Relinquished
04-05-2007, 09:09 AM
I have a wonderful story - A story of a family re-united, holes filled and questions answered. Past transgressions forgiven and things begun a new. Broken hearts, and torn souls. This is the story of my life.

For about 15 years I lived with my Dad, with no mother to hold me when I was crying, tell me things where alright when I was upset. Grill me when I insulted a girl, and didn't know it. Show me how to be soft, when the world around me was hard. I had to teach myself.

My Dad ran his own business since I was 8 years old, and he became extremely successful through this, problem is, he was always at work, never home. Which meant in return that I was at work, I stayed where he was. I went to a private christian school for 6 years, and for all of those 6 years I had to stay after school in day-care for 3 hours til he could pick me up.

Time went on, and he started dating a few women, which I thought was kinda cool, he kept dating all these really pretty girls, and they were super nice. Then finally he married one. Her name was Lisa. At first she was really nice to me and Dad, following thier marriage, she became verbally and phsyically abusive to me, I was only 6 years old, and she hated me for being a Christian. (She was atheist... Did I spell that right?) Anyway - after about a year my Dad got sick of her and divorced. 6 Months later he was dating another woman, Tina.

Now Tina, had 2 children older than I am. 1 girl, and 1 boy. I used to think they were really cool and I got to hang out with them everyday. I always wanted to have siblings, and they were as close as I could get. Soon after we spent all day, every day with them. I grew sick of it. By that time I was about 10 years old. So I started to lie to them to get rid of them. I just wanted my Dad to myself again.

It totally didn't work. She stuck around, and married my Dad when I was 12. Then everything was fine for about... 5 months or so. Then I really started to get sick of them being around. I started to pray for them to go away, but since that is a rediculous request it wasn't answered. And my Dad loved this woman, so I did what I could to keep myself occupied and out of trouble. I wanted my Dad to be happy more than myself.

Then when I started to feel completely ignored I started to do things that were wrong, and I knew it. I stole from my step-sister and left the stuff in the open so I would be caught. I started looking at porn on the internet and letting my step-mom find it. I kept getting grounded. But no real attention from my Dad, just more from my Step-Mom.

By this time I was 14, and I made a desision I didn't want Tina in my life anymore. So I started doing anything I could to make her hate being near me. Then when I was about 15, in the middle of the school years first quater, I was found again doing something I shouldn't do, which I was happy about, because it was the last straw on Tina and I finally got kicked from the house. But wait! That wasn't what I wanted! I wanted her to leave! How could my Dad do this to me?!??!?!

Me and my Dad spent the weekend in his office at work talking and spending time together before I flew out to california to live with my Grandparents. Following my move out there, I was overly disappointed about the outcome of what I had done, but at the same time I was happy to be rid of Tina. But I was still upset, and I ate myself from 200 lbs to 250 lbs in a few months. (After which I began going to the gym).

I tried going to public School in Cali, but the disrespect for the teachers drove me insane. You just don't do that to teachers in Arkansas (Where I grew up). So I started home schooling with www.themorningstaracademy.net.

It was about 1 year and 3 months since I was kicked out, and I had started to re-develop my relationship with God, and strengthen myself.

Soon after new years (I think it was around the 14th) I was leaving my Great-Aunts house and said one last prayer about my Mom. Then I got an instant responce, that hit me HARD in the head and heart. It said simply this - Find them.

I rushed to my computer the moment I got home and typed in my Moms old highschool on the off chance she went to her High School reunion. She did, and I found her email adress! I was stoked to say the least. I litterally started to cry that moment. I sent her an email, and prayed that it was really her.

Within 2 hours I got a responce, my REAL Mom was REALLY there, and she missed me. I found out that I had 2 beautiful little sisters and 1 great little brother (Half siblings). 2 of them where twins, my brother, and the older of my 2 sisters. It wasn't even 3 days before I met my Mom, and my 3 siblings at a resturant in California. I went with my Dad who had flown out for 19 hours to ONLY be there for me and be my support while meeting my family I had never known. (He may have done somethings in the past to me, that some would hate their Dads for, but no matter what I love him with my whole heart.)

There were no tears, only smiles. I finally felt the embrace of my mother, something I had yearned for all of my life. She answered my questions on why she left. She said she really loved both me and my Dad but, at the time she was completely and totally confused, and made a mistake. One that she regretted. I didn't really care what had happened in the past, I just wanted my Momma! It felt so good to be able to say "I love you Momma!" to her.

Then I met my siblings, my wonderful, loving siblings! Jordan, the older of the 2 sisters, Jonathan, my little brother, and Morgan, my baby sister! We sat and talked for hours in that resturant, asking questions about our likes and dislikes. How life has been, just random stuff anyone would ask family they never met.

Following that, me and my newly found family spend 6 weekends together. Because I had to move on the 7th back to Arkansas with my Grandparents (The people I live with). Every week, I cherish in my heart, the memories, smiles, and simple things I never got to experience that others take for granted. We went to Disney Land 2 times, and had a blast! Lots of other things as well, just the whole time being around them my heart was filled with joy, and I didn't want to leave that moment. Being around them made me complete. Seeing my Mom, completed me, and made me realize that God is so amazing that he allows miracles to come forth from chaos.

