skynes
01-08-2007, 03:22 PM
Yes folks. Jesus is in fact the world's first ninja. Allow me to explain.


Jesus can walk on water.
Jesus can move unheard.
Jesus can disappear.
Jesus can move unseen.
Jesus can enter LOCKED rooms without using the door.
Jesus knows what tree you sat under, even though He wasn't there.
Jesus can disguise Himself soooo well that His closest friends can't recognise Him.
Jesus can break out of His own tomb.
Jesus can freeze people solid and move safely past them.
Jesus cleared out the entire temple, single-handedly!

When you consider this, the truth is undeniable! Jesus is a ninja!

Christ-sama. You deserve our respect.

lamb_servant72
01-08-2007, 03:56 PM
"Let his maker bring near his sword."

pizza brain
01-08-2007, 05:45 PM
Those are pirate skills not ninja skills

BarlowgIRL
01-08-2007, 06:13 PM
No, no, defintly ninja!

skynes
01-09-2007, 02:41 AM
Those are pirate skills not ninja skills

The Bibles says Jesus has a sword, not a cutlass.
Jesus doesn't get drunk out of his mind either.

When was the last time you seen a Pirate be STEALTHY!? You always smell them before you see them!

Jesus is a ninja.

zeroneff
01-09-2007, 05:09 AM
Did you watch telladicka nights The racing Movie

skilletosis
01-09-2007, 05:22 AM
That was cute Skynes. When I read the subject title I thought "oh no, stupid thread alert". Then I saw you started it and I've always enjoyed your posts so then I became intrigued. Then I read the post and I like it!

NightCrawler
01-09-2007, 08:24 AM
Yes folks. Jesus is in fact the world's first ninja. Allow me to explain.
I am not going to argue whether Jesus was a Ninja or not, in fact I would probably say he is more of a idealistic communist. Instead, when do you think Ninjas came to be aside from Jesus?

Also, if Jesus is a ninja and He had disciples, what does that make Peter? (he walked on water too)

skynes
01-09-2007, 08:33 AM
I am not going to argue whether Jesus was a Ninja or not, in fact I would probably say he is more of a idealistic communist. Instead, when do you think Ninjas came to be aside from Jesus?

Also, if Jesus is a ninja and He had disciples, what does that make Peter? (he walked on water too)

Ninjas came to be after Jesus went to Japan with his wife Mary Magdelene and taught Buddhism there *tries to cover snickering very badly*

Peter and the Disciples... they never understood Jesus' teaching properly, they were always questioning it. So they'd be ninja-wannabes that never got past the introduction.

skilletosis
01-09-2007, 10:48 AM
Also, if Jesus is a ninja and He had disciples, what does that make Peter? (he walked on water too)

Peter would be the young grasshopper.

cinnamonxspider
01-09-2007, 01:03 PM
Those are pirate skills not ninja skills

not so much. jesus didn't pillage. and him having a beard has never actually been proven as fact.

kittygirl
01-09-2007, 01:06 PM
Ninjas came to be after Jesus went to Japan with his wife Mary Magdelene and taught Buddhism there *tries to cover snickering very badly*


That's great, that's just great ;D
After they forged tons of paintings, and told Mohhamed that after Jesus died, Mohhamed would be their next leader...

NightCrawler
01-09-2007, 01:14 PM
Ninjas came to be after Jesus went to Japan with his wife Mary Magdelene and taught Buddhism there *tries to cover snickering very badly*

Peter and the Disciples... they never understood Jesus' teaching properly, they were always questioning it. So they'd be ninja-wannabes that never got past the introduction.
Wow.

So... if I want to be more godly, I should take Hapkido?

skynes
01-10-2007, 12:31 AM
Wow.

So... if I want to be more godly, I should take Hapkido?

No, you should take Ninjutsu.

Quadripedman
01-10-2007, 04:05 AM
oh wow. this is the weirdest thread ive ever read by far.

and im a black belt in shotokan. what does that make me?

skynes
01-10-2007, 11:41 AM
oh wow. this is the weirdest thread ive ever read by far.

and im a black belt in shotokan. what does that make me?

