animeraven34
05-02-2006, 02:33 PM
I have a fiancee (for the time being anyway) who keeps threatening to cut herself every time I tell her I need time to myself to get me to come over, and she keeps making excuses to not get help or talk to anyone; last night, after buying and presenting her with an engagement ring to make it official, she comes at me with all sorts of crap, basically stabbing me in the back and throwing the ring back in my face; today she blamed her parents for it; and I'm not sure if things are going to reconcile this time. And, oh yeah, the only members of my family that I talk to, are all on the west coast for the next two weeks; out the friends that I trust enough to really talk about things with, I can only get ahold of two of them right now. And finally, I'm out of medication, and I can't afford to see a counselor right now, lacking a job and all, so my mood is all over the freakin' place. I guess I'm just asking for prayer.

disciple
05-02-2006, 03:12 PM
You already know I'm praying for you.

not_you
05-02-2006, 05:27 PM
I'll pray for you.

as~i~lay~dying
05-02-2006, 08:58 PM
I will say a prayer, wow! What a tough situation! Stay strong =P

pizza brain
05-02-2006, 09:03 PM
That sucks man I'll definetly pray for you.

animeraven34
05-03-2006, 04:43 AM
...whole lot of good I did last night. After a few hours talking with Shonda, she still went and cut herself.

Things keep getting better and better. ::] I've been up since about 1 a.m. this morning, I feel sick and guilty, and I've got a job interview this morning. Great.

disciple
05-03-2006, 10:44 AM
Ouch...


...ouch...


Well, I've been doing what I can with prayer. It's become important enough for me that I dream about it. Sheesh. ::]

amodman
05-03-2006, 11:48 AM
...whole lot of good I did last night. After a few hours talking with Shonda, she still went and cut herself.

Things keep getting better and better. ::] I've been up since about 1 a.m. this morning, I feel sick and guilty, and I've got a job interview this morning. Great.

Well, I'm sure you want prayer and not advice right now, but you'll get both anyway! Cutting yourself is...cutting yourself is bad. Your fiancee has a serious demonic veil over her eyes right now, and before you can even begin to reconcile your relationship with her your best efforts would best go towards help pulling her out of this pit she's obviously in. She's in trouble spiritually, man, and I'm sure you already knoe these things need to be begun to be healed before you get married :/. I don't know the details of your situation, I don't know what's happening, but it sounds like ths is definitely the point in your relationship where prayer warrior and self-sacrifice to get your fiancee help from God is the only goal that makes sense for you right now. Good luck.

animeraven34
05-04-2006, 07:36 AM
Well, I'm sure you want prayer and not advice right now, but you'll get both anyway! Cutting yourself is...cutting yourself is bad. Your fiancee has a serious demonic veil over her eyes right now, and before you can even begin to reconcile your relationship with her your best efforts would best go towards help pulling her out of this pit she's obviously in. She's in trouble spiritually, man, and I'm sure you already knoe these things need to be begun to be healed before you get married :/. I don't know the details of your situation, I don't know what's happening, but it sounds like ths is definitely the point in your relationship where prayer warrior and self-sacrifice to get your fiancee help from God is the only goal that makes sense for you right now. Good luck.
Thanks.

Demons have little to do with it. Most of this actually does stem from her family right now (just not the crap she was giving me a few nights ago). Her mom has been gossiping about her behind her back, trying to get her older **** of a brother to protect her from me (translation: "get your sorry butt down here from Iowa and kick this little heathens head in!"), and this is her older brother who sexually abused her in childhood >:( , her mother also doens't want me over there because "he eats too much of our food" most of which is practically stolen from the "Christian" school her parents work at (sad thing is that most of the time I eat here at my apartment or Shonda and I go out to eat); and finally her mother told her that unless she or I starts buying food for them then Shonda doesn't deserve to live there.

...and just when I thought things were gonna be going my way for once. ::] Oh well, sacrifice is nothing I'm not used to.

disciple
05-04-2006, 12:08 PM
Yeah, I knew Iowa would fit in there somewhere. ::]

You already know what I think, so I won't repeat it. :P

amodman
05-04-2006, 10:50 PM
Demons have little to do with it.

On the contrary, demons have everything to do with it :/. Her family's problems (which in turn are due to more spiritual problems) are only the trigger. The 'cause' would be the demon whispering in her ear, telling her it's a good idea to cut herself (or whatever it takes). Honestly, cutting is one sure sign of needs help right away! It's the point at which self-inflicted pain begins to seep it's way. Seriously, get a knife, and look at your wrist (or whatever). Think about cutting it. Sure, you might have a desire to cut...there's still a mental and, possibly, spiritual barrier from taking that knife and slicing your own skin and flesh open, and then continuing to do it. Someone doesn't have to be "posessed" to receive demonic input. Just keep it strong (spiritually), and do the best you can for the girl. I doubt there's anything you can do about her family (though they're potentially going to be there forever :-\)...but ya, I'll pray for her/your handling of the situation.

animeraven34
05-05-2006, 06:36 AM
On the contrary, demons have everything to do with it :/. Her family's problems (which in turn are due to more spiritual problems) are only the trigger. The 'cause' would be the demon whispering in her ear, telling her it's a good idea to cut herself (or whatever it takes). Honestly, cutting is one sure sign of needs help right away! It's the point at which self-inflicted pain begins to seep it's way. Seriously, get a knife, and look at your wrist (or whatever). Think about cutting it. Sure, you might have a desire to cut...there's still a mental and, possibly, spiritual barrier from taking that knife and slicing your own skin and flesh open, and then continuing to do it. Someone doesn't have to be "posessed" to receive demonic input. Just keep it strong (spiritually), and do the best you can for the girl. I doubt there's anything you can do about her family (though they're potentially going to be there forever :-\)...but ya, I'll pray for her/your handling of the situation.
Demons aren't always to blame. People can do evil without any demonic influence.

