07-12-2006, 09:34 AM
Hey everyone! Well hmm.. I had some problems with self-harm not so long time ago, I used to cut myself and cause of that I have really many scars. So lately my friends has asked a lot about it so at first I simply lied about it. But I don`t want to. So now I have told that I used to cut to some of my friends and Im scared to death that they`ll tell about it to someone else too. I havent cutted for 3,5 months and Im really happy about it but I really am still struggeling with this and I don`t want to lie to my friends and loved ones, I am just so tired of hiding it. So I am asking that maybe someone could pray for me to sort this thing out and find some peace in my heart with all of this. anyhow.. I hope everyone understands how hard it has been to post something like this but I need help.
I went to a camp couple of days ago and really I felt like I got a new chance from God and I am just throwing it away as I still don`t want to let go of my eating disorder or the fact that I cant feel good around my friends cause of the things I have done and am doing. I don`t really know why am I posting this but I just don`t know what to do anymore and Im so tired of this.
Thanks to all of you who read this.
dawn of light
07-12-2006, 09:59 AM
I will pray for you. I can't say that I know what it's like to cut yourself; I've never done it, but almost. A couple months ago I was struggling with a lot anger. Not anger at anyone or anything, I just got angry at everything. I read about cutting on the internet and how one girl used to to release her anger. I sat down in my room with a knife and wanted to cut so badly because I wanted some way to let my anger out. I didn't know what to do with it all, I didn't want to scream and yell at people I cared about anymore and I didn't want anyone to be hurt because of my problems. I didn't cut though, I chickened out. I'm so glad I did.
Were these the kind of feelings that you have when you used to cut? I found that giving my anger to God worked. I didn't have any energy to pray so I just said "God I don't know what to do with this all. Please help me. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone around me. Just please take the anger away." Just being able to talk about it helped a lot. I also made a firm decision that I wasn't going to let my emotions rule my life. (I have good learning resources, books/cd's on emotions if you're interested, just PM me).
I think your friends will be understanding if you tell how it was for you emotionally. I know that can be very hard but they'll have a better understanding of why you did it than if you just say "I used to cut, I don't anymore". Your friends and family will probably be less likely to judge you for it, if you explain it to them and reassure them that you don't do it anymore.
God is a God of second chances. He'll never leave you. He'll always be there for you.
Philippians 4:13 says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." That is a good verse to confess when you're feeling down. Always remember that you're beautiful and precious. You are worth so much.
07-12-2006, 12:01 PM
I know where you're coming from w/ being a former cutter or as a friend once called it a cutter in recovery. I think that one fits the best. You say you still struggle with it even though you quit doing it awhile back. Well I was a cutter from about 6th grade until about halfway through my sophomore year. There were times I'd stop, but I always let myself slip back into it. Even now that I've been free from being a cutter I'll admit that there was a time about 3months ago that I cut myself again. Only one cut, but it happened. I felt guilty afterwards, but a really good friend reminded me that we're only human and we fall. She also told me that it's never too late to start over because we fail. I gave her my blades so that she could hold on to them for me so I wouldn't be tempted anymore. I haven't cut since, but I still have the desire, the struggle, even the guilt from doing it.
I also have a friend who cut through middle school and stopped in high school. Now she's a senior in college, and she's told me that although she's been free from cutting for four years, it's still a daily struggle.
The reason I tell you that is to let you know that you're definitely not alone in having the desire to cut, also in the being tired of hiding it. I hid my cutting until my sophomore year from my family and most of my friends. But I found that those who really care about you won't do anything that will hurt you. They will do what they believe is best for you. Sometimes that means telling someone else. By that I'm saying that if they feel your parents need to know then they'll tell your parents, but they won't be going around the town telling every person they see. You don't need to hide with those who have been there for you. Be honest. I think that was the best advice anyone ever gave me. Just be honest and don't hold back because you want to protect someone from being hurt by your problem. I used to say that, but now I realize that when I tried to hide my problems so people wouldn't be hurt by them, they got hurt more. Finally they'd come to me and ask about them until I told them. It's better to be honest with them in the first place and get the help.
I'll be praying for you...
And as a fellow cutter in recovery will rejoice as you make the steps towards healing. It's a tough road, but I believe it's gonna be worth it.
07-12-2006, 12:47 PM
wow guys thank u so much for this. Well yeah, it started cause I was angry at my parents and I didnt want to fight with them so i just went to my room and started scraching myself with a needle until I bleed and it felt so good. So later ofcourse it went worse. I didn`t cut for long. Maybe a year. First time I tried it cause I thought everyone are doing it and its cool. So I stopped for half a year, but then for some reason I began to cut myself several times a day whenever i felt sad or angry or simply normal but wanting to feel better. It lasted for about 3-4 months and then I met some people (msn!) who talked a lot about it and it did affect me a lot. I began to see how wrong it really is. Last time I cutted was the time I tried to cut my veins, my mother saw it. I havent ever seen her so dissipointed. Well atleast it looked like that to me. So I sweared that I won`t ever do it again. I haven`t. Well atleast I think so, thou i tried stabbing myself with pens too but anyways.. it didnt work :) Oh and a bit before that I thought that I am just lame if I stop now and that would mean that Im just emo and I dont eaven have a problem. So that was another thing why I kept going on with it.
