Superfly
05-03-2006, 08:02 PM
I'm not that good at putting my thoughts into words, but I'll do my best:

I just found out tonight that my girlfriend (who I was hoping to spend the rest of my life with) has cheated on me and slept with someone she works with. I know that I am supposed to forgive, which I have done, but what do I do now? Should I move on and try to build another relationship, or should I try to repair this one. We have been dating for 2 1/2 years and known each other for a year longer and I was hoping to take our relationship to the next level very soon, but now I'm not so sure. I have already forgiven both people, but I don't know wheter I should take my girlfriend back or move on. Does anyone have any Scriptural input?

In Christ,
Braden

aliengurl7
05-03-2006, 08:19 PM
Once a cheater always a cheater. This is why I say that I know someone who had a adulterous husband. She caught him once he said he was sorry but he ended up doing it again and now their divorce. I suggest you take some time to think about this, is it worth repairing? I think you should dump her but its up to you.

terrasin
05-03-2006, 11:38 PM
Quite personally, that would be a hard decision. A great deal of trust has been lost and it would take quite a long time to build that back up again. Second, if this girl is sleeping with someone, chances are it's not a relationship that would be healthy for you. This is one of those things I see as "forgive but not forget" situations. You can forgive someone for their actions against you, but you are under no obligation to remain in a relationship, friends, or even speak with the person if that would be what you choose.

I guess what it comes down to what it's worth to you. Obviously she didn't have the same intentions as you to spend her life with you.

CJ

skynes
05-04-2006, 12:45 AM
In the book of Hosea, God commanded Hosea to marry a prostitute. It represented God's love for Israel.

Again and again The prostitute cheated on Hosea, just as Israel again and again cheated on God with other false gods.


Pray about it. I know that's obvious, but really pray for God's Will. I've seen relationships go both ways.


I will say that the trust you had in her will never be the same again. And probably will never be a full trust.

sky_flashings
05-04-2006, 10:38 AM
One thing I think you should consider is that your girlfriend set aside her feelings for you, and your feelings with her, to sleep with this other man. I have trouble seeing how people could love someone they're with and then put it at risk by sleeping with someone else. It would cause so much hurt and pain to the other person, so why would someone wish that for someone they loved simply because they wanted to sleep with another person? The way I see it is that if you are ok with the fact that she set aside the love in your relationship for bedsport with another guy, then by all means get back with her. But honestly, the fact that she was willing to just toss things aside like that indicates that she either doesn't really feel as much for you as you thought, or she has some issues she needs to deal with.

disciple
05-04-2006, 12:10 PM
I agree with CJ and the Buginator.

One thing I think you should consider is that your girlfriend set aside her feelings for you, and your feelings with her, to sleep with this other man. I have trouble seeing how people could love someone they're with and then put it at risk by sleeping with someone else. It would cause so much hurt and pain to the other person, so why would someone wish that for someone they loved simply because they wanted to sleep with another person? The way I see it is that if you are ok with the fact that she set aside the love in your relationship for bedsport with another guy, then by all means get back with her. But honestly, the fact that she was willing to just toss things aside like that indicates that she either doesn't really feel as much for you as you thought, or she has some issues she needs to deal with.
That's really what I was thinking when I read this last night, I just couldn't put it int words. Those words exactly.

NightCrawler
05-04-2006, 06:01 PM
Perhaps she is impulsive and doesn't think about future consequences readily? If that is the case, she needs to mature and change her personality/tendencies.

_S_P? -- MBTI

unshakeable15
05-04-2006, 09:40 PM
i side with Skynes; it can really go both ways depending on how you two deal with it. How do you feel God is pressing you to go? He will lead you either way, but one will reveal his character in a more full design.

The first step would be, again, as Skynes said, to pray. Talk to God, get things out with him and ask him for guidance. Second step would be to talk to your girlfriend to talk things out. Find out why she did it. What she was thinking? How she sees your relationship and if it matches up with how you see it. Are you both willing to work through some very hard times to make it work?

i just gave you more questions than you asked, and i apologize for that, but i think answering them will be very helpful.