As far as cutting, this is the first time she's done it in more than a year. I don't know what's going to happen in the near future, but I really hope she can find a way to move out of her parents house. Speaking of her family, they can try and stay in our lives forever, but that isn't going to happen. Her neices and nephews will be welcome in our house, but not parents, brothers, and step sisters. And it may sound cold and heartless, but we have already decided that her parents are going to have little (very little) to do with our children. Anyway, I'm ranting and I have a rescheduled job interview I need to get to.

animeraven34
05-07-2006, 07:08 PM
Interview went well. I'm almost broke. ::] Shonda and I are seriously considering eloping.

disciple
05-07-2006, 07:11 PM
Evad -- er, eloping? How would the many best men feel about that? ;)

animeraven34
05-07-2006, 07:34 PM
Evad -- er, eloping? How would the many best men feel about that? ;)
What's all this "many best men" stuff? Yes, I'm sure my four friends I was going to invite will be so mad about it. :P

amodman
05-07-2006, 07:53 PM
The best things in life are worth waiting for :). (whoever came up with that phrase needs to be shot...repeatedly, and then thanked)

disciple
05-07-2006, 07:54 PM
What's all this "many best men" stuff? Yes, I'm sure my four friends I was going to invite will be so mad about it. :P
I know I'm mad!!!11

animeraven34
05-11-2006, 09:45 PM
Well, it's almost a definite now. Shonda and I are planning on eloping. We're going back to the part of the state that both of us came from to visit old friends and my parents, so I'm going to ask my father if he would do the ceremony while we're out there.

animeraven34
05-18-2006, 08:31 PM
Shonda's mother is REALLY pissing me off. She said tonight, and I quote, "I'll be damned if you marry him." AND, her mom has threatened to kick her out of the house if we go to Cornerstone. Wanda is one of these horrible, judgemental, high and mighty, holier than thou, religious Christians that I grew up dealing with. I'm fed up with it. I'm gonna knock her off her high horse after we get back this weekend. Continued prayers would be GREATLY appreciated.

amodman
05-18-2006, 09:54 PM
Shonda's mother is REALLY pissing me off. She said tonight, and I quote, "I'll be damned if you marry him." AND, her mom has threatened to kick her out of the house if we go to Cornerstone. Wanda is one of these horrible, judgemental, high and mighty, holier than thou, religious Christians that I grew up dealing with. I'm fed up with it. I'm gonna knock her off her high horse after we get back this weekend. Continued prayers would be GREATLY appreciated.

Dude you're going to Cornerstone? Lol, sorry, that just jumped out at me. C-Stone is my thing brotha' :azn: (IL one, anyway).

Anyways, I understand your sentiments about her mother, but ya just gotta remember to keep your cool. God doesn't want us flipping out on people unless that's specifically what he wants you to do. Good general rule of thumb is just to not. If God wants this relationship to happen it'll happen, just in his timespan and in his way. Don't do anything he wouldn't want you to do (cheesy, I know, but people ALWAYS seem to be happier in the end when they follow that advice ;)). Keep it strong, peace.

animeraven34
05-18-2006, 10:11 PM
Yeah, we're going to Cornerstone (in Illinois :P), pretty much whether her mother likes it or not. Anyways, I've got a week to calm down, her mom is in Wyoming all next week. The reason I'm so ticked is because her mother keeps putting up this smoke screen/excuse for her verbal abuse against Shonda. ::]

lamb_servant72
05-19-2006, 03:59 PM
Hey, Jon. I've been gone for awhile (again). Were you able to get your meds filled? Any word from the interview?

I would be cautious about making any important decisions if your meds are "off" or irregular right now.

When I pray for you, "perseverance" keeps coming to mind.

animeraven34
05-19-2006, 09:17 PM
Hey, Jon. I've been gone for awhile (again). Were you able to get your meds filled? Any word from the interview?

I would be cautious about making any important decisions if your meds are "off" or irregular right now.

When I pray for you, "perseverance" keeps coming to mind.
Hey. Thanks.

I actually just got something worked out this week dealing with the meds. Shonda's mother "apologized" today...in a note. With the interview, they said it would be two weeks before anything was decided, so I should find out next week one way or another. And I did decided to wait a while, as fed up as I am with Shonda's mother treating her like crap and taking her for granted.

lamb_servant72
05-20-2006, 03:18 AM
Wow! That's a breakthrough considering all of the problems you two have had with her. Was she specific in her apology?

I feel like you have made a wise decision. I know it is hard. Shonda has suffered so much abuse from her own family, and you love her and want to spare her from that as much as possible. Shonda will always remember her wedding day and the emotional status of her family that day. I am going to continue to pray for the relationships involved here. I think it would be wonderful for Shonda (and you, too)if the emotions surrounding that day could be as positive as possible.

animeraven34
05-24-2006, 01:06 PM
Wow! That's a breakthrough considering all of the problems you two have had with her. Was she specific in her apology?
Nope. Don't care right now...rather I'm trying not to care.


Anyway, more news, bad and good. I'm being threatened with eviction because of how messy my bedroom is. ::] My best/oldest friend is coming to visit this weekend, and so is my Dad. So he, Dad, Shonda, and I are all going to the NHRA drag races on Sunday. Be good to forget about everything for a few hours. I got an appointment set up with a counselor for Friday morning; if everything goes well/fast I should have a new perscription for my meds (which I won't have to pay for until I get a job, thanks to Shonda's church...that I've started attending) next week.

