agent_c68
06-03-2006, 10:42 PM
I donít know the word for what Iím feeling, but itís like standing at a buffet full of food that looks great but you cannot eat any of it. Before you start thinking Iím having diet issues, the real problem is with the girls in my college group.

There are several really attractive young women in my college group at church, only problem is that there is zero possibilities for a relationship in the whole group (there are about a dozen girls in my college group). The worst part is that some of them are really playful and flirty which absolutely KILLS me, because I know they have no intention for a relationship. I canít stand it because I know that it is totally shallow and fake. I honestly cannot stand to be around any of the girls in the group, itís beginning to sicken me. Iím considering taking a break from the group for a while. I donít want to have to wrestle with my emotions every time I hang out.

Before I get slapped with ďyou just need to be contentĒ, realize itís hard for someone who hasnít eaten in a long time to face that buffet. When I am in a good situation, I am much better, and to be honest, I realize that I have no hope for the time being. But that doesnít always translate into my emotions, and my logic has to wrestle with it which strains me and I cannot relax and have fun.

Please pray that I can strengthen my emotional resolve and be able to fend off these feelings so I can enjoy the time I spend with the group and so I am not emotionally drained after hanging out.

Isildur9473
06-03-2006, 11:38 PM
I work at this restaurant as a busboy. My job mostly includes bringing appetizers and drinks out to customers, and cleaning up tables. Occasionally I have to clean up the bar area, but that's only once or twice per night.

I work with this very attractive girl, I'll go ahead and call her Johanna. There's this other guy I work with, I'll call him Steve. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen, but Johanna is something else, you seriously need to see her in order to fully understand what I'm saying.

I was coming back in from table 25 or 26 with some half eaten chips and a few empty bottles of Bud Light, when I saw the two of them talking. The entire magnitude of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. That was one painful ton of bricks I might add.

Some guys in this world, they get the attractive girls like Johanna. Other guys in this world, like myself, they get nothing until perhaps later in their life. It was really painful to fully come to terms with that, it depresses the hell out of me. Some of us are doomed to mediocrity until perhaps later in their life. You have to ask yourself whether or not you fit into that group, I have no idea if you do. You're either in it, or you aren't.

I've been around girls like the ones you're talking about. If I were you, I'd drop them like you were holding the last unopened beer in a bar full of violent alcoholics on New Year's Eve. I've found that there's absolutely nothing to be gained with girls like that. That type of girl is the kind of person that would kill an old person for their social security check anyway. Well, maybe not, but they're still horrible people.

I don't want to be one of those people that says "OMG I KNO WHAT U R GOIN THRU", since I really hate it when people do that. I've done it in the past, but I'm a psuedo-intellectual hypocrite, that's my reason.

For what it's worth (Omg Buffalo Springfield reference), nobody should say "be content with what you have" on this issue. If they do, they should shut up, or spend a lot of time with a lot of really hot (Since I'm referring to girls as hot, you can go ahead and label me a sexist chauvinistic pig that should get hit by a bus. Since I said that, I obviously think of girls as a sexual object and nothing else.) girls, (Or boys depending on who you are).

PsychoCanOpener
06-04-2006, 11:27 AM
For what it's worth (Omg Buffalo Springfield reference), nobody should say "be content with what you have" on this issue. If they do, they should shut up, or spend a lot of time with a lot of really hot (Since I'm referring to girls as hot, you can go ahead and label me a sexist chauvinistic pig that should get hit by a bus. Since I said that, I obviously think of girls as a sexual object and nothing else.) girls, (Or boys depending on who you are).

dude, i just gotta say...you're my hero

i think isildur is absolutely right man, better than i could have put it.8)

lamb_servant72
06-04-2006, 01:23 PM
The worst part is that some of them are really playful and flirty which absolutely KILLS me, because I know they have no intention for a relationship. I canít stand it because I know that it is totally shallow and fake. I honestly cannot stand to be around any of the girls in the group, itís beginning to sicken me. Iím considering taking a break from the group for a while. I donít want to have to wrestle with my emotions every time I hang out.


