petrameansrock
02-26-2006, 10:07 AM
I know I write SO many similar topics in this forum so Im sorry if its a little weird.

Well. This weekend I found out that my "best friend" has been feeling overwhelmed and smothered by me for the past few weeks. In the spring I always get real depressed and dependent on whoever Im closest to. That happened again. Whenever I ask her if she wants to do something she always says "I dont know" which is a sign that SOMETHING is wrong. Also, shes been getting many new friends lately, not GOOD GOOD friends, but friends. Probably trying to make up for me hanging around her so much. Usually, we practice our instruments before and after school together, and I usually follow her around then. This weekend she made up with one of her ex-friends that she "HATED" before. She said she made up with her because she missed her. This I think is obviously all in response to me, whether consciously or subconsciously. Ive already decided that saving our relationship is more important to me than my temporary happiness, so Ive talked to her and decided for myself that I should stop practicing with her, stop sending her text messages, stop calling, all until I feel im not so dependent on her. What I want to know, is it possible for this relationship to be saved? Can it ever go back to the way it was before? I hate losing friends, especially best friends. Can this be saved?

lamb_servant72
02-26-2006, 04:58 PM
I had a friendship I had to end about four years ago. It's the only time I have ever had to do that, but I knew it was best for both of us.

We had been through alot together and we were very close. But, she became obsessive, and I knew it wasn't good for her.

My friend would call me and talk to me for hours every day. It really hindered me from doing things I needed to do, like spending time with my children. She had small children, also. It wasn't about anything important, but it was always a crisis. Wether it was her husband, her health, or her hair, we had to discuss it for hours a day. If she called and I was at the store, I was drilled about why I hadn't been there for her when she called.

We went to the same church, and she was often in a huge arguement with one or more members. She expected me to be "loyal" to her, and to turn my back on whichever of my friends she was mad at at the time. She actually said to me once, word for word, "If you're going to play with her Barbies, you can't play with mine." (She was referring to my [longer] friendship with her sister-in-law when she found out my family had gone over to their house for dinner.)

I miss her. I pray for her. Sometimes I think about calling her to see how she's doing, but I'm afraid of going back into that.

I'd suggest if you think you are getting signals from someone to back off, do it. If you are misinterpreting the signals, they will let you know. If you are not, you may have just saved the friendship. I would give her some space. Respect what she is asking you to do, then be there for her when she is ready to resume the friendship at her own pace.

as~i~lay~dying
02-26-2006, 08:01 PM
It's really mature and cool what you have decided. It's best to let go of that relationship until you are depending on GOD fully...and you don't have to depend on a person. I had a friend who was kinda "obssessed" with me. He talked about marrying me and all this stuff I wasnt(and am still not) ready for. He had to give me up for a while, now we are good friends again(w/out the talk of marriage and such) and its really cool. So do I think it can be saved? yes. Should it? I personally think not. #1 You couldnt have fixed your problmes in this area so quickly and #2 If she is hanging with the wrong crowd, you guys SHOULDNT be good friends because eventually she WILL pull you down! SOOO...my advice to you, talk to God about this, make HIM your best friend and put ALL your dependance on HIM and HIM ALONE! =)
God bless,
Jessica

skilletosis
02-27-2006, 07:54 AM
Petra you just need to get involved with other things. Get more involved with school. Find someone else to jam with. Hang out with your other friends more often. With spring approaching thiers tons of comunity activities beginning. When you have enough activity in your life you'll find you wont want to constantly call, text, or jam with her nearly as much.

frymeskillet
02-27-2006, 12:27 PM
So, this is something that I haven't necessarily experienced....well maybe from the other P.O.V... I had a friend that was extremely clingy...I let it go for awhile, but things steadily got worse and we ended up getting in a huge cat fight ::] and the friendship ended in a bitter way. So yeah, You should definitley try to find something else to put your time into. Trying to revive the relationship? I would say what Jessica said. Ask God. He is the ultimate advice-giver. He will always give you the right answer....I would specifically say to pray for his will...Hope this helped :)

-Savannah-

frymeskillet
02-27-2006, 12:27 PM
haha ^ oops :P

unshakeable15
02-27-2006, 06:00 PM
haha ^ oops :P
fixed. :) i got rid of the first one.

(tho you can hit the edit button to delete or alter your post if you like).

frymeskillet
02-28-2006, 01:17 PM
fixed. :) i got rid of the first one.

(tho you can hit the edit button to delete or alter your post if you like).

yeah, I hit the back button instead of editing...oh well...

*back on subject now* ;D