Oh, our trip back to western Kansas went.....alright. I had to replace another tire Saturday morning. And on Sunday I discovered that someone SHATTERED one of my headlights. >:( That's $220 I don't have. ::] But I got to see my dog (who was EXCITED to see me), Shonda got to see her friends graduate and visit with some of her old mentors. I got to see my younger sister before she goes back to school (probably the last time for more than a year; she's going to Ireland next year). I also saw my older sister...that was kind of an emotionless meeting.

disciple
05-24-2006, 01:15 PM
It's nice to hear how things have been with you. Oh, how are lives are bittersweet madness. ::]

animeraven34
05-24-2006, 01:24 PM
Yeah. Thankfully I have found a church with a pastor who doesn't rant and rave about religious fallacies and push his own agenda or ideas on his church...and doesn't judge based on appearance.

disciple
05-24-2006, 01:26 PM
Lucky you. :P

lamb_servant72
05-25-2006, 04:33 AM
Anyway, more news, bad and good. I'm being threatened with eviction because of how messy my bedroom is. Do you do a better job on your room when your meds are straight?

My best/oldest friend is coming to visit this weekend, and so is my Dad. So he, Dad, Shonda, and I are all going to the NHRA drag races on Sunday. Be good to forget about everything for a few hours. I agree. It's good you have something to look forward to.

I got an appointment set up with a counselor for Friday morning; if everything goes well/fast I should have a new perscription for my meds (which I won't have to pay for until I get a job, thanks to Shonda's church...that I've started attending) next week. That's a blessing! I'm so glad you have found a church like that!

animeraven34
05-25-2006, 06:58 AM
Do you do a better job on your room when your meds are straight?
Nope. I'm not a neat freak. And I get the feeling the manager is. The really annoying thing about it is, if they still don't like my housekeeping in a week and a half they'll kick me out. ::] I wanted to move out anyway...I just wanted to wait for the end of my lease. :P

lamb_servant72
05-25-2006, 09:06 AM
If you have any desire to try to improve in that area (Shonda might appreciate it, too!;D), The Messies Manual (subtitle: The Procrastinator's Guide to Good Housekeeping) helped me tremendously.

I think some people are born either "Cleanies" or "Messies". It's all about the personality you are born with. Stressful situations (you have a few of those) make bad housekeepers even worse!

animeraven34
05-25-2006, 07:51 PM
So...my friend ISN'T coming after all. ::] And my cellphone died sometime last weekend. So Washburn could have been trying to call me all week and I wouldn't know it.

lamb_servant72
05-26-2006, 02:29 AM
Argh! Does he have an alternate number?

animeraven34
06-06-2006, 07:27 PM
No point in calling now. They found somebody else. ::] I really, REALLY need a source of income right now. My lease is about half up, and if I'm gonna change apartment complexes, I need to get one months rent and a desposit saved up first. AND I'll be needing a better vehicle soon (my old Grand Am is getting ready to crap out on me and my truck isn't drivable yet). AND I've still got some school loans and crap to pay off. AND I don't want to be a burden on my parents, Shonda, or my church. AND I'm gonna have to start paying for counseling and medication again... ::] Yeah, I need a job. Pray, please.

disciple
06-06-2006, 07:29 PM
You know I am. :P

weebird20
06-07-2006, 01:09 AM
yip indeedy Jon

animeraven34
06-11-2006, 12:54 PM
The long and short of it: I'd rather not be living right now.

lamb_servant72
06-11-2006, 04:11 PM
What's going on, Jon?

animeraven34
06-11-2006, 05:08 PM
I'm having the month from hell. I've been on my longest streak of depression since high school, going on a month solid now. Shonda's been giving me crap lately too. ::] My spiritual life is in shambles; everything I try blows up in my face; I've been looking for a steady job for SEVEN years now; Shonda's parents practically despise me and aren't really making much of an effort to hide it anymore; I can't talk with Shonda right now because a lot of what I'm dealing with revolves around or comes from her, and that's got her all worried; it's nearly impossible for me to talk with people face to face; my car is seriously screwed up, mom and dad are taking their sweet time getting my truck's title sorted out, so if my grand am breaks down I'm screwed; I FINALLY got an appointment with someone who can get me back on medication, but their earliest opening was at the end of month; there's all kinds of crap going on with my band right now, and I'm not even sure I want to continue with the band, as I don't agree with the philosophy of approaching complete strangers and going "Hey you! Believe this or go to hell!" (which is yet another thing causing a rift between Shonda and I); I didn't go with Shonda and her parents to a movie last night because I was getting sick, and they all took exception to that; this morning I was not only in a horrible mood, I was still sick, so I missed the bands two shows at church this morning which put me in a worse mood; when Shonda got back home she got ahold of me to tell me when we had to leave for the one tonight, and I don't know how it happened but we ended up fighting and she ended up lecturing me about how I would let the band down by not going tonight and how my depression is my own fault and no one elses and then tried forcing me to go tonight (bad idea, I take great offense when people try and force me to do things and refuse to do it, yes, I'm a stubborn little jerk), she ended up REALLY pissing me off. Shall I keep going? My knees have been aching and hurting like hell off and on the last two weeks. Shonda told me I should be focusing on what I have that's good, like my family, my dog, and her. My family has been, reluctant let's call it, to help me out at all the last month and a half. My dog is back in Lakin (six hours away), and my parents are trying to find a good home for him (in other words they're giving him away). As for Shonda, we've been having small fights almost everyday for a while now; sometimes I feel like she's not letting me be myself, or that she's smothering me; and, honestly, it seems like everytime I try and deal with everything that's going on, she makes it all about her. Besides, when I do focus on what I have that's good, the world comes along and craps all over it. And I know there is even more grief coming my way when Shonda gets home. I've been trying to deal with all this the best I can, but it's like everytime I try and get some time to myself Shonda gets depressed again and threatens to cut herself. On top of all this, I'm surrounded by people who haven't been through half of what I have and they prosper, etc., etc., but then they turn around and complain and whine and ***** about the stupidest things and criticize me and others like me.