My first reaction when I read this was: Could you say this to the group as a whole? I know that sounds crazy, but 1) I bet you're not the only guy that feels this way 2) The guys and girls would respect your honesty 3) It would cut down on the flirting. 4) It may just open up the group to more interesting conversation and honesty.

drumchick101
06-04-2006, 04:48 PM
First off, ha ha on the whole "hot" comment. As far as that can of worms goes, to each his own, I don't have a problem with it.

but I would go with Lisa on this one...she usually knows everything ;)

><sarah><

agent_c68
06-04-2006, 08:51 PM
My first reaction when I read this was: Could you say this to the group as a whole? I know that sounds crazy, but 1) I bet you're not the only guy that feels this way 2) The guys and girls would respect your honesty 3) It would cut down on the flirting. 4) It may just open up the group to more interesting conversation and honesty.

I was probably exagerating the situation because I was frustrated about it. The thing is that it's not that bad of a problem, the flirting is minor and subtle and only involves a few girls, but it still bothers me. I am actually considering talking to one girl who I think made a bad decision even though she should knows better (at least it gave my heart a little more strength in the struggle).

The problem in this situation lies more in my heart and old emotional connections that I know I cannot have, especially since three of the girls in the group have told me "no" (including the two of them that said never). And since there are no other options, my heart still clings to them and fights my intellect which knows that there is no way it will work out or even get started. It also doesn't help that non of the girls have even shown a bit of (romantic) intrest in me.

And to be honest, I've been feeling kind of alienated from the girls since almost the begining of the year. I am learning that it is hard to have a friendship (with girls) without the suspicion of dating there (for me especially since I am a one-on-one or small group type of guy).

disciple
06-05-2006, 05:07 PM
Some guys in this world, they get the attractive girls like Johanna. Other guys in this world, like myself, they get nothing until perhaps later in their life. It was really painful to fully come to terms with that, it depresses the hell out of me. Some of us are doomed to mediocrity until perhaps later in their life. You have to ask yourself whether or not you fit into that group, I have no idea if you do. You're either in it, or you aren't.
I usually avoid speaking in these situations, to avoid repeating myself or sounding like a fool (both of which happen a lot) but with a recent event (this weekend) on hand, I feel I might be able to add something. I fit in the latter group, though.

I've spent my teenaged years being ignored by what girls I have seen. When girls look at me, it's either with confusion, disgust, or something of the like. It hurts a little, but I've gotten used to it. So used to it that, when I do get positive looks from girls (once a year event, in all 100% honesty) it hits me (to use your term) "like a ton of bricks". I realized that I hardly ever get looked at with some sort of positive or neutral gaze that lasts more than a couple seconds. I feel invisible a lot.

But then I stop and think that, even though it's okay for my self-esteem when a girl actually shows interest in me, I usually don't want to have anything to do with a girl that flirts or stuff like that. Not just for the obvious reasons, but for the sheer fact that if a girl's flirting with me, they must be desparate, and that's just... wrong.

If I weren't so tired, I wouldn't have forgotten my point or veered off subject. But Carl, you know me, and I have the same problems. Exact same.

theelectric3
06-05-2006, 06:09 PM
never put yourself in a position were you will let your guard down. God wouldn't bring distractions into your life (someone who would distract you from Him). if it is too hard to be in that place where the girls flirt and carry on... perhaps a time of seperation would be good...

James 1 tells us that all we need to do is ask Him for wisdom when we need it. He'll show you what to do.

DustinRocks
06-05-2006, 07:32 PM
I work in an office with an attractive girl and we have become friends over time. She is funny, pleasent to be around and most of all a heart for full time ministry. The thing is I'm love a wonderful girl who is not her and wouldn't want it any other way. I waited on my girfriend Nancy I saw other girls who had everything I wanted but it never felt rigth until Nancy. Just wait and what you want will one day be right there.

weebird20
06-06-2006, 01:02 AM
hey Agent....i thought of this verse when i read what you had to say up there...

James 1:12, "Happy is the man who doesn't give in and do wrong when he is tempted, for afterwards he will get as his reward the crown of life that God has promised those who love Him."

just thinking about that second bit of the verse "he will get his just reward" thats what you should be aiming for the just reward...don't go for the second best...i really do know how hard it is to wait around for a bf/gf...i didn't have my first bf til i was 22...

i agree with tracy on this one...don't put yourself in a situation were you will let your guard down...but also like Lisa said...don't just walk away from this group of friends without telling them how the flirting messes with you (and im sure other guys in the group too) some girls just don't have any idea what flirting with a guy can do...they may not even realise that how they act is seen as flirting...so explain it to them if you can...you don't know they may try toning down a bit...

lamb_servant72
06-06-2006, 03:18 AM
I don't think you exagerated. I understand that it's only a few girls, and the flirting is minor, but I do believe the girls know what they are doing. (Girls enjoy this attention.) I agree with Laura, I don't think they understand the effect it is having on you, and most likely other guys, as well. Most girls that age don't think about that.

