Audio-Slave
04-29-2006, 08:00 AM
(this is pretty self centered, but I don't know where else to go, cause no one I've talked to seems to care)I used to have this friend named James. He was always verbally abusing me and treating me like a worthless piece of crap. I managed to take it for another few weeks, before I finally gave up on him. But now I don't have any friends. Every single person I try to befriend just forgets about me because they're already busy with their other friends. Every day at school I'm alone, and I see James with his million friends. Idon't get it! What did I do wrong?!?!?! I didn't do anything bad while trying to be a friend, and James was being terrible to me abd he as all these friends. WHY GOD, WHY?!?!?!?! How is this gonna pay off in the end? How come James isn't getting what he deserves? And why am I not getting any damn friends(sorry for the language)?

All I know is, I hate James's guts with all of my might. It seems like God loves him more than me. I hope James burns in hell as payback for what he did to me.

agent_c68
04-29-2006, 09:06 AM
I know what you are going through, I went through the same thing from middle school through my sophmore year in high school. It sucks. One thing i recomend is that you keep trying, you are not suddenly going to be someone's best friend who will talk with you all the time and invite you to hang out when ever. It also, usually, takes time to get into a group of friends. I'd give you some advice, but I don't know where you have trouble.

on James being popular, I've noticed that people admire confedence. he (appears) confedent enough to say what he wants with fear of what people think of him. Because of that, until some is directly offended by him, they will flock to him.

But having a lot of friends comes with it's price. there is a lot of drama, especially in High school and middle school, when there are a lot of people that are friends with each other. There are issues that come up that are not pleasant to deal with, rumors, "being marked" by girls, "he said - she said", friends venting, people wanting stuff... the more people that are around him, the more of these issues he finds himself with.

I would also recommend that you check your attitude. If you are obviously furious about something that some may think is just a silly misunderstanding, then they will be turned off by that. Realize that people don't know the whole story, and you can turn out to be the bad guy if you are bad mouthing who is in good standing with a lot of people.

Also, you should forgive James. From what you've said, you have a right to be angry with him and not want to spend your time with him, but don't let that develop into bitterness. Bitterness is like drinking poison while waiting for your enemy to die, it only hurts you. You don't have to go back to him, from what you've said it's probably better if you don't, but you should forgive him.

Isildur9473
04-29-2006, 09:08 AM
That's one wise Vulcan. It took me a while to get into a group of friends, but don't worry, it will happen.

Also, might just be me, but condeming someone to hell is a bit extreme over a friendship in school.

not_you
04-29-2006, 03:10 PM
Bitterness is like drinking poison while waiting for your enemy to die, it only hurts you.


I couldn't agree with you more.

Audio-Slave
04-29-2006, 08:35 PM
Thanx agent, what you said helped me. I do over react on stupid subjects alot, and I could go from liking someone, to hating that same person, all in that same day(I have anger managment issues, and I have Asperger's Syndrome, if you've heard of it). Well, either I shouldn't have ever befriended James, or I shouldn't have let him use me, and I shoul've shown him who's boss. And I have tried to go back to him. He wouldn't let me go near him(I iniciated the split, I should've stated that), so I just decided to forget it. And yeah, I may be going too extreme(especially when I say that I want to brutally dismember him in front of his mother, lol), but I hated all the things he called me. The first month or two of our relationship was great, and chopped full of good times. But somewhere along the road, he turned into the a-hole that I was complaining about. I guess all I have left are memories of the good times we shared in the begining. But hey, ther'll be other friends, somewhere........
Thank you all for your support and advice. It helped me greatly.

alorian
04-29-2006, 09:04 PM
It's not a stupid subject.

I agree on pretty much all that's been said. I just want to say:
Don't befriend people for the sake of having friends. I've tried that ::] It's not the best idea, heh. I have a nicely sized circle of "acquaintences" but not many friends. Only those I trust I call friends, and only those that don't tear me down but rather build me up.

Prayer is awesome.

disciple
04-29-2006, 09:07 PM
I've just been myself and not tried to reach out or anything and I've got a handful of awesome friends (Greg, Jon, Scott, Liz, I could keep going) who actually care about me and share ideals with me. That's all it takes in reality, too.

loner_33
04-30-2006, 03:06 PM
The easiest way to make friends is to be yourself--who God wants you be. Just be honest 100% of the time (which, is impossible, but try your hardest). Also, looking from the other perspective, if you were trying to become a friend with me, and I knew exactly what you've told us here, it seems to me that you're not treating me as a friend but as a "friend." Or, to put it more adequately, an aquaintance. Someone to be around just for the sake of having them around, you know what I mean? What's the point of friends if they're for your own entertainment? Being able to hang out with and have fun with your friends is just a plus--one of God's many gifts to his creation. First and foremost is A: spurring one another on toward good deeds, if they are saved, and B: sharing the good news, if they are not. Also, cliche of the day: Look for quality over quantity!

theelectric3
04-30-2006, 04:13 PM
no one should ever stay in an abusive relationship.

do not base God's love for you on how many friends you have. in high school (well... in most of my years of schooling, actually) i didn't have any 'real' friends, really. especially my last two years of high school. did that mean that God didn't love me? no. in fact, God used that time to show me how He is the closest Friend i could ever ask for. i began to develop my relationship with Him more and take it seriously (by spending time with Him and incorporating Him into every part of my life, like you would with any friend). i was still being kind to people (even when they were not kind to me) and resting in Him.