Then soon reality set in that I had to move to Arkansas again, and I desired more than anything to stay there with them. It made saying good bye even harder. I do get to see them this summer but my heart still aches from rarely getting to talk with them.

My soul, and heart were torn between 2 places, and 2 families. They still are torn. Me and my Grandparents had come out for a visit to Arkansas to visit friends and see my Dad again. Then we decided that we needed to move back to Arkansas and live there again. But that was before I even thought about finding my Mom and Siblings. Which is why my heart was torn. I needed my Father, but I needed my Mother more. She is a blessing to me, and my siblings are more than I had ever wished for. But on the other hand my Dad had raised me to be who I am today, and I really missed him alot. But I had decided that if I could find a way I would even stay in an appartment living by myself to stay near my Mom, my Dad would just have to pay for it. :-\

So that was a bust. We had already picked out a house to move into temporarily while a new home was being built in Arkansas and we couldn't change plans... So I had to move even if I didn't want to. Now that I am in arkansas, my Dad is opening up a Christian Coffee Shop/Clothing Store/Book/Music Store, and I will be applying there for work.

I try to call and talk to my siblings and my Mother every day. I don't always get a hold of them, and sometimes a part of me thinks that they just don't want to talk to me, that maybe I am unwanted. Then I when I finally get a hold of Mom she reassures me that they do want to talk to their big brother, and she to her eldest son. (Me ;D ) And even still I doubt it some times.

Everyday I pray to God that I can gain peace of mind, and heart about my life as it is now. I struggle from day to day, thinking I am worthless at times, and mad that I can't move forward with much of my life that I had lost over 1 year ago. I search everyday for an outlet, and the Gym is #1 on that list for physical activity. Days that I can't go to the gym, I am a very hard person to be around, and I am praying day in and day out to change that. I search constantly for Christian Books written for teens that will set a fire to my soul once again, and rid me of my feelings of failure.

In the end. It comes down to the glory of God, none of this would have happened if he weren't real, and cares about his children. Many people that hear my story, think that they would hate their mother for all eternity, as I once thought when I was younger. But after much prayer before I met her, I came to forgive her for leaving, and a realization that without everything that happened I wouldn't be who I am today. Someone who loves God, his family, and is loved by his family in return. (My Mom, and siblings are Christians as well)

And as to Tina, and my Dad - I am growing to regret my descision to do what I did, every day, and praying that I can forgive myself, as well as them, for what happened. Maybe some day soon I can move back in with them, and try again to be a better person, than who I was. The saying 2 wrongs don't make a right, is true. I did a wrong, and they did a wrong back to me. It ended up being a 3rd wrong when I moved away. But forgiveness and prayer will restore all things.

~Relin~

Relinquished
04-05-2007, 09:10 AM
4 things are for sure though - I love God, I love my Dad, I love my Momma!, And I love my Siblings. All of them with my whole heart, and I hurt every day I can't talk to them. All 6 of these people are my entire life, as well as my Grandparents that are here for me everyday.

Thanks for reading this story!

~Relin~

skynes
04-05-2007, 09:49 AM
You had quite the screwed up past. I'm definitely glad it's on the road to recovery.

Relinquished
04-05-2007, 10:23 AM
You had quite the screwed up past. I'm definitely glad it's on the road to recovery.

As true as your reply is, my life is obsurdly not as messed up as much of the worlds population can attest to. I used to pity myself about my situation until I met someone who had gone through something similar, but when he met his mom, he didn't want anything to do with her. Other than his little sister and brother, he rarely sees his other family. His testimony about his regret for that choice, inspired me to forgive my mom, along with prayer. Recently I have decided to share my testimony in ways that I find I can. Although my own story is still developing and more is going into this testimony. My intention in posting here, was not to gain pity, rather, it was to gain knowledge of peoples reactions to my story.

~Relin~

skynes
04-05-2007, 10:26 AM
That wasn't pity, that was my reaction.

Relinquished
04-05-2007, 10:28 AM
That wasn't pity, that was my reaction.

Mistaken for pity... My bad. Many people in RL that heard that used your reaction as a pity response.:-[

~Relin~

skynes
04-05-2007, 10:30 AM
Mistaken for pity... My bad. Many people in RL that heard that used your reaction as a pity response

Ah. If you wanna call it anything, call it empathy. My childhood wasn't exactly fantastic either.

tds
04-05-2007, 03:42 PM
I am the mother of this Wonderful young man and I am extremely proud of him! It takes a lot to be able to pour your heart out this way.

I love you - always have, always will!

Love, Momma.

jade
04-05-2007, 06:27 PM
Just goes to show how great our God is. Thanks for sharing.

Relinquished
04-06-2007, 07:10 AM
I am the mother of this Wonderful young man and I am extremely proud of him! It takes a lot to be able to pour your heart out this way.

I love you - always have, always will!

Love, Momma.

Momma? :o

theelectric3
04-12-2007, 05:19 PM
:)

we have a wonderful Father.

dawn of light
04-12-2007, 07:03 PM
Wow.

That is a really great story, thanks for sharing. It sounds like such a dream to me.

I've never known my father, [never met him actually], grew up with a step-father who didn't want to be a father to me. I kind of have a secret wish that I'll meet him one day and we'll end up having a really great relationship.

Looking for your mom must have taken a lot of courage, I really admire that. [the fear of rejection has me stopped dead in my tracks when it comes to looking.]