01-11-2006, 02:44 PM
I, personally don't really have a problem with lust all that much, but this is a prayer request for two of my best buds.
I have contemplated putting this up since this is a hush hush situation, but, I think you all can help me with my prayers.

My friends, (let's call them Stacy and Ron), have been around with each other for awhile. Ron is the pastors son at my church and Stacy works at Pizza Hut in the town where I live. Slowly but surely we (the youth group) befriended her, and we won her over to God. She has had a somewhat hard life and when she recieved the holyghost, we were thrilled. Stacy and Ron have been "sweet" on each other for awhile. they recently started calling themselves Boyfriend and Girlfriend. In fact, Stacy liked Ron so much that I think it was one of the big things that helped her come back to God. Now, Ron, I know he has views about premarital sex, he is totally against it. Stacy, I really don't know if she is a virgin or not.

Ron goes over to Stacy's house quite a bit, and vice-versa, and they end up staying up until early hours of the morning or just staying the night. To me, this is playing with fire. I've seen them kiss and cuddle and what not, and I know that it really isn't my business what they do, but it really worries me.
One of my other friends, who is really good friends with both of them also, was going to move in with Stacy. Ron came over that night, and they all watched a movie and my friend went off to bed. She came to me because she really needed someone to help her pray. She said that she awoke that next morning to Ron leaving the house around 7 am or so. Thinking nothing much of it, she walked into Stacy's bedroom to get her hair products and bent over and noticed something. Stacy wasn't wearing a shirt or a bra. My friend said she sat down and cried over it for about an hour and told me later that day. We were baffled. Why does Ron, a pastor's son, put himself through such a thing? I love both of them with all my heart, and to tell the truth, We dont know what exactly happened. But all we can do is pray for them.
My friends cousin's friend is going to move into Stacy's house (my friend decided she couldn't deal with knowing about it and living with it.) and Stacy openly admitted that her and Ron were sleeping together.

I know that this is all a big he said she said, but me and my friend, and her mom are pretty much the only ones in the church who knows this. We are baffled at what to do, it's very hard to go to your pastor and talk to him when it's his son thats going through it.

What I'm asking is for anyone to help me pray for them. I really hate to see two Christians following God's light to be headed down the wrong road. Please pray for God to convict them, and for them to turn to God in their time of need.


01-11-2006, 02:49 PM
Wow, that's horrible! I'll be praying!

01-11-2006, 03:45 PM
yeah thats really sad i am praying

01-11-2006, 07:21 PM
Reading that, I felt pain in my heart to hear that... I will be praying.

01-11-2006, 08:28 PM
^yeah me's so easy to fall into that trap, it's for real the worst decision you could ever heart goes out to them and the emotional struggles that await ahead =( I will most definately say a prayer for them!

01-12-2006, 01:11 AM
Ok so I found the thread.

As ironic as it is, I've noticed that Pastor's kids and those raised in Christian families are WEAKER Christians than those who get saved later in life! So I'm not that surprised at this turn of events.

I suppose a problem comes in that snce he's a Pastors son, people 'assume' he knows better. This isn't always the case. A lot of the time they don't know any better, because everyone assumed they know, noone bothered to tell them!

You never told me their ages, so I'm going to assume they're around 17/18 or thereabouts.
That's one of the most difficult times for guys and girls in this. Hormones go ballistic, freedom is more readily available. They're given more adult benefits when a lot of the time they aren't ready for it!

For him to start a relationship with a new believer is STUPID! Absolutely STUPID! I cannot emphasise enough how idiotic an idea that is.
This is a new believer, starting out in Faith, they are weak, they get tossed around with doctrines and they simply are unable to handle mature things! They need to be looked after very carefully for quite a while before they're able to really walk in Faith. Expecting a baby Christian to say 'No' to sin is like expecting a guy in his first day of Alcoholics Anon to say 'No' to beer.
It just doesn't happen!

You wanna know why he puts himself through this? My guess is that if confronted on it he will state that he sees no problems with sleeping with someone he loves.
I'm fairly sure that's where he got suckered in. He figured "we're not married, but I love her and I want to marry her, so whats the problem?"