I feel like someone else has got control of me and is making me do all this stuff to ruin my life and make myself look like a fool. I know I'm intelligent, but I end up feeling like an idiot because I can't get think straight, there's too much chaos in my head.

animeraven34
06-12-2006, 09:40 PM
I forgot to mention that my mood has been ALL OVER the place lately. Rapid mood changes, raging manias, crashing, horrible depressions when I come down (like yesterday). And music, which has always helped, hasn't even been able to help me concentrate or think straight.

Maddog
06-13-2006, 05:14 AM
break up with her. She is too emotionally unstable. you are hurting her and you by staying with her. Now if u really want to marry her like its like life and death with you. Then tell her she either gets help or yall are not getting married. Dont marry her for another 3 years, Tell her its only cause u love her that u want her to be better. And flippin go with her to consuling so she can see ur supporting her. Remeber ur marrying the FAMILY not just her. So basically if the fam despises u now...well its gunna get worse. Imagine the family runions :-O

theelectric3
06-13-2006, 12:22 PM
madd gave some great practical advice.

dawn of light
06-13-2006, 01:18 PM
I have to agree as well. As far as I'm concerned the only reason to marry someone is because your life is better with them than without them. A spouse should help you grow closer to God and should help you do more for God than you could do on your own.

But I realize that it's nearly impossible to break up with someone that you're in love with. Just think about the long run and what you really want in your life.

disciple
06-13-2006, 02:08 PM
I doubt much of anyone is gonna disagree with them here, Jon.


[/Captain Obvious STIKES AGAIN!!]

animeraven34
06-13-2006, 08:12 PM
First of all: NO! I'm not gonna break up with her. Quite frankly, I'd be more worried if Shonda didn't have problems. Second: she's not the only one with problems. I've got plenty of my own that she has to put up with. Third: If she claimed to be trying to work on her problems, but wasn't making any progress, I would dump her. I didn't dive into this relationship with no idea of what was to come. I didn't dive into it expecting to be married by the end of the year.

And for your information, she gave me the space I needed Sunday, apologized, and we worked things out when she got home. If that isn't a marked improvement over the last time, I don't know what is.

theelectric3
06-13-2006, 10:10 PM
please don't be offended by the advice. remember, we only know this situation based on what you share with us (and it's sounded like you were very depressed with it all at times)... we are trying to help but understand that we don't know all the details involved (nor is it our right to know everything in your personal life... so please don't take what i am saying in that light). we acknowledge that it takes two people to make a relationship work and the no one is perfect.

please don't lash out at people taking time to help and give advice from their perspective, based on what they read on an online message board.

drumchick101
06-14-2006, 09:30 AM
I doubt much of anyone is gonna disagree with them here, Jon.


[/Captain Obvious STIKES AGAIN!!]

Ha ha, actually...(I usually mess things up ;)) I don't think you should break up with her. There has to be a good reason you plan on marrying her. I say you pray about the whole sitation. Ask God to show you what's going on. Sometimes there's a time to push through everything because it's warefare from the enemy, but sometimes it's the Holy Spirit trying to warn you that you are making a huge mistake. Just ask God to be your ultimate guide...don't listen to us, listen to Him first and foremost.

><sarah><

disciple
06-14-2006, 09:35 AM
:o *g4zpz0rzez*


*faints*


Someone disagreed! :o


Sorry, had to. >.>



Anyways, that wasn't lashing out. I've seen... er... read him lash out before, and that was only him holding up his end of the argument.

animeraven34
06-14-2006, 10:10 AM
Ha ha, actually...(I usually mess things up ;)) I don't think you should break up with her. There has to be a good reason you plan on marrying her. I say you pray about the whole sitation. Ask God to show you what's going on. Sometimes there's a time to push through everything because it's warefare from the enemy, but sometimes it's the Holy Spirit trying to warn you that you are making a huge mistake. Just ask God to be your ultimate guide...don't listen to us, listen to Him first and foremost.

><sarah><
Thank you! That helps more than 'dump the broad'. I didn't start posting all this to get advice, I posted all this cause I wanted people to pray for Shonda and I. For the record, that wasn't me lashing out; if I had lashed out I would probably have been banned from the boards. I didn't mean to offend anyone, I was trying to get out some frustration. I've been hearing the same thing over and over from people I don't know that well and from some of my best friends. 'Dump her'. Why? Because she wants to die sometimes? So do I. Why aren't people telling her to dump me? Anyway, if anyone did get ticked off, annoyed, or whatever, sorry.

Is it really so much for me to ask for one day where I can sleep the whole night through, not feel like a huge piece of crap, not tick anyone off, not snap at total strangers, or lose complete control of my thoughts? ::]

disciple
06-14-2006, 10:28 AM
Yeah, I know the feeling all too well.

Why aren't people telling her to dump me?
You mean besides her parents' "Silent thoughts"?

dawn of light
06-14-2006, 10:36 AM
Is it really so much for me to ask for one day where I can sleep the whole night through, not feel like a huge piece of crap, not tick anyone off, not snap at total strangers, or lose complete control of my thoughts? ::]

No that's not too much to ask.

