature dating could HELP anyone, in any way.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:38 PM
keeps my mind off other things going on

Spiffles
12-31-2005, 04:39 PM
and a wise line from the 40 year old virgin "i just dont want to end up a lampshade in a creepy apartment"


It hurts more having a relationship get stuffed up and go messy a LOT more then being single for a few years... Your only 15, you have plenty of time... Enjoy life mate... You dont "need" a girl to enjoy your life.. esspecially if you tihnk she will just bog you down, or cling 24/7. If you are worried enough to post here asking questions about if it will work or not, then you really need to look at why you are entering into a relationship..
if you are expecting a long term relationship that could end up in something more permanent, then i see lots of alarms bells ringing saying, this isnt a good idea... but if this is the case, take it slowly, dont rush into the relationship... pray a whole lot... you have plenty of time to take things slow and work everything out slowly, and that will "help" you either have a better relationship if it does work, or if it doesn,t it will help you not get as hurt.
If you entering into this relationship just to have a good time, and not worried about the future, then you have to expect that it wont last a long time, and your feelings will most likely get in the way of what was initially intended, and you will probably end up hurt when it ends...
If you are entering a relationship because you think you "need" to have a girlfriend because it helps define who you are, or gives you an identity... then I would say... it will only end in hurt, and God is the best person to get your identity from...

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:39 PM
keeps my mind off other things going on


Couldn't you find better ways to take your mind off your problems? Playing with girls is an awful hobby.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:41 PM
its better than the other ways i tried

PinkGoo
12-31-2005, 04:43 PM
No. I don't care what you've done. Messing around with girls JUST to take your mind off your life's problems is WRONG.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:49 PM
its not "messing" around with girls. i dont like serious relationships i just like to have to care about, so i concentrate on them instead of myself.

Crash N Burn
12-31-2005, 04:50 PM
i know i dont have to have a girlfriend to do that but she asked me out and i said yes. but this is getting a bit off topic

Isildur9473
12-31-2005, 05:15 PM
You asked for our advice, and got it. What more point does this thread serve?

lamb_servant72
12-31-2005, 05:28 PM
Based on what you've said about her, I would be very gentle about it. Tell her you are not sure if you are ready for a relationship, but you think she is a nice person. I sounds like you want to avoid upsetting her.

BarlowgIRL
12-31-2005, 06:19 PM
Just a note here.
You sound like the type of person who is dating a new girl each week. Note the "sound" part.

When you find the girl you want to spend your life with she will either be one of those I-don't-care-that-you-date-to-have-fun types or the real ones that will look at that and say "How do I know that you will want to stay with me forever?"

I have no respect for guys that I know that are like that so you might be losing some respect with people in your youth group.

Ya might, also, want to talk to your youth pastor.

Cornflake
01-01-2006, 12:42 PM
Now that above comment was just wrong..

as~i~lay~dying
01-01-2006, 02:44 PM
yeah it was kinda rude...now if I were you I would break up with her and spend your time with God. He can help you through anything that is going on in your life, He wants too! Besides its waay better to wait for him to bring someone to you, by being out of His will, and in this relationship you are missing out on so many things God has planned for your life. And think about your future wife(wich will most likely NOT be this girl), don't you want to be able to give her your whole heart?I used to date too a lot to try to fill that hole in my heart and I regret it more than anything...I wish I had my whole heart to give to my future husband~ I'm glad i "wised up" now instead of later though~So...take our advice seek hard after God and He will bless you! =)

Pretendeavor
01-01-2006, 02:55 PM
hmm if a girl trys to change you or something i whould dump her. i mean when your in love its all about the love you have for each other.

drumchick101
01-01-2006, 05:42 PM
Now, the thing that I keep on tinking about is that you heard these things and you don't know them for yourself. Honestly,I don't think I want to discourage you right away. I myself would not get into a relationshhip this way, but I can't expect you to be like me seeing as though I am me and you and you. If you are genuinly interested in her than wait a minute before you just break up with her. She might not be the way that they say that she is. But if she is that way and you have no desire to date her than, well...break it to her gently and hope for the best. Sorry man, girls can be crazy.