Someone who can quick draw a pistol and knock beer cans off a fence (Shot-o-kan)

as~i~lay~dying
01-10-2007, 08:50 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je-r_w5XdWc

Quadripedman
01-12-2007, 12:47 PM
lol, im not good with guns lol...

not to hamper the fun, but its pronounced "sho-toh-kahn

skynes
01-12-2007, 01:09 PM
lol, im not good with guns lol...

not to hamper the fun, but its pronounced "sho-toh-kahn

I know :) I'm pretty good with pronouncing eastern words. But I found it amusing that if you change the pronounciation sliiightly. you get Shot a can.

Quadripedman
01-12-2007, 02:20 PM
kk lol :P

m_money618
01-12-2007, 04:54 PM
of course Jesus is a ninja. where do you all think you got your ninja skills from??

pizza brain
01-12-2007, 04:55 PM
I still say pirate

m_money618
01-12-2007, 10:07 PM
isn't it possible to be both? i guess you can choose what you want to be...

NightCrawler
01-13-2007, 10:16 PM
Someone who can quick draw a pistol and knock beer cans off a fence (Shot-o-kan)
Best joke I've read on here in a LOOONG time.

Love it.
isn't it possible to be both? i guess you can choose what you want to be...
NO. NO. NO.

No. >:(

No pirate ninjas. They are like oil and water. You can set pirates on fire, but not ninjas.

pizza brain
01-13-2007, 10:17 PM
It is posible to be both. Ever heard of a ninja that sails the seven seas and raids ships? I have

NightCrawler
01-13-2007, 10:30 PM
It is posible to be both. Ever heard of a ninja that sails the seven seas and raids ships? I have
Neither Magellan nor Jack Sparrow were ninjas.

pizza brain
01-13-2007, 10:32 PM
You think they were the only pirates?

NightCrawler
01-13-2007, 10:47 PM
You think they were the only pirates?
You think that one can be both. Which is more ridiculous to think?

pizza brain
01-13-2007, 11:07 PM
That they were the only ones DUH! Some Japanese pirates were very ninja like and some ninjas well they had a thing for water

skynes
01-14-2007, 03:00 AM
That they were the only ones DUH! Some Japanese pirates were very ninja like and some ninjas well they had a thing for water


http://www.piratesversusninjas.com/

It is natures law that pirates and ninjas will forever hate one another.


You cannot have a Pirate ninja or a Ninja Pirate. Yes some Ninjas will sail boats and raid ships, but thats only because they're recovering the treasure pirates stole from their Daimyo (feudal lord).

Quadripedman
01-14-2007, 09:47 AM
wow. this is so off topic lol....and Jesus wasnt a pirate, he didnt pillage!

pizza brain
01-14-2007, 11:49 AM
http://www.piratesversusninjas.com/

It is natures law that pirates and ninjas will forever hate one another.


You cannot have a Pirate ninja or a Ninja Pirate. Yes some Ninjas will sail boats and raid ships, but thats only because they're recovering the treasure pirates stole from their Daimyo (feudal lord).


:D you're funny

m_money618
01-14-2007, 12:22 PM
It is posible to be both. Ever heard of a ninja that sails the seven seas and raids ships? I have

they use their sneek skills to raid the ships and beat up people.

pizza brain
01-14-2007, 03:15 PM
they use their sneek skills to raid the ships and beat up people.

Exactly :)

m_money618
01-14-2007, 05:00 PM
Exactly :)

heck yes the pirates taught me my sneek skills

skynes
01-15-2007, 04:56 AM
heck yes the pirates taught me my sneek skills

Pirates dont sneak! Something that SMELLS that bad cannot sneak! You'd smell em before you see them!

anyway they'll just shout "YEEARG!!! ILL HAVE YER GIZZARD FOR LUNCH!" and charge in swinging a cutlass.

pizza brain
01-15-2007, 10:07 AM
I have bad news everyone smelled terrible back then including the ninjas :o

Tromos
01-15-2007, 10:13 AM
Johnny Depp is a pirate. Therefore...