I'm glad somebody could give you some advice that helped/made you feel better even if it wasn't me.

Whatever you decide to do (stay with her I assume) I wish you two all the best.

theelectric3
06-14-2006, 03:20 PM
it's up to us as to whether or not we will be controlled by our emotions and circumstances, or whether we will take control. (Romans 12:2)

David shows us how we can do this:

Bless the Lord, O my soul [mind, will and emotions0;
And all that is within me, bless His holy Name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits [refer to Ps. 68:19-20]:
Who forgives all your inquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercird
Who satisfies your mouth with good things...
Ps. 103


instead of letting our other people, emotions and circumstances rule our lives... let's let the Lord lead them. How? by offering a continual sacrifice of praise. instead of giving into depression or worry, begin to thank God for all that He has done for you.

He gives your every breath, He gives you every ounce of intellect, you can walk, you can see, you can hear... there is so much that He has done for us!

so yes, we are all able to sleep the whole night through, in His peace, regardless of what's happening. the more i do this, the more i am reminded how true and faithful God's word is.

animeraven34
06-15-2006, 10:53 AM
Ok, let's take a look at what God's given me. I can walk, barely; I severly tore a muscle in my leg several years ago and I'm still recovering, and my knees are pretty much trashed, half the time it hurts to walk. I can hear, very, very well, got better ears than anyone I know; but no one believes me and just assumes I'm lying about that. I have a great intellect, that, most of the time, I can't put to use; I'm either too depressed or so manic I can't keep my mind on anything for more than a few seconds (it takes me forever to write out long posts like this ::]). I have a wonderful despite her problems fiancee; and her family despises me for no reason. I keep going further and further into debt because I've been relying on God to get me a job; look how well that's gone. ::] I've got a mostly clueless family of my own, and it seems like everytime I talk to Mom I hear about what I'm doing wrong and what I should be doing. I've got a couple of really good/close friends, who talk to me once every 2,3,4,5, or even 11 months. I have talent in both writing and music, and everytime I try to use them, I get ignored. Starting to understand why I hated God for so long? Every good thing that comes into my life (which is a very thing), some sort of crap always follows. People in high school finally started respecting me for my intelligence and my talents, and two of my friends kill themselves within a few months of each other. It's easy for people to tell me to not let my emotions control me or to let depression get the best of me; but very few people have been in my shoes. Don't get me wrong though, I don't resent anyone(at least I don't when I'm thinking straight). *sigh* Why am I even saying any of this? If you all just wanna think me a huge jerk, then go ahead. I think I'm done trying to explain.

theelectric3
06-15-2006, 02:09 PM
I have a wonderful despite her problems fiancee; and her family despises me for no reason.
more often than not, people have a reason as to why they form opinions (whether they be right or wrong, there is a reason). and if they are in any way protective of their baby girl (your fiancÚ), then you can sure believe they have a reason.

I keep going further and further into debt because I've been relying on God to get me a job; look how well that's gone.

define "relying"...i believe too often we blame God for things we are doing, or not doing.

I have talent in both writing and music, and everytime I try to use them, I get ignored.

so you keep using them and being faithful to develop the gifts that God has given you. if you give up because people aren't paying attention - don't blame God. gifts need time to develop - it is our job to cultivate those gifts.

i play guitar, bass, sing and write music. does that mean i am an accomplished musician making tons of money? no. you discover quickly that there are only two kinds of musicians - rich and poor. what seperates the rich from poor? endurance. passion - a joy for what they do.

keeping writing, keep creating music on the side (i wouldn't advise it to be your job right now, as it takes time for money to come in because of it) and see what happens.

you're breathing. you woke up to another beautiful day. both are gifts from God. whether they day is sunny or cloudy, they are gifts from God. to you. :)


and no, i don't think you are a huge jerk, in fact... i'm not even upset by what you've written (i hope my repsonses do not offend you). afterall, what you wrote are your feelings, your opinions and your outlook on life. and i chose to respect that, even though i do not personally agree with your outlook.

look at Job in the Bible, all the crap he endured and he never once complained to God. Job did not curse God for his own mistakes.

i just don't want you to give up on life as a hopeless, pathetic and depressing event. Jesus came to give us life.

animeraven34
06-15-2006, 03:37 PM
I don't offend easily, I just get frustrated.

When I say rely, I mean I apply all over the place, check back with them later, don't worry about it, pray, and hope God gets me through the interviews (which I suck at).

I don't care if my music takes me anywhere. I suppose you're right.

My outlook is changing, slowly, but it's changing.

And giving up is also not something I do easily.

drumchick101
06-15-2006, 04:44 PM
All that I have to add is that even Job was blessed beyond what he had before he had lost everything. Sometimes it's darkest before the dawn.

><sarah><

disciple
06-15-2006, 08:51 PM
I don't offend easily, I just get frustrated.

And giving up, is also not something I do easily.
Yeah, we're the same there. We're both pretty stubborn. ::]

animeraven34
06-17-2006, 09:51 PM
"They tell me blood is thicker than water. But I don't know about that, I've been stabbed in the back."

:-\ I honestly don't know what to do anymore folks. My parents are pretty much gonna pull the financial support they agreed to give me, on the grounds that any job that would have come up SHOULD have come to me by now and they want me to "come home". Sad isn't it? I've never felt at home with my own family. ::] Anyway, yeah, I'm more than a little pissed off and disappointed. Things FINALLY start looking up, and my parents are trying to sabotage it. I don't know what the hell they're thinking. I filled them in on what's been going on and they call me and tell me to come home. ??? I knew this was going to be hard, so did my parents...do they think I'm just gonna come running home when things get rough? The home that was never really there for me to begin with? :-\ Especially now that I've found people at church like I NEVER, NEVER found ANYWHERE back home? Now that I've just gotten a lead on a job that would pay $10/hr and allow me to work with those people from the church? What the heck do I do? Tell my parents to piss off? Tell them to either be there for me or not and stop flip flopping on me? Pretty sad when your friends are more reliable than your parents. ...you know what? I don't even care about my parents right now. Whether they like it or not, God wants me up here.