Now, what everyone is saying about taking time off of the whole dating scene and spending time with God is all good but I wanted to give you another side to things. However, if it is a girlfreind (or anything else, really)that helps you get your mind off of these "personal things" than those problems will never go away because you are just distracted from them, they are still there. Perhaps you should face them head on so that you can become better for it. If you run forever (& distracting yourself is a form of running) then they will be there forever, even after the situation is gone, the scars and memories will still plague you because they are not delt with. Now, this really doesn't have much to do with whether you should go out with this girl, & it is completly off topic, but I felt that I should share that with you because the longer you just disract yourself and forget about it, the longer you will be suffereing & I encourage you to run to the father with all of these things whether you date her or not. The word says this:

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

In these things you are laboring and getting your mind off of it is your break, I understand. But when she goes home and all it quiet and you sit in the dark alone they are still there but if you give them to the father, He will give you rest, real rest.

Ok ok ok, I'm done with my not so little digression. You can't say I was completly off-topic, I had a little paragraph at the top that had to do with it! *hopes for a small portion of brownie points for that* ;). But anyways, my heart goes out to you, Chris. You are not as alone as you think you are.

><sarah><

skilltroks
01-01-2006, 05:46 PM
(I deleted my comment, after reading it I decided it was abit offensive. sorry about that!)
After giving this situation a hard thought I would ask her to just be friends, she really will listen. But talk to your youth pastor, and get knowledge from someone older.

Crash N Burn
01-01-2006, 05:48 PM
thanks sarah and your right shes not really like that, i spent alot of today with her and we have alot incommen. also i am facing my demons, i am in consolling for it and seing a shink.

Crash N Burn
01-01-2006, 05:50 PM
lol its ok sarah its takes a bit more than that to offend me

drumchick101
01-01-2006, 05:57 PM
thanks sarah and your right shes not really like that, i spent alot of today with her and we have alot incommen. also i am facing my demons, i am in consolling for it and seing a shink.

That's good, I'm glad it's working out then. Counseling and all that is good, but don't forget that God is the best cousellor there is and He heals everything, even demons. Just wanted to throw that in.

><sarah><

Cornflake
01-01-2006, 06:45 PM
Pondering on it, I have a few comments to add.

First of all, there are two ways you can learn from a mistake. The first way, is from other people . The second way, is through first hand experience.

In alot of things, the first way, learning from other people, is the best way. This way, you don't have to go through all the pain your self. But what's the saying? "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all," ?

Now I admit, I have gave pieces of my heart to two girls. I still think about both of them. When you give someone a piece of your heart, you'll always feel a certain way about them. For all the pain I went through , though, I don't think I'd trade a thing. The time well spent, the delicious kisses ( I know some are against kisses, and maybe at 15 he might be, but I am 17 on the other hand, and for me to mostly draw the line at kisses, I think I am atleast entitled :D ) all the late night conversations.. I wouldn't trade them for anything.

On another note. Using a girl to get your mind off of things...

This strikes me as using the girl as a tool ( thanks Mike for enlightening me to this). You should never use a girl, or make her a tool. This is not fair to her.

One last point.

NEVER EVER take the things people say about a girl as law. Girls tend to backstab other girls alot. And guys whos' hearts shes broke, maybe resented her and said bad things about her. Now, I'm not saying totally ignore them. But just cause a few guys or girls say shes a this , or shes a that, doesn't mean its true. To judge a girl, based on only things you've HEARD, is almost like prejudice. You should get to know her. Maybe , a good guy would make her want to be a better person.

I know we should strive to be the best we can morally because we love God, but I know I dropped smoking, drinking, and for the most part cussing when I was going out with the last girl I went out with. She made me want to be a better person. Now that we are apart, I've somewhat , shamefully, picked up the latter again. But I try.

Like I said, you shouldn't base your morals off of her, but in some cases it does give a boost. God should always be the one to look to for right and wrong, because he sets the standards.

Thank you for your time.

aliengurl7
01-01-2006, 06:55 PM
i just got a girlfriend on the trip home from the skillet concert in peoria. she goes to our church and is part of my youth group. she seemed nice but i found out she has a bad habit of cheating on her boyfriends and also gets very possesive. so what should i do. ???

get a clue... dump her.

Cornflake
01-01-2006, 06:57 PM
Everyone judges books by the cover.. its sad.

aliengurl7
01-01-2006, 06:59 PM
if she cheats on her boyfriends, thats the whole story. dump her.

Crash N Burn
01-01-2006, 07:08 PM
what is it with peolpe thinking im using her. I AM NOT.

aliengurl7
01-01-2006, 07:40 PM
who said you were using her? where did you get that from? I said to dump her not use her.Does dumped sound like used.