I understand your problem with going to the Pastor, but I think it might have to be done. Sin within the Pastor's family undealt with, could tear apart that church.

I don't condemn or feel any negativeness toward Ron or Stacy. What they did, they did willingly and more than likely with the thoughts that it was an ok and good thing to do. I understand that, but it doesn't make it right, it was still wrong.

I suggest you tread lightly. We all know this is a highly personal and touchy subject, poke the wrong nerve and the results can be disasterous. Eventually it will need to be brought to the attention of the Pastor, when that is, I think is up to God.

Pray for Wisdom and guidance for yourself and all those involved (including Ron, Tracy and Ron's dad). Leave the convicting of sin to God, that's his department. You can tell them OF the sin, but don't try to convict.

Yeah I know they're obvious and you probably already know them, it's nice to be clear though.


Let me make this warning absolutely clear:
Be careful with condemning thoughts!

I know noone here has openly condemned them, but I know some of you are going to think it at one time or another. It's easy to do but please be very careful, or you may find that YOU end up in the very same situation doing the very same things!

01-12-2006, 05:54 AM
As ironic as it is, I've noticed that Pastor's kids and those raised in Christian families are WEAKER Christians than those who get saved later in life! So I'm not that surprised at this turn of events.

I suppose a problem comes in that snce he's a Pastors son, people 'assume' he knows better. This isn't always the case. A lot of the time they don't know any better, because everyone assumed they know, noone bothered to tell them!

I have a few more ideas on this. First of all, I think PK's do know better.

First theory: PK's are exposed to alot on a spiritual level very early.

Remember the Transference of Spirits thread?

Imagine being in second grade. You've just given your life to Christ. Your father, the pastor, often opens the home to drunkards, homeless, former inmates just released from prison, for the purpose of ministering. People are in the home all of the time, receiving deliverance.

Do you think these unclean spirits would not jump at the chance of messing with the pastor's family?

I remember a man in our church, when I was probably seven, who was mentally challenged. I remember one day in the car him holding me down in his lap and looking at me intently and kissing me.

I was so uncomfortable!! I wanted Mama to tell him to stop!! I had been taught not to disrespect adults, so of course, I couldn't tell him to stop!

Mama turned around and gave me the meanest look. Now on top of feeling gross, I felt guilty!!

Mama, being the pastor's wife, didn't want to offend someone in the church. She sacraficed her child for that.

(This story actually goes with Theory 2, also.)

(Don't get me wrong, I love my parents very much. I had a good childhood. But, no one is perfect. I know I've made enough mistakes as a parent, no matter how wonderful of a mother I want to be!)

I don't remember a time as a child that I was not captivated by lust. I don't know if that's normal. Maybe it was just my flesh.

I think pastor's need to be very careful that they are praying for the protection of their families. Some don't do that the way it is needed.

Theory Two (and these can all work together, by the way): Pastors are often so busy ministering to others, they neglect to minister properly in there own home. At the same time, pastors often treat their family as if they should be on the same spiritual plane.

I can remember trying to discuss biblical questions with my father, and feeling like he was talking to me as if I was one of his college professors. I remember thinking, "If I was so-and-so from the youth group, he would take more time to explain it to me on my level."

I realize now this was disrespectful, but that was how I felt.

So, the theory is, PK's often feel like they don't matter to the pastor. Why not engage in a little sin on the side? No one cares.

Theory Three: When your life has been "perfect", what kind of testimony is that? What has God really saved you from?

I realize this is errant thinking, but it is still the way many PK's think.

I remember telling my best friend in high school that she had such an awsome testimony! God had saved her from drinking, cussing, smoking, her mother's many boyfriends who frequented the home. What was my testimony? I hadn't done anything to be saved from!

She tried to help me see that was a testimony in itself, that God had spared me from all of that.

I do think this answers the question of why sometimes PK's and those who come to God early are weaker than those who come to God later. They haven't experienced life without God. They don't understand what it's like not to have Him.

They're given more adult benefits when a lot of the time they aren't ready for it!

Where does the pastor think his child is when he is spending the night with this girl? Is Ron lying to his father to engage in this?