Ninjas. Jesus would never align with Johnny Depp :P

alorian
01-15-2007, 10:16 AM
I didn't.

pizza brain
01-15-2007, 12:14 PM
Johnny Depp is a pirate. Therefore...

Ninjas. Jesus would never align with Johnny Depp :P

Wrong Jesus aligned himself with the scum of the earth and the middle people.

Tromos
01-15-2007, 12:18 PM
Wrong Jesus aligned himself with the scum of the earth and the middle people.

Not at all. Jesus associated Himself with them so that they could align with Him.

skynes
01-15-2007, 02:02 PM
Another thing.

Ninja's do their work steathily from behind the scenes then disappear without you ever having known they were involved.

How often does Jesus do that daily for us? How often did we get delayed 5 mins by a family member being late and in doing so avoided a horrific accident that we'll never know of? How often did we get rejected from one College, only to get to another we love way more (happened to me).

Working behind the scenes... Pure ninja.


Does scripture not say Jesus is enthroned in a pure light you can't look upon? Do Ninjas not use flashbangs to blind their foe?

alorian
01-15-2007, 02:05 PM
Ridiculous :P

pizza brain
01-15-2007, 02:57 PM
Jesus was considered a drunkard and gluten by the religous people of the day so were pirates

skynes
01-16-2007, 02:49 AM
Jesus was considered a drunkard and gluten by the religous people of the day so were pirates

Not at all. They were wrongly accusing His character. When you can't demolish someones work, demolish peoples opinion of their character!

pizza brain
01-16-2007, 07:19 AM
Or mabey it's because the pharasies had legalistic definition of drunkard and gluten that didn't fit what God said

NightCrawler
01-16-2007, 07:34 AM
Really good ninjas don't necessarily have swords.
All good pirates have swords of some sort.

Jesus said those who live by the sword die by the sword. Jesus didn't die by the sword, in fact He is alive right now! Therefore, he doesn't live by the sword.

Now, is anyone gonna say that Jesus was bad at what he does?

Therefore, Jesus is a ninja.

pizza brain
01-16-2007, 07:59 AM
Jesus also told us to get a sward and He is said to have a sward coming from His mouth in Revalation...definatly pirate

skynes
01-16-2007, 08:13 AM
Or mabey it's because the pharasies had legalistic definition of drunkard and gluten that didn't fit what God said

Which only further shows that Jesus is not a pirate.

Jesus also told us to get a sward and He is said to have a sward coming from His mouth in Revalation...definatly pirate

I don't know where it says Jesus told us to get a sword, but the Revelation one is metaphorical ;) Referring to the power of His words.

If Jesus can kill with words, that is a true ninja feat

NightCrawler
01-16-2007, 09:03 AM
Which only further shows that Jesus is not a pirate.



I don't know where it says Jesus told us to get a sword, but the Revelation one is metaphorical ;) Referring to the power of His words.

If Jesus can kill with words, that is a true ninja feat
Pirates talk a lot.

But ninjas speak only when needed.

Which speech will be more deadly do you think?

alorian
01-16-2007, 09:58 AM
Well, a Pirate's breath IS pretty bad..... ;) :P

kittygirl
01-16-2007, 11:21 AM
Pirates talk a lot.

But ninjas speak only when needed.

Which speech will be more deadly do you think?

That's true. Jesus did say (and even the Old Testament says this)not to say too much....

pizza brain
01-16-2007, 12:24 PM
Which only further shows that Jesus is not a pirate.
no



I don't know where it says Jesus told us to get a sword, but the Revelation one is metaphorical ;) Referring to the power of His words.

If Jesus can kill with words, that is a true ninja feat

Not nessicarly

the rocker
01-16-2007, 01:31 PM
You guys are so mislead. It was against Jewish culture to be a ninja or pirate back then. geesh

pizza brain
01-16-2007, 01:58 PM
It was also against their culture to talk to a samaritin woman.

the rocker
01-16-2007, 02:06 PM
True..okay, then he was a ninja. Or pirate, or something. I don't know.

pizza brain
01-16-2007, 02:10 PM
Ok I'll let you know. He was a pirate with super natural powers.

the rocker
01-16-2007, 02:16 PM
That explains the living dead people.

pizza brain
01-16-2007, 02:20 PM
Yes it does.

