06-05-2006, 10:20 PM
I don't know about you guys, but I'm a playwright. Have any of you guys written any? If so, feel free to post them here for critique. Please critique mine.

The Many Wives Of Space Father

By: Isildur9473

Act 1, Scene 1:

(Our play begins at the dawn of time. Space Father and Trick Daddy enter center stage, curtain rises.)

Space Father: Build a new universe we will.

Trick Daddy: Man, you speakin like Yoda n' junk, this ain't no star wars or no junk like that.

Space Father: Yourself, you shall silence.

Trick Daddy: I don't want to hear that junk outta you brotha. I got skillz up in here, I got a 9 in my pocket homie_K!

(Space Father vanquishes Trick Daddy to the nethervoid.)

Space Father: Gone, he is. New universe, I shall create.

(Space Father waves his arms around in predetermined cordinated motions, and space is created.)

Space Father: Create space, I have.

(Space Father sat in his space for a very long time. He grew very lonely, and decided to create a companion for himself since Trick Daddy was still trapped in the Nethervoid. He waved his arms around, and created the center of the Universe. It was so bright that even he had to shield his eyes from its momentous clapping noises. He then quickly unshielded them since noise and brightness were too different things. He proceeded to cover his eyes, but found the clapping noises too much for him to bear.)

Space Father: A great disaster, I have created. Clapping noises, are too much for me to bear. To silence these noises, if only there was some way.

(He sat pondering this for some time. His hands were moving faster than they ever had from his eyes to his ears. The maniacal clapping noise, and the brightness of the center were just too much to handle. Finally, he came to a decision.)

Space Father: A decision, I have reached. Expand the universe, I shall. Speaking like Yoda, I shall stop. Nobody understands the trials that Space Father finds in every second of his existence. I am truly a troubled soul, so I need a companion to keep me company in this difficult time.

(He waved his arms around, and the center of the Universe blew up into a lot of other groupings of matter.)

Space Father: I have another dilemma on my hands now. Whatever shall I do to make sure that these groupings of matter are grouped together in something I deem acceptable for existence?

(His question was soon answered as he created galaxies, and solar systems.)

Space Father: I know of what I now must do in order to have companionship. I must create a woman for myself, one who can bear my children. They will be ever so pure, like silk sheets fresh out of the package on a cold, dusty New Jersey afternoon. Wait, New Jersey doesn't exist! I must create it!

(His wisdom leads him to form Earth. It then hit him, Earth would be his companion. He changed Earth's gender from Windows-Compatible to female. He named it, Earth Mother, since Earth soon gave birth to his children, the 8 other planets.)

Earth Mother: I have been created!

Space Father: Yes you have Earth Mother, we shall have many more children.

(And so they did for a great period of time. They gave birth to solar system after solar system of children. Soon those children had their own children as races evolved from the ground up.)

Space Father: The fruit of our most industrious labor is ever wonderful Earth Mother.

Earth Mother: I agree most whole-heartedly.

Space Father: We must have more children, we must populate the infinite plane known as myself.

Earth Mother: I have grown tired over time.

Space Father: Let not Fatigue stand in your way! More important things must be done!

Earth Mother: I fear that we may have a miscarriage, my own health is also in jeopardy!

Space Father: Concern yourself not with health, but the children you have put out upon the Universe, or infinite plane known as myself.

Earth Mother: I cannot aid you in your quest to further colonize the infinite plane that is known as yourself.

Space Father: Please say this is only a cruel joke!

Earth Mother: It is not. There is much activity on my body, between the continents and the oceans. I must feed them, yet I have no money.

Space Father: We shall consult Trick Daddy over this, for I have very limited funding at my disposal, and I shall not waste it upon feeding your young.

(Trick Daddy had spent so long in the Nethervoid he became the wisest being alive. He declared himself supreme judge of the infinite space that is known as Space Father. He set up the supreme court in the rings of Saturn, next door to the KFC. Yes, the KFC that has the really bad quality soda dispensers. They were thinking about putting it next to the KFC on Saturn's Rings that's brand new, but that's just too expensive.)

Earth Mother: Those are the first truly wise words I have heard you speak in a very long period of time Space Father.

Space Father: Then it is settled, we shall travel to the rings, poste haste!

Curtain Close

06-05-2006, 10:20 PM
Act 1, Scene 2:

(Earth Mother and Space Father arrive at the line to the Supreme Court.)

Space Father: The length of this line is most infuriating.

Earth Mother: I agree, I have other things to be doing.

Space Father: Perhaps I shall eradicate everything in existence, and start from scratch with just Trick Daddy and myself as I did once before.

Earth Mother: You cannot do that!

Space Father: And why not?

Earth Mother: Then we will never know who will pay my child custody bills.

Space Father: You raise a very valid point.

Earth Mother: I would like to think so myself.

(A Small boy named Scrapz McAlmuerzo taps on Space Fathers knee, since he cannot reach any higher.)

Scraps McAlmuerzo: Might you lend me a quarter kind sir?

Space Father: What do you need this quarter for?

Scraps McAlmuerzo: I must call my mother and have her come pick me up.

Space Father: Who is this mother of which you speak?

Earth Mother: You scandalous infinite plane of space!

Space Father: I have not engaged in fornication!

Scraps McAlmuerzo: Might I have that quarter?

Space Father: Be gone, for I have no quarter to give you.

Earth Mother: You cannot even spare a quarter for a poor young boy?

Space Father: Silence! Money is not the object! It is the principle of the thing!

