V-Ball Queen 32
04-03-2007, 06:31 PM
How can you be sure how far someone wants to go with you? A guy and I like each other, but we haven't started a relationship and I want to know what he wants. I want it more simple, and if he gets 'bored' with me, then I don't want to start anything meaninglessly/have him cheat on me so he gets what he wants and we're still technically together. How can you tell if he might be cheating on you? Also, how do you talk to him about this without scaring him beyond all reason?

The Lamma
04-03-2007, 06:39 PM
ooh... Tricky. There is a girl I know, and I want to keep it simple with her, so I kinda understand what you mean. But how do you know if he might be cheating on you? Well, how does he treat you? If you answer that, I might be able to answer a bit more.

V-Ball Queen 32
04-03-2007, 06:54 PM
We're not even going out yet, so I'm more preparing ahead of time. How would he be treating me that should make me suspicious?

What I really want to know, though, is how to talk to him about what he wants for us together. I'm not sure how to bring up the subject without it being to akward . . .then no more need for that discussion!

forceflow17
04-03-2007, 07:01 PM
dont know what to tell you, cant really speak for that guy and what he wnts. all guys are different

V-Ball Queen 32
04-03-2007, 07:04 PM
How can I talk to him about what he wants without scaring him off of sounding weird?

forceflow17
04-03-2007, 07:06 PM
not sure. it wouldn't bother me personally for a couple of reasons

1 it would show that the girl wasn't looking for a shallow fling

2 i know it must be hard for girls not knowing what we're thinking and exactly what we want.

i will pray for you, and i guess i advise you to just ask him. if he blows you off, or gets mad he's probably not worth your time anyway.

SlitWrist
04-03-2007, 09:22 PM
i would say just talk to him like the other dude said if he runs he wasnt worth it better to get it out then holdin it in and bein treated like crap or never findin out what it coulda been

timmyrotter
04-03-2007, 09:25 PM
What do guys want?
simple... sex.

agent_c68
04-04-2007, 02:12 AM
simple... sex.

maybe a bit oversimplified...

What I really want to know, though, is how to talk to him about what he wants for us together. I'm not sure how to bring up the subject without it being to akward . . .then no more need for that discussion!

First, awkward isn't always a bad thing. we can't always be smooth and cool with what we say and how we act. But it can also be good to be cautious about it, especially in emotional situations. Don't confess your undying love for him, but also don't be avoid bringing up the subject of dating and stuff either.

One idea, instead of asking directly about dating, for example, ask about some general thoughts about it. For example, some time in a casual and comfortable setting (this helps), ask him what his ideal first date with someone would be. Discuss a topic like that, it helps him know that you are thinking about it and may lead into a more serious conversation later on.

frymeskillet
04-04-2007, 08:17 AM
My personal convictions are that of a person looking at marriage. What do we date for? We date to find a mate (that rhymes!), we date for marriage.

Therefore, when looking at a guys perspective of relationships, you might want to find out how he stands with subjects such as cheating and premarital sex. When asking him, though it may be awkward, just say it right out, there's no reason for beating around the bush.

Also, you might want to look at the subject a bit differently...Why does everything you do have to be what he wants. I say if you are so worried about what he's going to want in a relationship, that maybe he might get "bored with you", then maybe you should look on to bigger and better things.

In all kindness, It might be a better idea to be sure of your priorities towards what you want in a relationship and start looking for guys that apply to what you want first, instead of trying to cater to want they want. Rushing into something because you heart is telling you yes, doesn't mean you're in love. It is better to figure out the difference between your heart and your mind first.

Anyways, with maturity comes understanding. My best advice: wait. Wait until you understand the opposite sex better than you do now. Even though that is almost impossible to figure out completely, it will ultimately help things 100% in the future.

(Sorry, if I have offended you, I tend to be brutally honest with my opinions. ;) )

alorian
04-04-2007, 08:22 AM
I don't think you should go into relationships with such suspicions. Going into a relationship thinking a guy is going to cheat on you isn't the smartest thing to do. If a guy is likely to cheat on you then I wouldn't date him. That's my advice.