Quadripedman
01-16-2007, 03:56 PM
That explains the living people.

eh, what living people? if your referring to the people who Jesus raised from the grave, that would be more like, used-to-be-alive-but-then-died-but-are-alive-again people.

NightCrawler
01-19-2007, 02:34 PM
A wise pirate? Or a wise ninja?

A pure pirate? Or a pure ninja?

A loving pirate? Or a loving ninja?

Now, which of these sounds like it COULD be Christ? Ninja on all counts.

pizza brain
01-19-2007, 04:07 PM
No

kybz
01-19-2007, 04:37 PM
This has to be the most wierdest, irrelevant thread I have ever read. :-\

Besides Jesus was neither Pirate nor Ninja...

He is Superman (For want of a better fictional Hero)

m_money618
01-19-2007, 04:53 PM
Jesus is not techincally a ninja, He just has the amazing sneekie skills and coolness of a ninja.

Undomiel
01-19-2007, 07:45 PM
i must say "hmmmm, interesting".....

skynes
01-20-2007, 04:22 AM
This has to be the most wierdest, irrelevant thread I have ever read. :-\

Besides Jesus was neither Pirate nor Ninja...

He is Superman (For want of a better fictional Hero)

But Superman is a jerk. Jesus is cool. Ergo: Ninja = Jesus != Superman.


(And trust me, this is not the wierdest thread on here. Of the wierd threads, this one has the most logical support!)

NightCrawler
01-20-2007, 07:12 AM
But Superman is a jerk. Jesus is cool. Ergo: Ninja = Jesus != Superman.


(And trust me, this is not the wierdest thread on here. Of the wierd threads, this one has the most logical support!)
Only the wierd threads? Come on. This has more support than MOST threads.

Quadripedman
01-21-2007, 04:43 PM
yea. it does...but that makes it even cooler.er.

Undomiel
01-21-2007, 04:49 PM
hmmm, i like this thread...

pizza brain
01-21-2007, 06:03 PM
I would like it more if the title was Jesus is a pirate

Undomiel
01-21-2007, 06:10 PM
well, then start your own thread...

weebird20
01-22-2007, 12:55 PM
But Superman is a jerk.

jealousy...jealousy :P

jade
01-22-2007, 07:11 PM
I must say, this is thread is certainly different, but very amusing nonetheless.

And after reading through all these pages, I have to agree, Jesus is a ninja! 8)

NightCrawler
01-23-2007, 01:40 PM
I must say, this is thread is certainly different, but very amusing nonetheless.

And after reading through all these pages, I have to agree, Jesus is a ninja! 8)
Good!

Logical proof for Jesus' ninjaness:

If pirates exist, then Jesus is a ninja.
Pirates exists.
:. Therefore Jesus is a ninja.

skynes
01-23-2007, 02:35 PM
Don't you mean Illogical proof?

you just committed the logical fallacy of Affirming the Consequent ;)

Spiffles
01-23-2007, 04:59 PM
This thread is only logical if a few major parts of being a ninja are completely ignored.
Deception, sabotage, assassination, espionage..
I'm pretty sure Jesus was never an assassin...

As far as a humour thread though, this thread is successful...

skynes
01-24-2007, 03:25 AM
This thread is only logical if a few major parts of being a ninja are completely ignored.
Deception, sabotage, assassination, espionage..
I'm pretty sure Jesus was never an assassin...

As far as a humour thread though, this thread is successful...

Realistically a ninja was a feudal Japanese version of James Bond (minus the gadgets and girls of course)

But as for your 4 points.

Deception - "Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand." Matt 13:13

Sabotage - "...For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. " 1 John 3:8

Assassination - "Inasmuch then as the children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, " Heb 2:14

Espionage - "Nathanael said to Him, "How do You know me?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." "

Thank you Spiffles, in your attempt to show the illogic of the thread, you've actually reinforced its logic.

