alorian
11-06-2006, 01:54 AM
i never remember this much pain

lamb_servant72
11-06-2006, 01:57 AM
Physical or emotional?

I am praying, Seth.

alorian
11-06-2006, 01:58 AM
so much emotional...... and i'm losing weight cause of it alread. i didnt wanna wake up this morning or ever almost

weebird20
11-06-2006, 04:40 AM
praying Seth


Psalm 55:22, "Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you;"

Starbucks5721
11-06-2006, 05:18 AM
I'm still looking for you!

And I am praying so much, too!

alorian
11-06-2006, 07:05 AM
Thanks it means alot from you all :) and thanks lynn hopefully i'll find something soon.

I am very depressed. I'm force-feeding myself heh, but I am feeding myself. Though it's all dark I'm holding onto a very visible hope. My future is going to be very hard, harder than I ever expected, but I can do it. Your prayers are much appreciated.

alorian
11-06-2006, 07:06 AM
Thanks it means alot from you all :) and thanks lynn hopefully i'll find something soon.

I am very depressed. I'm force-feeding myself heh, but I am feeding myself. Though it's all dark I'm holding onto a very visible hope. My future is going to be very hard, harder than I ever expected, but I can do it. Your prayers are much appreciated.

breakthesilence
11-06-2006, 08:06 AM
psalm 42--go read it!

i am praying for you, seth.

dawn of light
11-06-2006, 08:19 AM
Um, I'm not exactly sure what I should be praying for...but I guess God knows.

alorian
11-06-2006, 09:14 AM
This keeps transforming into something different so I'm constantly dealing with something else, then something else, and the underlying everything keeps changing. Ouch

pizza brain
11-06-2006, 09:04 PM
Sounds horrible :( I'll be praying for you

alorian
11-07-2006, 01:38 AM
And yesterday I found out terrible news that a family member most likely has cancer. Worse and worse and worse isn't it?

When I get two ounces of hope, I get a pound and a half of pain. I'm on a roller coaster with so many more drops than rises or even levels even. I'm in so much pain guys

MeNtAlCaSe
11-07-2006, 09:05 AM
Man, I know the feeling very VERY well. The only thing I could hold on to, most times, was that God wasn't going to give me any more than I could handle. Problem was I thought I was a LOT weaker than He did, and there were times when I seriously wanted to pay my bill and check out of Hotel Life. When I laid curled up on my cot, or the floor, begging Him either to help me or take me, because if He didn't I would. Each time, every time, He answered. He WILL get you through this, hold on to that as tight as you can. No matter what, He WILL get you through. If you need/want to talk, just ask. I'm not perfect and I don't have all the answers, but I do have two ears and a heart.

alorian
11-07-2006, 09:14 AM
You know that low? Lower than you could ever dream? welcome seth

MeNtAlCaSe
11-07-2006, 09:45 AM
it wasn't a dream...more like a nightmare. Seth, if He can pull me through, He'll pull you through. I started to wonder if what I felt was what Christ felt upon the cross, but I realized how arrogant and sanctimonious that was.

One hour at a time man....just make it one hour at a time.

alorian
11-07-2006, 05:32 PM
I'm going to get through this. God will help me.

I'm going to take my pain in doses. I don't know how to explain it, but I can postpone what I'm feeling then feel it later, unless I wait too long and become numb, so I need to be careful, but this is what I need to do.

I'm 18 and need to be 28.. nah more like 68 right now. I need to be very mature and very wise. God, please give me more wisdom. I pray this prayer constantly.

I'll possibly try to explain everything soon

breakthesilence
11-07-2006, 08:07 PM
all who are thirsty
all who are weak
just come to the fountain
dip your heart in the streams of life

let the pain and the sorrow
be washed away
in the waves of His mercy
as the deep cries out to deep

come, Lord Jesus, come

alorian
11-09-2006, 12:41 AM
It's all over. I don't want to live

Tromos
11-09-2006, 06:12 AM
Hard, isn't it?

