03-20-2006, 06:51 AM
I prayed for years for a woman who shared my faith, my energy, my likes and dislikes, my morals and ethics. For someone who loved kids, was smart, fit, and had a great sense of humor. But above all, someone who had a heart as great, if not greater, for the Lord as I do. Last year, after 5 years of prayer, He answered. EVERY SINGLE point in one wonderful, beautiful, incredible woman. I had found my soulmate, the one person who God created that was absolutely perfect for me in every way. I had found the person I wanted, and was so absolutely sure I would spend the rest of my life here on earth, and in eternity, with. Happiness beyond happiness, joy beyond joy. I had a purpose, a reason to live.

I also prayed that he would safeguard our love until we could be permanently together and, that if it wasn't in His will that we were to be married, that it would be her decision, that she would not be the one hurt and that He would freeze my heart back up, solid, cold, never to love again.

This morning, I found out He had answered another prayer. I am again alone. This was the last chance I was going to take. I will never pray for myself again, because this was a once in a lifetime answer. Don't pray for me for love, because I have to be willing to take the chance again and I never EVER will. I know this had to be a horrible decision for her to make, she needs/deserves all your prayers.

Why did God let me taste such complete true incredible love and then take it away?
For me, it would have been far better never to have loved like that then to have lost it.

Now, I'm just sitting back...waiting to die, one day at a time. i have no doubt i have done numerous things in my past to warrant this. He always punishes justly.

03-20-2006, 07:56 AM
uhhh.... okay?

03-20-2006, 08:09 AM
never mind. i'm sure i deserve what happened.
WHAT? Why did you delete all of that? I read it.

You need to put it back up, Scott.

03-20-2006, 11:17 AM
I am in no place to tell you that it will be okay, and in absolutly no place to tell you that I even begin to understand. I have never loved, nor have I lost...I'm just a silly 17 year old girl. It really kills me not to put somthing that will encourage you, but I don't feel that my efforts will be credible. Know that my heart goes out to you and I am praying for God's will in your life.


03-20-2006, 11:25 AM
i have no doubt i have done numerous things in my past to warrant this. He always punishes justly.

And he also forgives mercifully. when you accepted Christ the 'numerous things' were wiped out of history. What you endure today is NOT because you deserve it or as punishment for what you've done, but the painful effect of living in a screwed up world.

03-20-2006, 01:28 PM
I know my situation is a lot different, but I found that when my ex- dumped me, after I was lauding about how perfect a fit she was for me, that she wasn't the right one for me. I just gullibly let her fool me.

But yeah, I was quite sour about the breakup for a couple months after the fact. I was much like you are now.

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