I hope you will consider praying about talking to the girl/girls, if not to the group.

I just don't know if it would have as much of an impact if you say it individually, they may not stop what they are doing. I don't know, because I don't know the girls.

If you made a general statement to the group (not saying any names, of course) stating that it is emotionally hurtful and frustrating when a girl says she's not interested, but then flirts, then everyone is made aware, so she has others "watching" and knowing that you've made yourself clear about how you feel about it.

A friend of mine was having trouble with a girl at work (it wasn't an emotional problem, but a physical one, so I do realize it's a bit different). One day, mid-conversation, he said, "Would you mind buttoning the next button up on your blouse? It's really distracting me. Thank you." (And continued the conversation.)

Needless to say, she improved her office attire, which helped out the other guys in the building. I don't know about her, but I respected him for coming out and saying it!

dawn of light
06-06-2006, 06:20 AM
I don't think you exagerated. I understand that it's only a few girls, and the flirting is minor, but I do believe the girls know what they are doing. (Girls enjoy this attention.)

She's right. Girls love the attention but it doesn't make it right. What those girls are doing to you is wrong. They may not even realize it, because it comes so naturally for them. Somewhere, somehow they learned how to act like that and now they flirt without even realizing it. (I know because I used to be like that). I didn't change my actions until someone pointed them out, and taught me how to treat guys with respect.

DustinRocks
06-07-2006, 02:46 PM
I've spent my teenaged years being ignored by what girls I have seen. When girls look at me, it's either with confusion, disgust, or something of the like. It hurts a little, but I've gotten used to it. So used to it that, when I do get positive looks from girls (once a year event, in all 100% honesty) it hits me (to use your term) "like a ton of bricks". I realized that I hardly ever get looked at with some sort of positive or neutral gaze that lasts more than a couple seconds. I feel invisible a lot.

But then I stop and think that, even though it's okay for my self-esteem when a girl actually shows interest in me, I usually don't want to have anything to do with a girl that flirts or stuff like that. Not just for the obvious reasons, but for the sheer fact that if a girl's flirting with me, they must be desparate, and that's just... wrong.
.

Dude this comment seriously bummed me out.I'm not much of a looker myself but it wouldn't hurt to have confidence. When I walkin the door I'm the life of the room. Due to this I 've dated 2 models (kid you not.. one appearing in the movie "Where The Heart Is" featuring natalie portman) Not thats even important but both of these girls were high class hollywood and honestly glamourous and I'm a middle class struggling musician with a crooked nose and alot of other flaws. Don't sell yourself short. You have to much to offer. Don't be suprised if a girl wants to flirt with you don't always be some big flirt back either find a middleground.

timmyrotter
06-07-2006, 02:52 PM
lemmie tell you something about women, they look pretty and act pretty... but then they will be the ones eating you! they'll screw you over!!! so follow my advise and dont even bother with them...

Isildur9473
06-07-2006, 10:54 PM
lemmie tell you something about women, they look pretty and act pretty... but then they will be the ones eating you! they'll screw you over!!! so follow my advise and dont even bother with them...

To tell you the truth, I have to say I agree with you for the most part. A few won't, but most of them are manipulative and just like what you said.

dawn of light
06-08-2006, 07:21 AM
I find that really insulting...you don't know the majority of women in the world so how can you say that. There are a lot of girls who aren't like that. There are just as many manipulative women as there are men out there.

That's like saying all guys are pigs and they only date girls who are hot and will give them sex. How many women get raped every year?

Isn't the "Garden of Gethsemane" about encouraging each other and praying for each other?

How many females posted on this thread (and other threads like when someone's girlfriend broke up with them) to encourage you? And you actually have the audacity to say something like that?