NightCrawler
01-24-2007, 08:35 AM
Don't you mean Illogical proof?

you just committed the logical fallacy of Affirming the Consequent ;)
Reread what I said. That was modus ponens, bub. Affirming the consequent would've been:

If Jesus is a ninja, then pirates exist.
Pirates exist.
:. Therefore Jesus is a ninja.

.. which would've been a logical formal fallacy

NightCrawler
01-24-2007, 08:36 AM
Realistically a ninja was a feudal Japanese version of James Bond (minus the gadgets and girls of course)

But as for your 4 points.

Deception - "Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand." Matt 13:13

Sabotage - "...For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. " 1 John 3:8

Assassination - "Inasmuch then as the children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, " Heb 2:14

Espionage - "Nathanael said to Him, "How do You know me?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." "

Thank you Spiffles, in your attempt to show the illogic of the thread, you've actually reinforced its logic.

This just amplified the hilarity of this thread 10 fold.

skynes
01-24-2007, 12:37 PM
I was ONE CHARACTER OFF!!

You said

If P -> Q
P
Therefore Q

I read it as

If P -> Q
Q
Therefore P

thought it was the same...

This just amplified the hilarity of this thread 10 fold.

Yup! The more the idea is contested, the more its truthfulness becomes apparent.

Spiffles
01-24-2007, 01:18 PM
Realistically a ninja was a feudal Japanese version of James Bond (minus the gadgets and girls of course)


Ninja's had gadets too!!!! Just ask the ninja turtles


But as for your 4 points.

Deception - "Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand." Matt 13:13


speaking in parables isnt deception.



Sabotage - "...For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. " 1 John 3:8


you got me on this one, hehe



Assassination - "Inasmuch then as the children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself likewise shared in the same, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, " Heb 2:14


I wouldnt call that assination, but meh, each to his own :P



Espionage - "Nathanael said to Him, "How do You know me?" Jesus answered and said to him, "Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you." "


Thats not espionage, just being obvious with a little common sense. hehe



Thank you Spiffles, in your attempt to show the illogic of the thread, you've actually reinforced its logic.

no worries.. i'm glad me being complete silly gave you that idea. ::] :P



This just amplified the hilarity of this thread 10 fold.

I guess I was successful in what I achieved then :P

skynes
01-24-2007, 01:24 PM
speaking in parables isnt deception.

The purpose of the parables was to cause confusion. To bring about a lack of understanding of the truth. Which was what a Ninjas job of deception was. Cause confusion among enemy soldiers.

I wouldnt call that assination

An assassination differs to a murder in that it is a high ranking official who is killed. Satan is called the Prince of this world. So his planned destruction would be assassination.

Thats not espionage, just being obvious with a little common sense.

Espionage is finding out information without the target realizing it. Jesus knew where he was without him realizing it.

Spiffles
01-24-2007, 01:39 PM
starting to get off topic, *rofl @ offtopic on a silly topic* so this will be my last post on this

The purpose of the parables was to cause confusion. To bring about a lack of understanding of the truth. Which was what a Ninjas job of deception was. Cause confusion among enemy soldiers.
[quote]

par·a·ble (pār'ə-bəl) Pronunciation Key
n. A simple story illustrating a moral or religious lesson.

Simple stories are not desined to ause confusion.. In fact the parable is desined to do the exact opposite.. It is mean to help people understand with a simple picture.

[quote]
An assassination differs to a murder in that it is a high ranking official who is killed. Satan is called the Prince of this world. So his planned destruction would be assassination.

Assassinate
1. to kill suddenly or secretively

I see destruction and assassination as completely different. I dont see how destruction can be done secretively..
but anyways... as I said .. each to his own :P

And Assassination doesnt always have to be a high level official...


p.s. what has Satan got to do with it?? We are talking about Jesus.. lol :P




anyways... now i'm starting to be serious in a thread that isnt meant to be so i'm gonna shut up :D

skynes
01-25-2007, 04:24 AM
par·a·ble (pār'ə-bəl) Pronunciation Key
n. A simple story illustrating a moral or religious lesson.