Just one more thing. I find this talk of Job ironic. Job is my favorite book of the Bible. I used to use it to fight my depression...but somewhere along the line things got the better of me. I've never cursed God, but I did spend years almost hating Him. God has done amazing things for me (like dulling every knife, razor blade, and sharp object in my house on the night I was bound and determined to kill myself), I keep losing track of that. One of these days I'll learn.

disciple
06-18-2006, 09:57 AM
Yeah, when you're stubborn, it usually takes a long time to learn. This, we know well.

lamb_servant72
06-19-2006, 03:47 PM
Now that I've just gotten a lead on a job that would pay $10/hr and allow me to work with those people from the church? What the heck do I do?


Have you told your parents about this?

animeraven34
06-19-2006, 07:34 PM
Have you told your parents about this?
As a matter of fact I did. During the same conversation. Mom's sentiment didn't change.

packmule3
06-21-2006, 05:58 AM
I challenge you to ask you parents to pray for you the next time you talk to them. It might help them realize that you understand you are in need of help and don't like you current situation.

animeraven34
09-10-2006, 04:19 PM
I am half a step away from driving over to my fiancee's house and beating the crap out of her step-dad. Lazy, selfish bastard. He's kicking her out of the house because she's being herself. He keeps stomping around the house and glaring at her for no reason. And he's taking the car that they bought for her back. Where does this prick get off? >:( Sometimes I think her mom and idiot...I mean step-dad, are jealous of her. It's ridiculous. If Shon or I have to take any more crap from that selfish, lazy, vegetarian, blatanly hypocritical, pathetic excuse for a Christian... >:(

I've been sick for three weeks because of the medication I got put on by a doctor who didn't bother telling me the side effects. I've been suffering from SEVEN of the rare and severe side effects, and more of the less severe. I owe my apartments almost $800. Why? Damned if I know. No one will tell me. It's September, approaching my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. All very stressful times for me. September because my grandmother had a massive heart attack right in front of me after we had a big argument, she went to the hospital and I never saw her again. My birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas because my sisters are both selfish and spoiled and have always ruined them for me; even more stressful this year because of Shon's "family" who, get this, will be pissed off at us if we don't spend the holidays with them.

Is it anyway wonder I'm ticked off?

DustinRocks
09-11-2006, 05:04 PM
With all this going maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship right now. It seems to create only more worries for you. Also in a relationship you have to be strong for each other. "Love" isn't always going to get you buy and from what you have said in previous post it doesn't seem like either of you is strong enough to even take care of yourselves. So maybe taking time apart caring for yourselves could help alot of things. Your fiance has alot of her own home issues to work out. She probably needs to work those out out herself. Not to be a jerk but you aren't married yet and they aren't your issues to deal with.

Maybe just moving in with your folks and finding steady work and really letting God heal you and work on your depresion. I had to move back home once. Didn't suck too bad. I was able to save up money and not overwork myself trying to make the bills for the month.

One mans opinion

animeraven34
09-11-2006, 06:49 PM
Technically they are my problems, because we are getting married. I'm not gonna turn my back on her just because we're both going through crap right now; I don't know what school you come from, but that's just part of what I know to be love.

You've clearly misjudged me if you don't think I'm strong enough to take care of myself. I was just venting, clearing my mind so I could think. I've already suggested things for Shon to do, and I'm helping her find an apartment...and a new car...and plan our wedding...and I'm looking for work for myself...and helping out Shon and the band anyway I can.

Going back home would be the worst thing I could do; a three hundred mile step backwards. I come from a small town in western Kansas. A town where I spent most of my life. A town where I was the victim of an undeserved and unearned reputation. I spent 7 years there looking for work. Nothing came up. Going back is a dead end.

Compared to certain times in my past, this is heaven. I'm getting married in March to a great, smart, REAL Christian woman who accepts ME, who loves ME, and who supports me. I have a couple of people in my life that I can actually look up to and respect. I have people I can lean on when the crap hits the fan. God's calling me to something great. I appreciate the fact that you're trying to help, I'm grateful, and I'm trying not to be rude or anything. Last night I just needed to blow off some steam; can't say I'm proud of how I did it and the language and tone I used though.

dawn of light
09-12-2006, 04:51 PM
Technically they are my problems, because we are getting married. I'm not gonna turn my back on her just because we're both going through crap right now; I don't know what school you come from, but that's just part of what I know to be love.
I think it's a good thing to stand by her side when she needs you the most. The wonderful happy "feelings" of love aren't always going to be there during marriage and it's good that you're learning how to love her when times get hard.

DustinRocks
09-15-2006, 09:48 PM
Ok Man. It just seemed worse than it was maybe. I hoped i didnt look like a tool. Be praying for you man.

animeraven34
09-16-2006, 07:17 PM
Ok Man. It just seemed worse than it was maybe. I hoped i didnt look like a tool. Be praying for you man.
You didn't. I can't fault you when you don't know. Thanks.