Isildur9473
06-08-2006, 12:42 PM
In all of my "travels" and with all the different girls I've met and got to know beyond a few minutes, I stand by what I say. Maybe I'm hanging around the wrong people or something. I also said that some girls are not like that...

drumchick101
06-08-2006, 12:53 PM
To tell you the truth, I have to say I agree with you for the most part. A few won't, but most of them are manipulative and just like what you said.

Wow, I find that so sad. However, consider that those girls are like that because they've been manipulated themselves. Why would a guy manipulte a girl? Because that's what he was taught. If you interchange the genders it still makes the same point. What I'm trying to say is that I find this to be another excuse to be a salt and a light in a wounded generation.

Were we not once wounded ourselves before Jesus came along?

><sarah><

aliengurl7
06-08-2006, 01:14 PM
"...but most of them are manipulative and just like what you said."

Guys can be manipulative too, it goes both ways ya know.

Isildur9473
06-08-2006, 01:53 PM
"...but most of them are manipulative and just like what you said."

Guys can be manipulative too, it goes both ways ya know.

Yeah, but I wasn't talking about guys. If I was, I would say "Everyone" instead of "Girls", since isn't this thread about girls? This thread doesn't have to turn into the women's rights movement, I was saying what I believe, I said it, you think I'm mistaken, that's life.

disciple
06-08-2006, 02:14 PM
For one thing, people aren't "always taught" to be manipulative. They just are. Like sociopaths. I've known people who grew up in a normal household and came out a puppeteer.

weebird20
06-08-2006, 02:41 PM
sort of makes me think of the our relationship with God...how sometimes we will only go to Him when we want something...yet He is ALWAYS there...ALWAYS ready to listen...no matter how much we ignore Him as soon as we look to Him He is right there...no questions asked...longing just to draw us closer to Him...now thats the kind commitment that relationships should have...but sadly we live in a fallen world and we only see in part the glory and riches God has in store for us...

ok can we just settle that both genders have good and bad points...and get back to the orginal topic...i recall agent asked for encouragement and some prayer...please don't distract from that by getting into an heated discussion...thank you :)

aliengurl7
06-08-2006, 02:53 PM
Yeah, but I wasn't talking about guys. If I was, I would say "Everyone" instead of "Girls", since isn't this thread about girls? This thread doesn't have to turn into the women's rights movement, I was saying what I believe, I said it, you think I'm mistaken, that's life.
Just because you believe it to be true doesn't make it right, and thats why I disagreed with your statement because most women aren't what you say they are. Maybe the ones you met were but that doesn't mean its a fact and noooo its not going to turn into a women's right movement either but it can be if you want.jk.

skelfy
06-08-2006, 03:03 PM
I don't really know what to say. People are like that in general. It's just how it is. Occasionally you'll meet a person who isn't completely terrible, but that's rare. That's why when you do find those rare people, STICK WITH THEM.

If you haven't found those types of people yet, I don't know what to tell you. They aren't going to drop out of the sky. They might not come, even if you do pray for them.

If those girls have the type of personalities you think they do, don't waste your time. However, maybe you should try to talk to them alone. Sort of on a one to one level. If they still act the same as they are in the group, leave them be. They are not worth your trouble. If you get frustrated, simply leave. Go off where you can deal with it by yourself.

You don't know you have no possibilities with them, and they are not the only girls to choose from just because they are in the church group. What can I say, it is true for the most part that nice guys get jipped. I don't really know what to tell you other than guys who get all the girls are not worth it either. Be glad you are more intelligent than them and actually want a good relationship. Don't settle for less.

agent_c68
06-09-2006, 01:41 AM
As the one responsible for starting this inferno, I'll make a statement about this situation.

Guys and girls are different, as much as we don't want to admit it. Guys think differently, choose differently, and can even feel differently. I'm not saying which one is better, but that there are differences and it does cause this conflict.

I've been irritated by some of the girls in the group because they are not willing to try something different, and they think that it is less damaging telling me "I will never feel that way" then approaching it from a "what if / would it work?" mindset. I realize now that is one example of difference, I'd rather look into the situation and test it to see if it would work. The impression I got from these girls is that they did not "feel" that way for me now, so they would never feel differently. This kills me because I know things can change, so first off saying "never" is foolish in my eyes, and that emotions are a shaky ground to base decisions on.

Do I think girls stink? Right now in the group, yes but I know that they are not always going to be like this and there are some girls out there who are good about these things, but not here and now. I know that someday I will meet that girl that will understand, or at least tolerates, me and my interests. The thing that specifically been irritating me with these girls is that they seem cool about this stuff, but have no "feelings" about me.