Earth Mother: Do not speak of such things as principles! Here you go child.

(Earth Mother hands Scraps McAlmuerzo the quarter that he needs.)

Scraps McAlmuerzo: Thank you kind lady.

Earth Mother: Speak nothing of what I have done for you. My charity requires no gratitude from you, nor from anyone.

Space Father: It is nearly our time in the court.

(They step into the court, where Trick Daddy prepares to hear their case.)

Trick Daddy: I have reviewed your case, and I am prepared to make a judgment upon you.

Space Father: Eh?

Trick Daddy: It is as simple as this. You shall support Earth Mother by order of the court, or else you shall face the full consequences of disobeying the legal system!

Earth Mother: A truly just victory this is for us all.

Space Father: I cannot believe the words that I am hearing from this court!

Trick Daddy: Do you have any other matters to present to the court?

Space Father: Your honor, I urge you to reconsider your decision.

Trick Daddy: I shall consider it again.

(Trick Daddy considers it again for a few anxious seconds.)

Trick Daddy: I have come to my second conclusion!

Space Father: What is your decision your honor?

Trick Daddy: I have ruled in the same manner in which I have before. You shall send Earth Mother enough money to support your children every Monday. Be late, and you shall suffer the full consequences of the law.

Space Father: What have I done to deserve such a cruel fate?

Earth Mother: A cruel fate? Since when has justice become a cruel fate?

Space Father: You know not of what you speak! Silence!

Trick Daddy: I am prepared to review the next case. I would very much appreciate it if you were to move on from my court room and allow me to commence with my job.

Space Father: This is most unfair, I am not sure of what to do.

Light focuses on Space Father, all other characters freeze.

Space Father: Oh what a cruel fate that has been bestowed upon me! I shall sever all connections with Earth Mother and find a new mistress, one that is much less needy. I will move my place of residence to one of many other solar systems. I shall perhaps enforce a system that will control my wives and everything that they do. It is unacceptable to think that they could have free domain as Earth Mother did, for I cannot possibly handle another tragedy such as this in my life. My only qualm about this is the fact that I have to use my own hard earned money to support Earth Mother and her children! This I cannot comfortably do, for I wish to sever all ties with her and her kind. Fate is such a cruel mistress for me!

All other characters reappear, Space Father's soliloquy ends.

Earth Mother: I feel as if justice is shining upon me! I shall receive child support payments from Space Father!

Space Father: I shall eat at the KFC far out here, yes, the one that has really bad quality soda dispensers. I shall eat, and eat, and eat, until I cannot eat anymore, for I know of nothing else to possibly do with myself!

Earth Mother: You cannot spend all of your money on yourself, for you have me and my children to support Space Father!

Space Father: I needn't not be reminded of my duty to you. I fully plan on following through to the best of my ability, for I am the plane that is infinite... I am Space Father.

Earth Mother: You have much confidence in yourself Space Father! I cannot trust a man that has that much confidence in himself.

Space Father: What does this mean for us?

Earth Mother: It means that I shall not trust you until I've received my child support checks to some degree of normalcy. Please forgive me if I'm making a mistake.

Space Father: It is not you that has made a mistake, but this court. It has turned the legal system into a mockery, I know not of an act as vile as the one that has just been committed in the entire history of myself, the plane which is infinite.

Earth Mother: Stop talking in the manner in which you are. I must retreat to my home and take care of my children.

Space Father: And I must retreat to the KFC before it closes, since I desire the warm, fulfilling taste of golden brown fried chicken, with mashed potatoes and a medium Diet Pepsi!

Curtain closes

Act 1, Scene 3:

(Space Father arrives at the KFC.)

Space Father: What shall I order for myself? The prospect of golden brown fried chicken, the fulfilling taste of mashed potatoes, and a medium Diet Pepsi are just too much for me to handle. I know not of what to do with myself!

(Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo standing behind him hears his speech.)

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: Fret not plane of space which is infinite! I know of what it is that you should do with yourself.

Space Father: And what is that?

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: You should consume your food, and enjoy it. However, make sure that you do not enjoy your food too much, since only a fool enjoys his food too much.

Space Father: Your words are wise, where did you hear that?

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: I have created the advice within my own mind, for that is my job, I am a poet.

Space Father: Tell me more of this agricultural science you call poetry.

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: It is not an agricultural science, but a science of agriculture.

Space Father: Please forgive my ignorance in this matter.

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: Fret not, for we are all ignorant within our hearts.

Space Father: A most brilliant statement that you have just made. One could not easily forget such beautiful words, especially from such a beautiful being.

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: Your generous comments are most misguided.

Space Father: Explain to me how this is true?

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: I am the ugliest of the ugly. Nobody will take my hand in marriage, not a single soul.

Space Father: I shall be this soul. I am a bachelor, I am in need of a wife.

Lu-Lu Moonchild McAlmuerzo: Do not say such rude things to me, for I am not in a state to receive these statements from you, nor from anyone.

Space Father: I am not joking around.

Act 4, Scene 89

(Scraps McAlmuerzo puts a quarter in the quarter machine. Then the quarter machine quarters Space Father into quarters. Then. Then the world went to obvlivion upon the cocker spaniel.)



06-06-2006, 09:49 AM
You have far too much time on your hands...

06-06-2006, 09:58 AM
I've said it before, it's hilarious.

06-06-2006, 01:16 PM
You have far too much time on your hands...
I've told him that, and he disagrees.