With how things are looking now, it's probably for the best that Shon get out of that house; I'm just not happy about the circumstances. Anyway, Shon and I went and looked at apartments this morning; we found one (a HUGE one bedroom) that she's going to go for come monday. Then I'll be moving in with her in March, or December, whenever we get married.

lamb_servant72
09-17-2006, 09:11 AM
You sound better. Is Shonda excited about getting an apartment? What's going on with the job situation?

animeraven34
09-17-2006, 06:02 PM
Shon's really excited about getting an apartment. I'm still without a steady source of income, but I'm still looking. With the exception of Shon's step-father being a huge jerk, things are looking up; I've been saving up for and I'm buying/building a (badly needed) new computer, things with the band are going good (albeit slow), my car's been fixed, and with winter coming up I should at least be able to get seasonal work somewhere. Shon and I are actually thinking of just getting married, no ceremony, nothing like that; just a private service with our pastor and two witnesses. Mostly because of her family, Shon and I don't feel comfortable with doing a ceremony; her family would cause too many headaches and too many problems.

lamb_servant72
09-28-2006, 04:07 PM
How are things going, Jon?

animeraven34
10-01-2006, 11:31 PM
How are things going, Jon?
In a word: bad. From a psychological view point, Shonda's mother is exacting her revenge on her ex-husband for cheating/leaving by taking it out on her own children, subconciously. Why do I say this? Because she treats her step-children, her GROWN-UP step children with families of their own, BETTER than she treats her own kids, Shonda in particular. From a more...Christian point of view, Shonda's mother is being...well, she's being a Pharisee. She's selfish, whiny, bossy, pushy, and does little to nothing to help other people; yet she carries herself like she's some uber-Christian. Saturday night she was being particularly rude and selfish, and she knew it! She actually got pissed off at Shonda for asking her to DO HER OWN LAUNDRY, which had been sitting in the washer all day, so Shon could do hers. ::] It's both pathetic and infuriating to see a 60 year old woman act like a 6 year old brat. I could NOT stay in the house; I was about to explode with rage. So I took my iPod and went out on the porch to cool off. Fifteen minutes later, Shon comes outside, sits down across from me, and buries her head into my shoulder and starts bawling. Her mother thought it aapropriate to not only rip into Shonda, since I was not present, but also to rip into me. I didn't go back into that house at all that night; I stayed on the porch and listened to music. Had I gone back in, the end result would have involved the police; I thought it best to stay outside. And I haven't said a word to them since then. I could keep going and going about her parents, but I'm not going to.

The night before, while not as bad as saturday, was still stressful; we won't get into that.

I am STILL without a job, and without my car. The body shop has had it for almost two months now...

I've been sick for the last two months. Cracked a rib, although I'm beginning to think it's broken, about a month ago. It still hurts like hell.

But I do come with some good news this time. I'm going back to school next fall. I'm going to start studying to be a pastor. Shonda and I set a wedding date of Dec. 17th, and our Pastor agreed to do a private service for us. My parents are going to let us use one of their cars, and it gets 40 MPG; useful when I'm going to be commuting 90 miles each day for college next fall.

animeraven34
10-21-2006, 07:47 PM
YAY! Shonda told her folks about us getting married in December, they were mad, but they got over it quick and...Shon and I ARE getting married December 17th AND our parents are going to get to see it. I'm getting baptised October 30th, and my parents are going to come up here and see it. And, one more good thing :P, I might have a job by the end of this upcoming week.

lamb_servant72
10-23-2006, 03:07 AM
Wow! It sounds like everything is falling into place, Jon. I am so happy for both of you. I will continue to pray.

animeraven34
10-23-2006, 06:46 AM
Thanks. It is starting to seem like things are falling into place.

I made a little typo earlier...I'm getting baptised on the 29th. And the job seems very unlikely right now. I'd need a car, and my car is screwed up...really screwed up. The oil and coolant are mixing, MAJOR problem. And one that has happened with this car before. Anyway, my car is basically dead and headed for the junkyard. ::]

animeraven34
10-24-2006, 06:47 AM
Ugh! Sometimes I hate being right. ::] My car is dead...I liked that car, oh well. I might be getting a new car this week, which means I might be getting a job the week after.


Grr! I need advice! Like I said earlier, my car is dead, but now it's official that I'm getting a new one. I have my eye on two. First is a 1992 Dodge Stealth, basically a Mitsubishi 3000GT in disguise. 220+ horsepower V6, Dual Over Head Cams, 24 Valves, possibly all wheel drive, 147,000 miles but in GREAT shape. A few problems, but the owner was very honest about them all, said he'd sell it to me for $1,800 (he could easily get more than 3 grand for it, even with the problems). He popped the hood right away and showed us the engine and the engine compartment. I asked him if I could have a mechanic check it over, he said no problem.

The second car is a 1998 Chevy Malibu. I DID NOT like the owner. He came out flashing a big grin, a big fake diamond earring, wearing pajama pants and a heavy winter coat. He didn't pop the hood, show us the interior, or anything. He told us about the HUGE paint scratches and the dents on the car, claiming they were caused by his psycho ex-girlfriend...which was also his reason for selling it. :-\ What he didn't mention was the paint oxidizing in several places. He said he had a parts car "in back" to replace the dented driver side panel...then later said he had a dent popper and he could pop out that very same dent.

I don't trust the guy selling the Malibu, and I'd rather get the Stealth; it's in better shape, and it's cheaper. But Shon wants me to get the Malibu, saying it's more practical and that I need to think more about the two of us and get what would be best for the both of us. Am I just supposed to come right and tell her I think the Malibu might be stolen? Do I reason with her and explain why I don't want it? Do I try and report the Malibu owner to the police?

pizza brain
10-24-2006, 07:38 PM
If you think it's stollen report the dude. I'll be praying for you.

planet_kosmos
10-24-2006, 11:15 PM
Tell Shon you think it might be stolen, report it like ^ said and i'll pray for you.

dawn of light
10-25-2006, 05:56 AM
Coming from a female point of view, I can understand why Shonda would want the "practical" car. But I'm sure she'll understand if you think it's stolen. If it's possible I'd suggest finding another car that you both like, not stolen, nice owner, and one that's practical enough for Shonda.