Girls, I do not want to discourage you, but some of the encouragement that you give is not helpful. I've had several girls try to encourage me when I am struggling with this, their response is summed up "you are a nice guy and someday you'll find that girl." Stuff like that doesn't help, for me at least. Sadly I cannot say what would help for me, but I think it might be helpful to encourage us in specific ways that we are good, especially in ways other then "Nice guy" or nice guy things.

Honestly, it doesn't help me that lately the girls have all been excited about marriage since several (I can think of 5 in the extended group) of the girls in the group are getting married, some have a date planned already and others you can tell it's sooner or later. They talk about how they would like to be married and have kids and junk, but my only reaction is "you missed your chance with me months ago when you said 'never', chose your words better next time." I would be more diplomatic and polite about it if I had to say it to them.

Guys, I know it's a form of someday, but here's one last thought for you. You will not know how she will enter your life, but she will. One of my friends has been friends with his girlfriend for years before they even started going out, probably never suspecting a relationship with her until recently. (don't quote me on the timing with this one, I'm bad with dates) Another guy started going to out group around a year ago and his fiancť also started going to the group at the same time, they knew about each other before they joined the group, but they really hit it off and developed the relationship. Guys, you may already know her, you might not have met her, but she is out there and God will reveal her to you in his timing.

Girls, one thing I think might help guys like me is if you didn't decide on the relationship yourself. Give us a chance, don't just tell us you are not interested, but talk to us about it. I'd have a little more respect for a girl who talks with me about the relationship and why she doesn't want to be in it rather then having her tell me she doesn't want one with me. There are still guys who need to be told directly "NO", but treat us guys (I'm speaking from an early 20's perspective) like reasonable adults.

Thank you all for your prayers, your encouragement (including the attempted encouragement), and discussion. I'm sorry that this went downhill like this.

weebird20
06-09-2006, 02:50 AM
ahhh...im sorry about the advice not being helpful...your very right about how we think differently about things...its true...probably best to get some advice/encouragement from another guy friend who you can sit down and talk about this with...possibly someone more spiritually mature who can share his experiences with you...

please don't take this the wrong way agent...but these girls saying they don't have feelings for you may relate to how they see you physically...guys are drawn to someone by how they look, usually (im not saying this is true for all guys...though it is higher up on their list of priorities than for girls)...there has to be the physical attractiveness there somewhere...girls tend to go by how the guy acts and treats others...although girls may not put attractiveness as high up on their list...its still quite important to them...and they will go by looks also sometimes...and since everyone has different tastes when it comes to this...you can't expect that because you find a girl attractive she will feel that same way about you...

The thing that specifically been irritating me with these girls is that they seem cool about this stuff, but have no "feelings" about me.

sometimes your just not their type...

Though i can say this...for a guy to be attractive to a girl she weighs up both how he looks with how he acts...they go together and usually the actions speak louder...your actions will change how she sees you physically...

The impression I got from these girls is that they did not "feel" that way for me now, so they would never feel differently. This kills me because I know things can change, so first off saying "never" is foolish in my eyes, and that emotions are a shaky ground to base decisions on.

Your right about this, sadly too many girls go by their emotions and feelings...which can change dramatically and suddenly whenever...there is just no way of knowing if girls like this will still stand by what they said yesterday, today...don't fret over it...you said right there that things can change...and they can :)

since you don't know yourself what would help its more of a case of everyone just throwing their opinions/what they think may encourage you/advice out there and hoping they will maybe say something that you can use...

Aragornsgirl217
06-09-2006, 06:25 AM
(Alright Greg, don't shoot me down for saying this......) But Agent, I know exactly what you're talking about (only it's guys with me, not girls...). And my advice is pray. Pray before you go hang out with that group, pray while you're with the group, and pray after the group.

dawn of light
06-09-2006, 07:22 AM
My apologies to everyone...I guess I got a little too upset about what some of the dudes said...

I just felt like we (girls) were doing our best to be encouraging and it wasn't being appreciated...Sorry we couldn't encourage you as much as we wanted to.