While I appreciate what I went through from 18-22, you couldn't pay me enough to go through it again.

This may well be the toughest time of your life. Because God is remaking you. Because the pruning hurts and the process of forging you into the person God means for you to be is painful and will leave scars.

But on the other side of this trial is the person God needs you to be to fulfill His Plan for your life.

So how do you get through from here to there? God gave you everything you need to deal with every situation. He even wrote it down.

I'm not gonna ask you to look at all the other people your age and all the difficult things they're going through that appear worse than your life. Because they aren't you and those aren't your battles to fight. Did you think the Lord would arm you with His weapons and protect you with His armor so you could stand by and watch life pass you by?

Satan has two great weapons, and the greater of these is despair. With despair, Satan can get you to give up on God. You know that's what this is about, don't you? Satan deciding that it was time to rip you from the arms of your Savior? Believe it.

So get out of bed. And get out of the chair. You're strongest on your knees.

alorian
11-09-2006, 08:17 AM
Thanks.

I'm now single. The girl I was planning on proposing to this/next month is no longer a part of me. I put so much into her. I loved her more than she saw or could even realize. I love her more deeply than she could know. I know she loves me, but not the same. She let her mom's words separate us. I let nothing separate us. I want so longingly to wake up from this nightmare. I love her so much.

I'm going back to Colorado.

I feel so lost and confused.

A recent mentor is really helpful.

I'm looking up and seeing that there's a sun beyond the miles of smog in this wretched city. I can't as much see the sun as sense it. I know it's there. I just have to clean all the smog to get to it. The sun is only the beginning. I need the sun for life. I need to reach that

Tromos
11-09-2006, 08:30 AM
I'm sorry. That really sucks.

I hope you find the strength to get out of the smog.

drumchick101
11-09-2006, 12:34 PM
Advice? As I just wrote on Jonathan's thread...I really don't have any. If it doesn't come, it isn't there. But I do know it's about the fight. Not necesarily the results and how you got there, it's about the blood sweat and tears that brought you to wherever you arrive. I'll be praying for you.

><sarah><

dawn of light
11-10-2006, 05:19 AM
I'm really sorry about your girlfriend Seth. I understand what you're going through.

MeNtAlCaSe
11-10-2006, 06:56 AM
Seth, I am VERY familiar with the pain. Remember, I had the same type of thing happen to me. I had my home, 2 of my 3 kids and my life ripped out from under me. I can say now, losing someone you expected to spend your life with is exactly like a death. The more it meant to you, the more it hurts. It will take time man, but you can, by the Grace of God, come out the other side stronger and wiser. It might not seem that way now, but each day WILL get a little better. Like Dave said, you have everything you need to make it out of the tunnel into the sunlight. It sucks at any age, but speaking from experience, God has a way of taking pond scum sucking situations and making incredible good come out of them. For whatever reason, this was not in His will. I'd hazard to guess that means there's someone unbelieveable better out there somewhere.

one day at a time bro. each hour, start putting your life back together. eat, drink, sleep, shower, work.

just hang in there. You got help if you need it, whenever you need it.

alorian
11-11-2006, 04:27 AM
The thing is, there's hope for the future. We might get back together in the future. I would love that, and know she wants that to (she told me). There's one thing I have to do first, and there are some things we'd have to work through. This may be something to strengthen a future relationship. THis could be someone toying with me... I dont' know right now

breakthesilence
11-11-2006, 07:08 AM
God's got a plan. maybe that is how it fits, maybe it isn't. but just trust Him.

alorian
11-13-2006, 02:32 AM
I want all this pain to be over, but it keeps coming. And nightmare after nightmare I just don't wanna be here grah. I need to hear her

MeNtAlCaSe
11-13-2006, 06:34 AM
The pain will be over, it will go away, but it takes time. I wish there was someway that we could learn all we need to learn from a situation, but without the pain, but there isn't. Going through what I've been through, the more intense the pain, the more I had to lean, rely, give up to him. Keep talking, keep sharing. Bottling all this stuff up inside will just make it fester, make it worse. Been there, done that man, I don't want anyone else to make the same mistake, or pay the price.

alorian
11-14-2006, 12:00 AM
I'm at an intense peace right now.