That's a dictionary definition. Not Jesus' definition. Jesus said that the parables were to confuse them. So that they would hear and see and not understand. The secrets of the parables were for the Disciples to know.

I see destruction and assassination as completely different. I dont see how destruction can be done secretively..
but anyways... as I said .. each to his own

And Assassination doesnt always have to be a high level official...

p.s. what has Satan got to do with it?? We are talking about Jesus.. lol

Allow me to rephrase:

Jesus has planned the assassination of the devil. Heb 2:14

To destroy the devil, kill the devil, assassinate the devil. All ultimately has the same meaning. Even if you kill a high ranking official by blowing up his house. It'll still be called an assassination.

Assassinate
1. to kill suddenly or secretively

Finish the definition:
1. to kill suddenly or secretively, esp. a politically prominent person

NightCrawler
01-25-2007, 08:03 AM
Skynes, drop the parables claim. That isn't a good example of deception.

Stealth:
John 20:
19On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

But as for deception (and more stealth!)
Luke 24:
13Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. 14They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. 15As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; 16but they were kept from recognizing him.
...
30When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"

skynes
01-25-2007, 09:37 AM
Skynes, drop the parables claim. That isn't a good example of deception.


Jesus intentionally used parables so that the listeners would not understand the message. If that is not an example of deception then what is?

19On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

that's Jesus skill to enter locked rooms ninja style ;)

dawn of light
01-25-2007, 10:40 AM
I've got a good one for destruction:
Mark 11:15-16
15On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, 16and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts.

Toppling tables and benches...sounds pretty destructive to me.

Mark 14:58
58We heard him say, 'I will destroy this man-made temple and in three days will build another, not made by man.'

AND He destoyed the temple...

skynes
01-25-2007, 11:21 AM
Mark 14:58
58We heard him say, 'I will destroy this man-made temple and in three days will build another, not made by man.'

AND He destoyed the temple...

Technically He was talking about His own body and having a resurrected form.

But hey, ninja death, ninja resurrection!

And as Agent told me on my blog, clearing out the temple of people is pure Ninja skills

dawn of light
01-25-2007, 07:43 PM
Technically He was talking about His own body and having a resurrected form.
Yes, but it also referred to the temple curtain ripping from floor to ceiling signifying that the High Priest is not the only one any longer to have direct access to God, but that because of Jesus we can all approach God, totally blameless. So it's like He was destroying the old way of doing things...

Spiffles
01-25-2007, 08:14 PM
That's a dictionary definition. Not Jesus' definition. Jesus said that the parables were to confuse them. So that they would hear and see and not understand. The secrets of the parables were for the Disciples to know.


Jesus intentionally used parables so that the listeners would not understand the message. If that is not an example of deception then what is?


Support it with scripture please.


Why would Jesus want to decieve about God's word.. That makes no sense what so ever...



And as Agent told me on my blog, clearing out the temple of people is pure Ninja skills

A skunk could do that too.. Does that make them ninja's?? :D :P

skynes
01-26-2007, 03:57 AM
Why would Jesus want to decieve about God's word.. That makes no sense what so ever...


This is why:

Matt 13:10-11, 13-15

10 And the disciples came and said to Him, "Why do You speak to them in parables?"

11 He answered and said to them, "Because it has been given to you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given.

13 Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand.

14 And in them the prophecy of Isaiah is fulfilled, which says: 'Hearing you will hear and shall not understand, And seeing you will see and not perceive;

15 For the hearts of this people have grown dull. Their ears are hard of hearing, And their eyes they have closed, Lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, So that I should heal them.'

NightCrawler
01-26-2007, 02:32 PM
Okay skynes, maybe it isn't so bad of an example.

Mark 4:
33With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand. 34He did not say anything to them without using a parable. But when he was alone with his own disciples, he explained everything.

He intentionally spoke in parables which prevented them from understanding it plainly, which He graced His ninja cohorts (I mean, disciples) with an explanation as they were taught the ninja ways -- I mean-- became ready.