Lately I have really felt blessed more than ever, but then something happend and I was again this close to start again. I didnt, as I kept telling myself that it will be painful. I knew that it really wont be but it held me back from cutting. Thank God.
Anyhow.. it still is a daily battle and sometimes I feel like there`s no hope tho at the moment I know its not so. Thank u all for the replies, they really helped me a lot. So I`ll let u know how I am doing i guess..
07-13-2006, 12:18 AM
hey Terje, you are totally in my thoughts and prayers. i respect you coming forth and asking for prayer - it shows maturity and a serious attitude to change.
i came across these (http://www.self-injury.org) two sites (http://www.selfinjury.com) that might help as well.
if ever need someone to talk to, never hesitate to send me a PM.
you are not alone in these and you are not without Hope. for Hope (in Christ) never disappoints.
be encouraged! :)
07-13-2006, 07:57 AM
I have a perspective you might find interesting.
I sin. God redeems me. I praise God.
Others inquire or otherwise find out about my sin. I show my scars and show what I learned, praising God about His grace. I encourage others give their sin to God, so that He redeems them and sets them free from their chains of sin.
So, really... the sin makes me stronger, showing off the battle scars of spiritual warfare. Don't be ashamed, only proud that God has delivered you and made you victorious.
07-13-2006, 08:30 AM
I use to cut and I have scars on my arms from it and each time I look at them (well this one in particular thats shaped like a cross(not intentional) and it was made by the last servere cutting I did) its a reminder of what God has gotten me through and how I can't go back to that place, it convicts me. He'll take it from you completely just don't give up hope. The desire will die and you'll be delivered. And don't be afraid to tell your family the truth, they are only there to help you. I'll be praying.
07-13-2006, 01:18 PM
remember what Jesus' scars represent. they are beautiful. when He rose from the dead, the scars remind. a reminder for what He has done for us... the depth of His love.
allow your scars to testify of the goodness of God (He kept you during those times, you're still here)... those are beautiful scars. because they point to Christ. :)
07-14-2006, 12:42 AM
Oh but its so hard eaven to tell anyone about it. None of my best friends know and in fact in they wont ask I wont tell. Its eaven harder to tell how did i manage to stop it :-X I have told about it to 2 gals, both were like "oh how could u wasnt that painful???!!" So I just briefly told that it was long time ago and I was just stupid and thats it. :-\ I don`t know if I ever talk about it to someone i really care about. I don`t want to and I have no idea what would they think of me then (thats the main reason for not talking about it) I can only blame myself i guess.. Btw thank you tracy for those links, I found a lot of stuff I havent thought about. :-*
07-16-2006, 05:31 AM
I failed again.
07-16-2006, 10:54 AM
I failed again.
Don't sweat it. Just keep pushing forward, your going to mess up but don't let that hold you back.
07-17-2006, 07:13 PM
I failed again.
God's love and patience never fails. He understands. Run to Him and rest in Him.
He allowed His flesh to be cut and scared so our's wouldn't have to be.
i'm sorry your friends didn't understand. sad to say, not many people seem to know what to say about cutting... it's like it's a taboo or something.
and i want to do all i can to get the word out... so it doesn't continue as the latest taboo in the Christian subculture.
Jesus is so passionately in love with you - don't be discouraged or give up! He is faithful even when we are faithless.
07-19-2006, 05:57 AM
Well lately I found myself blaming God again and I managed to get over it (by having a prayer!)- anyway Im glad that I did. I love my God. So I dont think it really matters how long time I havent cutted or done anything like it, it matters that I keep on trying not to. Well at first I was REALLY disipointed that I did it again, but I dont think that I`ll be doomed for the rest of my life.. Anyways Im really positive about it all at the moment. Thank u all so much for praying for me. I love u all.
dawn of light
07-19-2006, 05:59 AM
That's awesome! It's so great that God is always ready to forgive us and restore us when we ask!
07-20-2006, 12:22 PM
Oh this is all so cool! I found out that one of my very sweet friends (have only spoke to her in msn tho..) stopped cutting! I was about to cry when she told me it I prayed about her so much! God is awesome :o ! She was struggling with it for years.. I dont know how did He managed to solve all of this so perfectly :) Thank you all, Thanks to the Lord.
07-20-2006, 12:39 PM
Just to let u know ur not alone.. Im sure there is quarter of panheads on this site that have cutted before or is trying to get over it now.. Me its still a battle more so when im really stressed.. Ive been been a cutter since the age of 15 and now im 21. i havent done it since march poss april.. One thing i can tell u is this.. Yes it stinks spiritually wise when u fall but God wipes ur slate clean. Another thing is this when ur going through it and then the pain is gone ur problems are still going to be there but ur prob just got worse.. What if u had to go to the hospital and then they see fresh scars? What are u going to say then? ive been there and its not the greatest feeling.. not only did u let urself down but other people who really care about u.. here are some verses that have and still help me out..
1 peter 5:7-7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
john 10:10 --The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Jeremiah 29:11-- For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
1 corinthians 10:13--13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
There u go.. The father knows everything and he loves u and there is alot of people who care about u also.. Just remember ur not alone.. the songs that have helped me out are
Seventh day Slumber -caroline skillet -imperfection Skillet -will u be there and Superchick -hero
there is more.. But ill be keeping u in my prayers..
07-25-2006, 02:20 PM
thanks guys.. all of the replies have really helped me a lot.
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