Superfly
05-06-2006, 08:35 AM
Thanks everyone for your input and prayers. For now we have both decided to spend some time apart, and what happens from there is in God's hands. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to trust her again which is what makes this so hard because we have almost four years invested into building that trust and friendship. But for right now I'm pretty much staying away from any romantic relationships with her or anyone else for that matter. There's so much more I want to say but I don't have the words to say it. Thanks again.

In Christ,
Braden

skilletosis
05-13-2006, 08:04 PM
Superfly all I can say is thank God this happened now before you got married. Now you know that she does not see you as the one to spend her life with. I know it's a hard thing to face but truelly if it was going to happen better now than 10 years and a couple of children later. I think it's time for you to move on.

as~i~lay~dying
05-16-2006, 07:55 PM
What you have decided sounds really smart ... Things will work our, you have God on your side! I will say a prayer for ya though!! =)

somasoul
05-20-2006, 05:35 PM
I've always thought that guys can cheat on people they love. They may do it because their wives are older and less attractive (sorry ladies) or their wives have become old nags. Never-the-less the men still love their wives but they want a little action on the side.

Women seem to be a different case. If a woman cheats on you it's because she's not in love. Emotionally you're not giving her all she wants and she feels dis-connected. If your relationship has been going on the 2+ years and your relationship is less than stellar I'd seriously consider moving on.

One more thing:

If you stick your relationship out and she cheats again you'll feel like an idiot for trusting her again. Breaking it off now, on your terms, will be easier.

You're young and have the chance to meet other hotties. So go out and meet 'em! Don't hang onto this gal who trashed you! You ain't got kids holdin' you back from makin' this decision. You don't need a divorce to break this thang off. Get out now before you have more than 2 years invested. The more I think about it the more my gut says "Get out."

You have nearly nothing to lose and plenty to gain by leaving this girl.

aliengurl7
05-20-2006, 10:22 PM
I've always thought that guys can cheat on people they love. They may do it because their wives are older and less attractive (sorry ladies) or their wives have become old nags. Never-the-less the men still love their wives but they want a little action on the side.

Women seem to be a different case. If a woman cheats on you it's because she's not in love. Emotionally you're not giving her all she wants and she feels dis-connected. If your relationship has been going on the 2+ years and your relationship is less than stellar I'd seriously consider moving on.
Where did you read this? Its a lust thing for both women and men. They just like to make excuses for doing it.Its not psychological, its human nature to still be attracted to other people and they take it to far and sin.

lamb_servant72
05-21-2006, 08:08 AM
Brandon, I think you have made a wise decision to take some time apart and to really focus on Him.

I agree with what Mike and Scott said. I love the story of Hosea, especially when it comes to this issue. It puts a nice spin on God's expectations of us.

Do you know that He wanted you two together? That's very important. If He did, and this happened, is He trying to show her through you what His unconditional love is all about (like in Hosea)?

God will give you the grace to walk through things you never thought possible. Trust Him with every step. You have to hear from Him.

If this is the case (not saying it is, I don't k now, only God can tell you that), do you care more about what God wants to use you for above your own hurt?

You are a servant.

Somasoul, I don't think Hosea felt like an idiot when Gomer cheated on him over and over and he kept taking her back. His focus was on what God wanted, not his feelings.

If you, through spending time with God, come to know that God wants you two to work things out, you are going to be amazed at what God can do to your emotions as you submit to Him.

This girl might have some addiction to lust. Would you be willing to keep walking her through emotional/sinful healing if it happens again? God can bring you to that point. You can get to a point where doing God's agenda is so far above your feelings, those feelings just fade away as the only thing you are latched onto becomes Him.

Remeber who your true enemy is.

Red_gal
05-26-2006, 05:55 PM
I don't know what to tell you... you can go through the pain and all and have her back or not. If you take her back though it needs to be made clear how you felt and that she will not continue in it.