Undomiel
01-26-2007, 07:15 PM
u guys are still arguing about this subject??

*hahaha*

skynes
01-27-2007, 04:15 AM
It's a perfectly valid subject.

My next thought is that Jesus is a zombie.

There are two requirements for being a zombie:

1. You must have been dead, yet came back from the dead.

2. You must eat flesh (eat my flesh and drink my blood anyone?)

korey_cooper_jr
01-27-2007, 05:54 AM
Jesus can freeze people solid and move safely past them.

Hm... I missed this one. Where in the Bible did it talk about this?

skynes
01-27-2007, 08:38 AM
Luke 4: 18-30
28 So all those in the synagogue, when they heard these things, were filled with wrath,

29 and rose up and thrust Him out of the city; and they led Him to the brow of the hill on which their city was built, that they might throw Him down over the cliff.

30 Then passing through the midst of them, He went His way.


Hmmm... doesn't say what I thought it did after all... But even so, the ability to escape an angry mob intent on killing you, the mob to the front of you, a cliff to the back and walking right through them, unharmed, unattacked. Is pure Ninja l33tness.

lamb_servant72
01-27-2007, 08:59 AM
I was wondering if Luke 4:30 had been mentioned. He eluded the Jews grasp again in John 10:39.

Quadripedman
01-27-2007, 05:49 PM
so, Jesus is a ninja zombie. thats cool.

skynes
01-28-2007, 03:54 AM
so, Jesus is a ninja zombie. thats cool.

He raised people from the dead, and raised Himself from the dead.

So he's a Master Necromancer Ninja Zombie. ;)

I was wondering if Luke 4:30 had been mentioned. He eluded the Jews grasp again in John 10:39.

I mentioned Luke 4:30, 20 minutes before you did. The post riiiight above yours, lol.

John 10:39 is a good one too.

Quadripedman
01-28-2007, 01:47 PM
Wow. and my friends think that im weird. ;D

NightCrawler
01-29-2007, 06:26 AM
He raised people from the dead, and raised Himself from the dead.

So he's a Master Necromancer Ninja Zombie. ;)

I mentioned Luke 4:30, 20 minutes before you did. The post riiiight above yours, lol.

John 10:39 is a good one too.

Now you've gone too far.

kybz
01-30-2007, 04:18 AM
ok, ok... wait, wait...!

Let me pull myself together again after reading this hilarity...

So Jesus is now a what... *rereads posts*

a Master Necromancer Ninja Zombie?

I love it!

*new idea for a religion coming to mind...*

;D ;D

skynes
01-30-2007, 02:48 PM
Allow me to explain

Master Necromancer.

A Necromancer by fantasy terms is someone who can raise people from the dead - Check

A Master Necromancer is someone who can raise HIMSELF from the dead - Check

A Zombie is a dead person brought back to life - Check

Zombies also promote the eating of flesh - Check

Ninjas... well that's been covered.

So we have a Master Necromancer Ninja Zombie.

Anyone else got one to add?

NightCrawler
01-31-2007, 06:01 AM
Ninjas are real, are master necromancers real?

Keep in mind also that God raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 10:9), technically not Himself.

skynes
01-31-2007, 06:56 AM
Ninjas are real, are master necromancers real?

Keep in mind also that God raised Jesus from the dead (Romans 10:9), technically not Himself.

And Jesus said in John 2:19 "Jesus answered and said to them, "Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up." "

---

Off topic - It also says in Romans 8:11 "But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. "

So we have God raising Jesus from the dead, Jesus raising Himself from the dead and the Holy Spirit raising Jesus from the dead.
I think that's good trinity evidence...

Tromos
01-31-2007, 07:52 AM
Anyone else got one to add?

How about the eternal damnation of your soul for perpetuating this blasphemous absurdity?

No?

Carry on, then. ;D

skynes
01-31-2007, 09:12 AM
How about the eternal damnation of your soul for perpetuating this blasphemous absurdity?

No?

Carry on, then.

The way I see it, is that God is directly responsible for creating me with such a preposterous sense of humour. So He will become a target of that now and again.