As for the rest of what Scott said, I couldn't agree more.

However, I think it's important to note that the Bible does give us specific instruction of how to handle a brother in sin.

Although, my first instinct would be to go to the pastor, Matthew 18:15-17 tells us how to handle a situation like this.

15 And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.

(My personal opinion is that if there is a male youth member among those that know, it should be him that goes and talks with Ron.)

16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.

(Again, my personal opinion, I wouldn't tell anyone new at this point, I would make this the group that already knows.)

17 And if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax-gatherer.

(I feel like Jesus would want you to go to the pastor at this point.)

01-12-2006, 08:09 PM
Thank You so much Scott, Lisa and others for your prayers. Scott, I agreed with alomost all that you said. I know there is really nothing I can do when it comes to convicting them, that is definitely God's job. I haven't treated them any different, in fact, I have been loving them more since. but I will say that Ron DOES know better, he's 19, he is very mature, and I would hate to say he was pulled into it, but I really don't know. Stacy is 18, and I totally agree that dating a new christian was an ENTIRELY STUPID thing to do.
Lisa, I find it very helpful as to the POV of a Pastor's Kid. I definitely know what it is like. I wasn't one per se, but my dad was. He hasn't had too much bad things to say, but he regrets his father not letting him follow his dreams because of the strict religion he was in. And he tells me of trying times within himself that he had, much like your stories.

The thing that frightens me about going to my Pastor is that he favors his children HIGHLY (this is my opinion) over others. and I can't help but feel that he wouldn't believe someone against his own son. I told my friend that we really need to tell him and it would make things better, but she has the feelings that I listed above (but even stronger) I know in my heart that my pastor would understand and not use this as hard fact or hold anything against us, but it is seriously a hard thing to think about.
As for keeping it between the people that already know. this is a definite, I did confide in my family to help me pray, but I gave no details (my friend told me to tell them, and they knew what I was talking about immediately). I have been praying for guidance from God, and guidance for them as well.
Lisa you said that a male member of the youth group should talk to Ron, well those males are my brothers, and they are very good friends with Ron. One of them is almost in denial about the whole thing. My other brother, the eldest of 21 said he wished Ron would come to him and talk about it, but he really doesn't want to make the first move. But I guess it would really help Ron to hear it from another male...

Thanks again for the help, guys. Please pray for me also!


01-13-2006, 12:40 AM
A very yucky situation. I do hope that when the Pastor learns of this, he doesn't take his sons word over others. That would result in catastrophy.

That's a good point Lisa about the spirits attacking a ministers family. I hadn't thought of that.

01-13-2006, 04:37 AM
Thanks Savannah, for confirming some of the things I felt as a pastor's child.

The first pastor I had after I moved away from home was like that with his children. They could do no wrong. He would make CD's of their singing and display them up front at church to sell. I guess the choir director got a break, though...his children sang most services! I couldn't imagine having to go to him and tell him something about his kids!

However, I feel like you should ask your brother to read Matthew 18:15-17 from his Bible. Those were the words that Jesus said. This is His church. He doesn't play with sin. Perhaps your brother could pray over that scripture, and see what God wants.

I think it would take alot of guts for him to go to Ron. I would read the scripture to Ron, and then state why I'm there.

Ron, as the preacher's son, is not only entrapped in this sin, he is bringing Stacy with him, but he is also putting you and your friends in a horrible, soul wrentching situation.

Another option is to pray that this sin would be exposed. I've had that prayer work alittle too well for me a time or two!

God understands how hard this is for you all, this is the pastor's son! Perhaps, if God allowed this to be exposed to the pastor through Ron, it would be alot less traumatic for everyone. Then, the pastor would never even have to know you all knew.

01-13-2006, 12:47 PM
Lisa, I will definitely show that scripture to my brother. I feel like he is the right one to do this, if anyone, I consider him one of the biggest spiritual warriors in my family. I think the best option right now is to pray that it would be shown, or that Ron himself would confess of anything that might've happened. I think Ron is on the verge of telling it right now. We have had revival all week and one of the nights he prayeed like I had never seen him pray. I KNOW he was feeling conviction, I could feel it in the atmosphere. But as to whether it will come out soon, I don't think so. I just found out my pastors mother died and we saw the family car parked at the local funeral home where Ron works. So, I don't think Ron will tell anytime remotely soon. I think Ron knows that it would be worse for him. So now pray for Ron, Stacy, the youth group, and the Pastor and his family.