I just want to share the story of how my boyfriend (Karl) and I first started dating. (I don't know if it'll be encouraging or not, but it's worth a shot)

I didn't find Karl attractive at all. He was a nice guy but I thought he was too loud and too forward. He wasn't shy and it became obvious that he liked me very soon. I found it overbearing but he was so sweet about everything that I didn't want to hurt him. So I just hung out with him as a friend in groups of people. To make a long story short, eventually he began to impress me with his character, love for God and people, and persistance in pursuing me. As I began to get to know him better, be became more attractive to me.(physically as well).

I decided that it was worth dating him. At first I was scared because I didn't know if it would work out. But then I realized that I'd never know unless I gave it my best effort. He became the HOTTEST guy on the planet...and my best friend. We've been dating over a year now and thinking about moving the relationship to the next level. He's my best friend now and I hate to think what I'd me missing out on if I'd never given him a chance.

The best advice I can give is to trust God with everything, delight yourself in Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

DustinRocks
06-11-2006, 09:40 PM
People are friggin sketchy. Guy or girl, christian or jew, black or white. People are born into a world of sin and can be super sketchy.

agent_c68
06-14-2006, 10:42 PM
Aye aye ayeÖ The girls in my group are just so ARGH!!!!!!!

I am sitting there at prayer meeting after me and the guy I was praying with finished, and two of the girls, not much more then 6 feet away start praying that God will bring their ďmanĒ into their life. What gives! I donít mind them praying that, but itís kind of disrespectful praying that in front of someone you know is single and has had no luck with girls, especially if you were ones that had told him no.

Just like my buddy has said before, girls in our group are a pain. I really hope they can straighten up or I can meet others who are less of a pain then they are.

theelectric3
06-15-2006, 02:49 PM
do the girls know how hurtful that is for you? maybe they are just insensitive in that because they honestly do not know?

I really hope they can straighten up or I can meet others who are less of a pain then they are.

just to play devil's advocate - guys aren't perfect either. (no, i'm not turning this into a guy vs. girl thread.) no gender is perfect and each has their own issues. it's kinda harsh to go off on how much of a pain they are, etc.

why do they bother you so much? is it because you are attracted to them, so it is offensive to you for them to pray for God to send them their husband (which i have my own views on but won't go off on more tangents here)?

drumchick101
06-15-2006, 05:35 PM
I donít mind them praying that, but itís kind of disrespectful praying that in front of someone you know is single and has had no luck with girls, especially if you were ones that had told him no.

I hope this doesn't get me into trouble, but I think that perhaps you are taking things a bit too personally. I'll use myself as an example:

To my knowledge, a guy has never even turned his head at me, let alone have I had any "luck" with them. Why is this? It always helps to look from their perspective. I'm pretty young looking, people often ask me if I've gotten my liscense yet when I've had it for almost two years. Second, my attire doesn't exactly suggest pursuit. It's usually a tee-shirt, some kind of odd-colored pair of pants and a pair of old-looking, smelly converse all-stars. I tend to befreind guys rather than flirt with them so from all of this I deduct that there aren't many guys who would be attracted to me. It's not because they don't find me to be a good person, that's just not their deal.

Just try to see things from their perspective. I personally find it important to not just date anyone, I want to keep dating for just my future husband and I (if possible). Perhaps they feel the same way, I don't know them.

OR...everything I've said is totally wrong because I don't know these girls. Take it as you will.

Aye aye ayeÖ Oh, and that was a great touch ;D

><sarah><

agent_c68
06-15-2006, 06:35 PM
I guess the reason I'm bothered is because they seem short sighted and unwilling to take risks. I also guess I'm under the impression that the girls have this thought that if things aren't going to work out now, they aren't going to work out ever.

I know of a couple who when they were in college, the girl did not even feelings for the guy in the least bit. a few years later, they were reunited, she had realized how attractive he was after she had a chance to mature a bit more through and after college. She said back then she would have never considered him, but now she is totally in love with him. I'm not saying that the "in Love" thing is a measure of success, but she would have said "never" about him a few years back, but now she has almost the opposite view of him (as in she would never marry anyone else).

And it's not that I don't want them praying for this, but openly praying that in front of guys in a way that it can be taken as an insult. There are things that it is best not to pray in mixed company at least.

I spent an hour today talking with the youth pastor about this, and I am getting better and not feeling as negative about this situation and these girls. but like I told him, it's like for every 2 steps I take forward, I take 1 back.