Starbucks5721
11-15-2006, 12:39 PM
Praise the Lord, Seth. You dont know how much I've been praying for you...

alorian
11-17-2006, 06:33 AM
I woke up to unintelligible nightmares and now I'm really not doing so well

kittygirl
11-17-2006, 12:50 PM
Thanks.

I'm now single. The girl I was planning on proposing to this/next month is no longer a part of me. I put so much into her. I loved her more than she saw or could even realize. I love her more deeply than she could know. I know she loves me, but not the same. She let her mom's words separate us. I let nothing separate us. I want so longingly to wake up from this nightmare. I love her so much.

I'm going back to Colorado.

I feel so lost and confused.

A recent mentor is really helpful.

I'm looking up and seeing that there's a sun beyond the miles of smog in this wretched city. I can't as much see the sun as sense it. I know it's there. I just have to clean all the smog to get to it. The sun is only the beginning. I need the sun for life. I need to reach that
what did her mom say to try to tear you guys apart?
Something my grandma (who is a very devisive person, and even tries to screw up MY life too)said to my dad made him rethink marrying my mom, and after they got engaged, she said that marriage is pure hell, that my mom was a lying little rich girl, that he was a loser wasting his life, etc.

So...he said he didn't want to marry my mom. Who needless to say was hurt beyond belief. Mind you....my grandma is and always has been abusive. She beat my dad, and didn't feed him (this is from other sources). The fact that he even listened to her doesn't make sense, because she lied so many other times.

DO NOT listen to destructive people, they want to bring others down, they are tools that break, not build. If your (ex?)girlfriend's mom is devising plans that ruin others happiness, then watch out. That is not from jesus. It's not your ex's fault, it's her moms.

alorian
11-19-2006, 03:06 PM
I totally agree with that. Her mom used to be physically abusive, but now, as far as I know, and as far as I'm told, and as far as I've seen, it's only verbally abusing them mentally and emotionally.

I'm not completely sure about everything she said. Whenever she and Cristine would talk I would be at work or something. *Sigh*

It's hard to think about right now, sorry :( I'm struggling with figuring out how much she actually loved me....

drumchick101
11-19-2006, 04:58 PM
Hang in there and listen to the right voice. Don't forget that you can think yourself to death (although I know you're still trying to sort everything out) and the devil will take advantage of that. Don't forget to hear God and let Him sort this out. Everyday, when you wake up, make the choice to hear Him.

><sarah><

alorian
11-23-2006, 11:47 PM
My nightmares grow exceedingly worse.

dawn of light
11-24-2006, 06:45 AM
Have you been taking sleeping pills? Don't, because they won't help in the long run.

alorian
11-24-2006, 09:27 AM
Nope. I don't even take anything for my headaches lol. They'll diminish in time I'm sure, but I really don't like every dream being a nightmare, and remembering many of them per night, too, and waking up to them many times throughout the night. I wonder how long it will be till I sleep the whole night rhrough :P

*Sigh* I believe I just lost a friend, and I have no idea why. She won't tell me.

dawn of light
11-24-2006, 10:27 AM
That's good. (about not taking sleeping pills).

Philippians 4:7
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I find this verse helps me a lot when I can't get my mind off someone or when someone is preventing me from sleeping.

i am george
11-28-2006, 07:02 PM
my emotions are all jumbled up. i dont know what to feel. alot of times i just want to die but not peacfuly. i dont know what to do. can any one help?

planet_kosmos
11-28-2006, 07:26 PM
I'm praying for you Faith.

alorian
11-29-2006, 08:44 AM
Get into the word.

If you're feeling really weak, and you're not going to open th bible up, then you can go to oneplace.com and download or listen to some sermons *shrugs*