If however, you live in such a small town that only two people are selling cars within your price range, I'd say go for the Stealth. Buying a car from someone you don't trust is never a good idea.

animeraven34
10-25-2006, 08:36 PM
Today was not exactly a good day, I'll leave it at that.

The Malibu...hmm...I wouldn't take that thing if the owner paid me. I get the feeling that, if it's not stolen, it's been used for illegal activity. Beyond that, the guy trying to sell it was no where near honest about the condition of the car. Shon and I both decided that the Stealth would be the best bet right now...unless something else comes up in the next day or two.

On a little side note, I said the owner of the Stealth could get 3,000 for it easily...I looked up the blue book value, and he could actually get 5,000 for it, even with the few problems it has.

lamb_servant72
10-26-2006, 02:45 AM
Wow. It sounds like an answer to prayer to be able to get a 5 g car for 18.

If the Malibu is still being considered, I'd get them both checked out by a mecanic before making a decision.

animeraven34
10-28-2006, 07:26 PM
Ugh! The Stealth was a lemon, neither I or the owner knew it until my mechanic looked it over. I told the owner, he refused to go down on price, so I passed on the car. It would have cost almost 5 grand just to fix it. ::]

My parents came up this morning, here to see me get baptized on Sunday, and we stopped by a little car lot that the mechanic recommended. We ended up leaving the lot with a car. A '93 Honda Accord coupe; reconditioned by mechanics who work for this dealer, when they aren't working at the local Honda dealership. This car IS in great shape, and worth more than we paid.

In a week that has been up and down and up and down...the trend continues. My dog, that I had to leave at home with my folks, has gone missing, along with my parents dog. :-\

lamb_servant72
10-29-2006, 01:48 AM
I pray the dogs will find their way back.

Good car choice. I had a Honda that I drove until it had over 380,000 miles on it!

animeraven34
10-31-2006, 06:52 AM
Yeah, I was shocked at the condition of this Accord; if it weren't for a few minor things, it would be like new. Anyway, I found out this morning what's wrong with my Grand Am...the head is cracked. ::] So basically Shon and I are going to keep driving my Accord and my parents Volvo, but my folks need the Volvo back and Sho and I are going to need another car.

Oh. I got baptized this past Sunday. All I have to say is, since then, things haven't seemed so bad.

lamb_servant72
10-31-2006, 11:43 AM
That is a great testimony.

I'll keep praying about the car situation.

animeraven34
11-02-2006, 04:31 PM
Ok...tough decision time. Shonda and I MIGHT be moving to Wyoming. Why? Jobs. Wyoming has a major surplus of jobs right now; there are more jobs than people. Shon and I might decide to apply for some jobs out there. We're talking like $10-13 an hour to start, full benefits (Medical, Rx, Dental, Optical, paid holidays, paid vacations, 401(k), etc.) for your entire family, tuition reimbursement, etc. Better than anything I've even seen listed here in Kansas. Thing is, there is a LOT going on here; I finally found a church that I like, Shon and are involved in a ministry, and we have our band to think about (one member just left, under...less than civil circumstances, and we decided to try and get a record deal), not to mention our GREAT friends here (one of them is actually going to Wichita with us soon to get tattoos :P). And I have to think about my writing and my music away from the band...plus the fact that I'm planning on going back to college next fall to become a pastor. Basically, we need guidance, badly. There ARE temporary jobs available too, but I'd prefer something more permanent. So, any prayer would be greatly welcomed and appreciated.

animeraven34
11-26-2006, 07:36 PM
Screw Wyoming. :P I have a job here now...might be getting a second too. I'm happy right now. ;D I just got a nice piano...absolutely free. :o A long time Christian "club" is shutting it's doors this week, and they were giving away their old piano to whoever wanted to haul it off...enter me. :P I was able to purchase another guitar, bringing the total to three (1 acoustic, 2 electric). The band that Shon is in, and that I do sound for, is considering investing in some recording equipment. The band leader isn't too keen on the idea of having to swallow all the expense by himself, so I might approach him about helping me buy the equipment, as it would benefit us both. Shon's brother was in town for Thanksgiving. The brother that...well, anyway, I was able to forgive him for what he did to her. And it seems set in stone now that I will be going back to college next fall with a double major: Pastoral Studies and Music. To sum up: I feel blessed right now, and I don't have a single thing worrying me anymore. ;D

pizza brain
11-27-2006, 08:03 AM
That's awesome dude :afro:

animeraven34
12-20-2006, 04:14 PM
Ok...Shon and I are married now, I got moved out of that crappy neighborhood, and my car died...for good this time. Threw a rod through the crank case, needs a new engine...only $3200. ::] It's dead and gone. Shon and I are going to my parents for Christmas, and I'm starting at one of three jobs in the next two weeks.

dawn of light
12-20-2006, 06:48 PM
Congratulations on your marriage!

lamb_servant72
12-20-2006, 11:20 PM
Congratulations, Jon!

When you say one of three, does that mean you are choosing one of three jobs?

weebird20
12-21-2006, 10:22 AM
yes congratulations Jon :D God's blessing on both you and Shona!

animeraven34
12-21-2006, 04:53 PM
Congratulations, Jon!

When you say one of three, does that mean you are choosing one of three jobs?
It means I HAVE one job, if the other two don't pan out.

And thanks all.