Grunge=Fun
04-04-2007, 11:05 AM
frymeskillet has it said perfectly. ask yourself why you want a relationship as well. Are you looking for a lifelong partner? Or are you simply just bored and is it just your body telling you to seek out what your hormones want?

frymeskillet
04-04-2007, 11:43 AM
Yes, That's what I was trying to say without sounding like a complete witch. It's a new leaf I'm trying to accomplish :P

alienyouth9292
04-04-2007, 12:19 PM
simple... sex.




::]

kittygirl
04-04-2007, 04:56 PM
my advice:be friends

I Bite
04-04-2007, 05:02 PM
my advice:be friends

that is exactly what i was thinking.

DarkestRose
04-04-2007, 05:26 PM
I agree that friendships are probably best for high school and maybe even college age. I have the perspective that dating should be for the purpose of marriage, and there isn't much use in engaging in dating relationships before you're able to make that commitment.

timmyrotter
04-04-2007, 07:58 PM
How can you be sure how far someone wants to go with you? A guy and I like each other, but we haven't started a relationship and I want to know what he wants. I want it more simple, and if he gets 'bored' with me, then I don't want to start anything meaninglessly/have him cheat on me so he gets what he wants and we're still technically together. How can you tell if he might be cheating on you? Also, how do you talk to him about this without scaring him beyond all reason?

i wouldnt pour all this on him, unless you are really good friends. just establish boundaries, let him know your morals, and if he cares for you, he will respect that. but also know, that if you do exceed your boundaries, you are at fault as much as he is. unless of course he rapes you... the most important thing to know about relationships is that for every action, there is a reaction. remember that there are consequences for everything you do, good or bad, so look ahead before you act, and think of what good or bad will come out of your action.

The Lamma
04-04-2007, 08:02 PM
Do you guys talk any? And yeah, start out as friends. But really, if you have any suspicions, there is a reason for them. Does he treat you with respect? Does he even know you exist?

skynes
04-05-2007, 10:06 AM
Not a single person suggested praying about it?


Kelsey, pray about it.

Psalm 47:

4 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.

^ In other words the desires of our heart, the very desires themselves are given to us by God. By relying on him to provide them and guide the way to them, He will grant the desire.

Right now you seem to desire wisdom and understanding,

James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

specifically I would pray for Wisdom, that God's Will be done and that this guys character and heart would become clear. Furthermore that God will guide you in relationships, blocking off all relationships that He doesn't want for you.

I warn you now, If God answers that last bit, sometimes will be a real pain when there's someone you want and everything blocks you from getting him.

forceflow17
04-05-2007, 10:21 AM
i told her i would pray(and i did)

skynes
04-05-2007, 11:30 AM
i told her i would pray(and i did)

True, but noone suggested that she should pray, which is what I meant.

The Lamma
04-05-2007, 12:58 PM
Oh yeah, Skynes is right. I've been praying for wisdom, and another would be patience for the right time. Never jump into a relationship unprepared.

SlitWrist
04-08-2007, 01:39 PM
i say ask him out and see what happens..what the worst can happen your together for awhile and you break up...o well you move on and try again you will never know if you dont try....and if your god is so forgiving he will for give and wrong doings you do...thats my 2 cents

Maxdude360
04-08-2007, 02:02 PM
Oh yeah, Skynes is right. I've been praying for wisdom, and another would be patience for the right time. Never jump into a relationship unprepared.

thats exactly wat ive been doing and ive been patient. she is starting to act more and more like she wants to go out with me and ive been praying about it for a while so i plan on askin her out soon

V-Ball Queen 32
04-15-2007, 02:12 PM
Well, we never did go out and now he's with someone else, so that makes my decision life a lot less complicated. I kind of miss him, but I guess I need to move on. At least he doesn't hate me or anything.

Thanks a lot for the advice. I can always use it later on, too. :) I guess that ends this thread.

theelectric3
04-15-2007, 06:48 PM
How can I talk to him about what he wants without scaring him off of sounding weird?


being upfront in what you want in a relationship at this point in your life is not weird. it's smart.

if it scares him off, ok. i think that's a better alternative to heartbreak.

and i see now that i am late in replying to this... but at least there is no question and it's clear.


I guess that ends this thread.
i'll go ahead and close this thread then. if you would like it re-opened just talk to one of the moderators. :)