Cornflake
01-01-2006, 09:21 PM
Everything said about this girl is rumors and heresay. Yet you act like it is truth. We've never even met her. If I said "fox news said orlando bloom was gay " half of you would believe me even though I made it up. What I'm getting at, is he's the only one who knows her, let him make the decision. I think sarah made the best advice. You're telling him to break up with her just because of the trace of a possiblity she might cheat.

amodman
01-01-2006, 10:04 PM
If I said "fox news said orlando bloom was gay " half of you would believe me even though I made it up.

[off-topicness]

Mostly I'd believe because it's true (the Bloom's gay part, no clue about fox news), but that's another issue entirely

[/end off-topicness]

agent_c68
01-01-2006, 11:36 PM
back on topic...

I agree that the only one who knows her is Crash N Burn, but you haven't painted a very possitive picture of her. I've been in a similar situation and have posted about a girl and they have said how horrible she was and how I should not be going out with a girl like her. I didn't say alot about her character, only a few things she did, without context, that did not presnt her in a good light. She is a wonderful woman and I am glad to know her, but the circumstances were not right for us. But at the same time, the opposite can happen, when people hide the bad things about people they like. either way, the only judgements we can make are based on what you have said. If we comment on something you said about her, then take it into consideration porportional to how she really is (for example, if she was cheating on very few guys who were not respecting her. or if she was cheating because the other guy was more exciting then the guy she was currently going out with. I don't know which one is closer to the way she is, nor am i asking, just consider it and the advice given by others here)

dating is least of my troubles, it actually helps me.

It may help when things are good and working, but what happens when it fails and that crutch that you've been leaning on is taken away? I've been in the same situation, and you don't get stronger leaning on the crutch. and in my experience, when the crutch is taken away, you fall harder, faster.

From what you have said, She has cheated on old boyfriends and she asked you out. Correct? If that is true, then I'd break it off because it appears that she is using you maybe. Think about it, from what you've said she cheats on guys and she choose you. With that information about her and how you've said dating "helps" you, I would say that it is better for you (at least) if you were not in the relationship. Worst case scenario, when she cheats on you, you will be both hurt and will loose all the "progress" you've made and more by using her.

But it might not be a loss yet... Both of you go to prayer about it. Ask God if you should be going out and how to proceed. Put God first in the relationship, and that's not a one time descision. Start every date with prayer, end it with prayer, spend time together in Bible study, etc. If God is first when you seek the relationship, then he will give you the One. But sometimes that means you will not get the ones that you want, and sometimes that means you may have to wait a long time, but when it comes, it's worth all the waiting.

Mr. Xcitement
01-02-2006, 12:54 AM
Well I wouldn't say all high school relationships end bad, I sort of have one, we met in high school, but didn't start dating till after highschool, we are very happy, have a baby and one on the way, both going into the medical field, and I was the one who brought her to Christ (which I'm very happy about). As for my opinion on the whole situation, I believe in meeting the person yourself, don't base things off what others say, how does she treat you? If she really does love you, then she won't cheat (even if she has before), also, people change, I know some of you might say "they're in highschool, they won't change soon), but they could, freshman year I didn't talk to anyone, wore all black (trench coat and everything) and by Junior year, I was wearing white shirts, shorts, bought my first white pair of shoes, and started talking to anyone who started a conversation with me, or if I noticed something they had that was cool I might comment. I guess what I'm saying, is even if she has done those things in the past, she can change, everyone can, and everyone deserves another chance. I would definitely say sit deep in prayer, but I wouldn't say dump her, because even if the relationship isn't to last, I know how it is to want to be loved and sometimes just want someone to hold you, which is why I don't think I was really hurt much at all when my relationships ended, having a girlfriend can be very comforting, but you should sit in prayer and maybe even talk to her about it, an open and honest relationship is one that works, or so I feel at least. I'll be praying for ya, love is an awesome thing. ;D

Crash N Burn
01-05-2006, 07:17 PM
we broke up. we decided it wouldnt work out. but we still hang out. i had only known her for like a day when we went out. and we have little in common

completely_nuts
01-06-2006, 03:24 PM
we broke up. we decided it wouldnt work out. but we still hang out. i had only known her for like a day when we went out. and we have little in common
see? prime example of teenage relationships. dating simply to say that they're dating. I'm sorry, but I see this over and over again, and it sickens me.

I'm done now. carry on.