how could i still be kind? well, i wasn't perfect all the time (especially in my thoughts) but God began to show me (as He always does) that people's opinions of me do not define me. not everyone will like me. nothing wrong with that... different personalities, etc.

so am i going to live my life trying to please every single person i meet? (what a draining and depressing life that would be.) or am i going to make God's opinion and thoughts toward me matter most? and let Christ define me?

i chose the latter of the two options. holding bittnerness does nothing but destroy you.

was i lonely during those years of schooling? yes. but school is only a few years of your life. when you get out, the real world greets you and they don't care about your popularity status in high school. it all changes.

in the past few years the Lord has brought some really great friendships across my path. i've learned that i'd rather have a few close friends, whom i can really count on to be there with me and for me, than a bunch of aquaintances whom i don't really know and cannot have deep, edifying conversations with them. having 'friends' just to look good. it's a vain and empty pursuit... and it's using people.

you are not more or less of a person because of a number of friends you have. it's your character, the way you present yourself, your relationship with God, how you treat your family and friends (strangers and enemies) that makes you who you are.

i see this as God's mercy because i believe that He is seperating you (like He did for me) friendships that will harm and hinder you. so He cut the ties away. don't curse this blessing. instead, develop your friendship with Your Father, Creator, Lover, Friend, Savior. hear what He is saying over you. where James' words brought pain and tore down, let God restore you in those areas.

bless those who curse you.
pray for those who dispitefully use you.
(read Matthew 5: 43-48 )

that's a command from God. afterall, that's what He did for us.

and as you do this, you will find God bringing in friendships that will edify you (build you up in your relationship with the Lord). ones who will pray with and for you, keep you accountable... ones whom you can have fun with, and at the same time will not compromise your morals in any way.

pray for James that he will come to know the love of the Father. putting other people down is a sign of someone who is hurting and broken. they pick on others to try to prove to themselves (and whoever else) that they are still worth something.

Jesus came and showed us a better way.

hang in there (stay close to Jesus) and do not be discouraged. Jesus promised to never leave nor abandon us. never means never. He is faithful.

you are not alone. :)

Audio-Slave
04-30-2006, 05:49 PM
Tracy, I see where you're coming from, but I'm still not getting some of what you're saying. First of all, I want friends, not because I want to look good, or because I want someone to entertain me. No, I want friends because I don't wanna be alone, and I want someone to talk to. I hate lonliness, but I have to deal with it everyday, so I'm pretty used to it. I now see, by starting this thread, that there are others in this situation. I just wish I could meet someone at my school who's in the same situation.

Thank you for all your support everyone! :)

as~i~lay~dying
04-30-2006, 06:51 PM
I would give advice but everyone here already said what I would've said! Good stuff guys~ I wil say a prayer for you though~!! =)

theelectric3
04-30-2006, 06:53 PM
Tracy, I see where you're coming from, but I'm still not getting some of what you're saying. First of all, I want friends, not because I want to look good, or because I want someone to entertain me. No, I want friends because I don't wanna be alone, and I want someone to talk to. I hate lonliness, but I have to deal with it everyday, so I'm pretty used to it. I now see, by starting this thread, that there are others in this situation. I just wish I could meet someone at my school who's in the same situation.

Thank you for all your support everyone! :)

i apologize. in no way was i implying that you wanted friends to look cool or anything. wanting and needing friendships is completely normal and human - a basic need in every person on this earth.

i just wanted to encourage you that your momentary lack of friends is not God's way of punishing you, or anything crazy like that.

unshakeable15
04-30-2006, 08:52 PM
There are a lot of good thoughts here. i hope you're taking notes Audio-Slave. ;)

First and foremost is A: spurring one another on toward good deeds, if they are saved, and B: sharing the good news, if they are not.
i respectfully disagree. Even if you are best friends with a non-Christian, you can spur each other on towards good deeds and becoming better people. Being a non-Christian doesn't absolve you from working towards improvement (in the world or self).

Secondly, if the only point to being friends with a non-Christian is to convert them, they will pick up on that and leave the "friendship." Yes, you should share Christ with your friends, but they should be a friend first (they are people, not souls to be won), someone to preach at second (if not further down the list). Besides, if you follow Christ, they should see that in how you live, so trying to convert them will come naturally.

Audio-Slave
05-01-2006, 07:11 PM
I have some good news. I started talking to this person I met, and we're starting to become friends. The only problem is: he sits with James at lunch. But I'll just talk to him during P.E. and after school. Thank you for all your prayers. God blessed me.

Audio-Slave
07-01-2007, 07:23 AM
wow, this topic was started over a year ago.

anyways, I was in my 7th grade year when I started this. My 8th grade graduation was a few weeks ago.

anyways, just so you know, I had lots of friends last year. I was never alone like I was in 7th grade. And I wasn't abused either.

Thank you all for all the advice.
:)

as~i~lay~dying
07-08-2007, 09:35 PM
Good to know ;)

Kaio4Christ
07-10-2007, 08:16 PM
I understand what you are going through.. I never really had "many friends" growing up... don`t worry about James... Forgive and keep going... God said let vengence be his... Pray for him... that God will apear in his life... and I am here for you Audio-Slave... I will be your friend d=-)... I am here for ya just chat wit me if u need someone to talk to...