For all I know He probably gets kicks out of the wackiness I create.

Tromos
01-31-2007, 11:00 AM
The way I see it, is that God is directly responsible for creating me with such a preposterous sense of humour.

You could, of course, ride that argument to all sorts of heretical destinations. But this isn't really the place.


For all I know He probably gets kicks out of the wackiness I create.


Oh I'm sure He gets a kick out of something. Either your sense of humor or the eventual look on your face when you find out what it cost you. :o ;D




(This is all in jest, of course. I'm in no position to judge anyone's spiritual fitness based on their sense of humor. I can only hope that God forgives mine)

newday_7
02-01-2007, 09:49 PM
I quite enjoy the idea of Jesus being a ninja. When i was young i went through this phase where all i wanted to be was a ninja (i know kinda sad... i wasn't a normal little boy from the start okay) and everything seems to make sense for jesus... excpet that ninjas are often associated with assassination... but He can a non killer assassin ninja i'm sure ^.^

skynes
02-02-2007, 01:58 AM
I quite enjoy the idea of Jesus being a ninja. When i was young i went through this phase where all i wanted to be was a ninja (i know kinda sad... i wasn't a normal little boy from the start okay) and everything seems to make sense for jesus... excpet that ninjas are often associated with assassination... but He can a non killer assassin ninja i'm sure ^.^

I already answered the assassination bit. :P

The assassination wasn't as common as most people think. Our culture has exaggerated that heavily. Most of their work was espionage and scouting.

Think Japanese MI6 and you're not far off.

Quadripedman
02-02-2007, 01:05 PM
I already answered the assassination bit. :P

The assassination wasn't as common as most people think. Our ure has exaggerated that heavily. Most of their work was espionage and scouting.

Think Japanese MI6 and you're not far off.

or fbi/cia for americans:lick:

jade
02-02-2007, 01:11 PM
You know, whole ninja thing would make for a great college paper. I'm not sure what kind of class is would work for ... but I'm sure there are probably plenty out there.

skynes
02-03-2007, 02:51 AM
You know, whole ninja thing would make for a great college paper. I'm not sure what kind of class is would work for ... but I'm sure there are probably plenty out there.

Either Creative Writing or insult Jesus at some atheist philisophical college.

newday_7
02-04-2007, 10:07 PM
heh yes. Although in my opinion. Being called a ninja is quite the compliment. far from an insult ^.^

Aragornsgirl217
02-13-2007, 04:36 PM
isn't it possible to be both? i guess you can choose what you want to be...

Of course it's possible!! I'm one!!! DUH!

Anyone heard of askaninja.com? HI-LARIOUS!

~Nickie

NightCrawler
02-15-2007, 07:36 AM
I'm takin' Hapkido at CMU this semester. Surely this is the Lord's will.

NightCrawler
02-28-2007, 06:09 AM
Ninjas stress self-control. Jesus did also.
Pirates stress self-indulgence. Jesus did not.

I Bite
03-01-2007, 08:59 PM
I quite enjoy the idea of Jesus being a ninja. When i was young i went through this phase where all i wanted to be was a ninja (i know kinda sad... i wasn't a normal little boy from the start okay) and everything seems to make sense for jesus... excpet that ninjas are often associated with assassination... but He can a non killer assassin ninja i'm sure ^.^

and i thought all little boys wanted to be ninjas...maybe my brother has something wrong with him too....:-/

NightCrawler
03-02-2007, 01:58 PM
Some pagans want to be pirates.

Quadripedman
03-02-2007, 02:34 PM
hey im a black belt in shotokan karate. which ive probally alredy said. but tis cool to talk about...

NightCrawler
03-03-2007, 07:05 AM
hey im a black belt in shotokan karate. which ive probally alredy said. but tis cool to talk about...
Why broadcast heirarchy? It's like saying "hey! hit me!"

Quadripedman
03-09-2007, 02:07 PM
Hey! Hit me!

sorry, but anyway good point. i think i was like half asleep when i wrote that, i mean i put "tis"....