01-13-2006, 01:40 PM
I will definitely continue to pray, Savannah. Perhaps, it is all working together to draw Ron closer. Thanks for the update.

01-17-2006, 01:47 PM
I think maybe things are getting a little better. But as far as the two acting a little less attracted to each other (or a sign that maybe they might be stopping) it hasn't seemed to happen. I know that all we can do is to pray, and let God handle it. Thanks everyone for your prayers, I will continue to update.


01-25-2006, 11:58 AM
Well this isn't necessarily an update, but more of a conformation...

My mom just randomly told me she had had a dream that she saw Stacy and she was full-bellied and pregnant...this frightened me....I immediately thought she was pregnant literally. But my mom has recently gotten what is called a "Dream Dictionary" it tells you what dreams that you had might've meant. I looked up the word pregnant....It said that something (a situation or a happening) might be soon exploited. something big was about to happen. It said nothing about the person that was pregnant though. Whether it would happen to her, I don't know...but nevertheless, I must continue to ask for your prayers....Nothing has seemed to change. I feel like I pray about it every chance I get, It's tending to consume me, It's all I can think about....but anyways.


01-25-2006, 02:21 PM
Never trust dream dictionaries. Believe me. It's just something you need to lean on prayer for.

The dream may have just been your mother worrying. Dreams like that are common, trust me.

01-26-2006, 12:40 AM
^ Dittoed. I think the dream interpretation thing is a load of crap. The pregnancy is something you all fear, so it's natural you'll dream it.

If you want to take it as anything, take it as a nudge to put extra prayer in here for both of them.

01-27-2006, 12:45 PM
That's very true, My mom believes whole-heartedly in that thing- I really just picked it up and decided I was going to see what it said.

My pastor preached a sermon on handing things over to God, and I had realized that even though I had been praying vigorously about it, I hadn't handed it over to him. Once I did, I felt so much better, the thought of it all was a gigantic burden for me to carry, and I am glad that things are definitely better (with me anyways)


01-27-2006, 08:34 PM
Ya, that's somthing I had to learn after people began to trust me at school. By that I mean that they would tell me what was going on in their lives and that would give me a huge burden to pray for them because I feel that that was their alterior motive for telling me: they know I'm a christian and they know that I will pray for them. But God showed me that I can't be weighed down all the time, He wants me to pray for them, but also hand it over to Him. After all, He is in control ;). I guess I forget sometimes. I can identify with that weight lifted off of you, a weight like that was just lifted off of me today.

And about the dream dictionary, my mom has one of those. It annoys me because it's like this fake confort you run to and put your faith in every time you have a dream. Sometimes what it says can apply, but dreams are personal. I feel that she should pray and let God show her the interperetation. I actually just had a dream and it's driving me nuts because I can't figure out for anything what it meant but I know God will show me.


01-31-2006, 12:58 PM
Yes, I definitely forget from time to time that God can help me figure things out. I try constantly to carry things by myself, and before I know it, I'M in a downward spiral instead of the person whos burden I'm carrying.
People come to me with their problems a lot. I think you're right in that they know that I will pray for them. But also, I think I have this way about me, people automatically catch it, and they keep coming back when the see that I actually listen to them. I am a good listener, and a good advice-giver (so people have told me), I think that makes all the difference.


02-01-2006, 01:00 AM
You know the burden of others has actually been weighing me down quite a bit. As silly as it is, I hadn't thought of giving it over to God like that... Thanks :)

02-01-2006, 08:18 AM
I'm glad I could help, You're quite welcome :)

02-02-2006, 11:56 AM
Ya, with me, I don't think they do it because I'm even good at anything. I think they just sense that I care and I'm not going to stab them in the back as soon as they leave. I don't know about where you live, but around here, that's a rare quality for a girl.


02-02-2006, 12:50 PM
Yeah, pretty much the same at school and everything....