06-24-2007, 07:05 PM
My family has been messed up my whole life, but things have been getting worse and worse lately. Everyone has a bad temper, me, my mom, my sister, my dad. We all have the tendency to fly off the deep end over the most ridiculous and harmless stuff. It seems like we can't go a single day without some of us getting into a fight.
My dad was the worst about losing it over something stupid for a long time, but now my sister is giving him a real run for his money. When the two of them butt heads, you never know what is going to happen. They scream and cuss and throw whatever is in reach. If you even say a word to either of them, or try to break up the fight at all, you run the risk of getting your head bitten off.
The worst part is that everyone uses everyone else's tempers as an excuse to let their's run unchecked. We all seem to have some backlog of every time one of our other family members has wronged us. So if you ever try to call someone down when they start screaming at you for no good reason, they drag up every single time you've lost your cool at them in the past. It's ridiculous, and it only makes things a hundred times worse.
With everyone feeling justified in their tempers, you can probably guess that things have been escalating. It used to be we could go a week or two without some major blow up. Then it happened every week, twice a week, three times, now nearly every day. It's gotten to the point where I am literally afraid for the physical safety of myself and my family. There was a time when I was much younger where things were just a little worse than this, and I still remember it very clearly. I lived every day of my life in terror of my family's tempers. My dad would throw things (he put several holes in the walls and broke nearly half of our dishes), scream, cuss, and threaten to beat us. He did beat my brothers before I was born. I still remember a day when my dad was pitching a fit about something, and throwing everything in his way, and he nearly hit me in the head with something hard. The only thing that kept it from hitting me was the fact that I saw it coming, and I ducked.
I thought that part of my life was behind me, but it now seems to be coming back. I feel so stressed out and terrified all the time. It's like I'm walking on eggshells. Any comment you make, no matter how meaningless it may be to you, could cause someone to lose their temper. It's dangerous in my house when people get angry like this. Only a few days ago, I nearly stepped on some nails in our laundry room, because my dad couldn't find something in there earlier that day and had thrown his tools all over the place.
My sister and I used to get along, now she cusses me out every time I do something she doesn't like. It seems like no matter what I say, she always just tells me to "shut the f-up", and no matter what I do, she calls me a b**** for it.
I hate it, it's not fair. I'm finding myself getting just as bitter and angry as the rest of them. Every time they yell at me it takes most of my willpower not to just haul off and punch them. I catch myself thinking about all the mean things I could do to them to make them regret shouting at me. It's horrible. Even my mom, who isn't as bad as the rest of us, makes me mad. She never does anything, she has always just turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to all tempers in our house.

Anyway, everyone in my family has prayed about this. My older siblings and my mother and I have been praying for years. It got better for a while, but like I said, things are now going straight back to hell in a handbasket. To be perfectly honest, we've been praying about this for so long to no avail that I'm starting to lose all hope in this situation. It feels like my family will never change. I'm just so sick of being scared of them all the time.
So I guess I just want some cool heads not caught up in this crappy situation to pray about it. We really nead help.

06-24-2007, 09:05 PM
i know (somewhat) how you feel; me and my dad get into bad arguements, and wont speak to eachother for a very long time. its aweful. praying right now.

06-25-2007, 07:34 AM
I'll be praying for you family. And praying for your hope.

06-27-2007, 10:13 AM
Maybe you are spending to much time together

06-27-2007, 12:35 PM
I know it's hard to believe anyone when they say they know what you're going through, but trust me when i say i know exactly what you're going through.
Since a very young age, my family's been the same way. On top of the tempers and anger, we (three of us, my father, my brother and I) have depression. My case is mild compared to theirs, which is extremely severe. Fights always resulted in my mom or sister trying to break it up, and at times i was afraid to sleep because i thought that if i woke up in the morning, my brother, my father, or everyone would be dead in the morning. The police and several hospitals were involved in a few fights... i remember a lot of them really clearly and some kind of vaguely... I just remember a lot. These days, my brother is living at my uncle's place, and my Dad's working a lot and sleeping when he's not. My sister works and is never at home, always either away at college, at her job, or with her friends and boyfriend. My mom just got a new job after my grandmother who she used to take care of full time passed away. Basically, we dont spend much time together anymore, which i guess is good. Not saying we havent had a lot of fights this year, but i was never scared of injuries, (at least recently).

Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that you shouldnt cherish your family- but it's hard to do when everyone's screaming at eachother. You guys should try spending a bit of time apart. Too many people in one small cramped house can get to you, trust me. Although, these days, without everyone, it does get kindof lonely, so careful what you wish for i guess.

Family life's never going to be perfect, but i'll keep yours in my prayers. Good luck, and if you need to talk- trust me, i'm hear to listen.<3

07-02-2007, 12:52 AM
question, have you just been praying, or have you been working to change it at all? one of the things you can try to do is talking to people privately and try and start to do the mending and if not(i'm not sure your age but...) call the non emergency police number, talk to them, they could send an officer out to figure out what is best, and if anything put you in a foster home.

07-02-2007, 03:14 PM
I don't know about foster care. If my family were that way, I would still want to stay with them versus stay in a foster home with people I don't know.

07-02-2007, 08:01 PM

07-02-2007, 10:45 PM
right, but it might not be the best for them

07-03-2007, 06:52 AM
The problem with my family is there is little to no communication at all, so it's nearly impossible to get someone talking about a sensitive subject. Most of the time that just ends in another fight. I have tried, in the past, to talk to my family about this kind of stuff, but it never resulted in anything.
Like I said in my original post, everyone feels justified in behaving the way they do. If you even suggest to my mom that all of us (including and/or especially her) are part of the problem and not just dad, she goes ballistic. Screaming, crying, you name it. She's bogged herself down into some self-righteous martyr mindset, sticking it out with this horrible husband for the sake of the kids.
My dad always has an excuse to get angry. It doesn't matter why, it's always our fault. Something WE did to make him mad, especially my sister and me. The way he treats us, it makes me think he honestly believes we're some horrible trouble-making kids. Most of the time it's me and my sister that take the brunt of his temper. He has the "man-of-the-house" complex pretty bad. In other words, he's always right, no matter how wrong he is, and the lowly women aren't allowed to call him down on anything at all.
My sister has led herself to believe she has some undiagnosed mental illness, so she can't be held responsible for her actions at all. Granted, my sister did have what was close to a nervous breakdown a few years ago, though not quite as bad, as a result of one of the many fights she's had with my dad. However, I do not believe at all that the way she behaves is the result of a mental illness. She acts like a spoiled child. Ask her to do what she doesn't want to do, you're a brat and a nag. MAKE her do something she doesn't want to do, your a b****, F-Face, etc. Refuse to let her walk all over you, she uses enough language to make a sailor blush, in an attempt to scare you out of standing up to her. Because I've seen these behaviors taking root and escalating into what they are now over the years, I think they are the direct result of laziness on her part. Refusal to develop or exercise self-control. NOT, as she claims, some mystery illness.

All in all, whoever is angry at the moment is right, and everyone else is wrong. And just talking about someone's temper usually results in said temper flaring up. Again, communication in this house is pretty much non-existant. On any given day, I doubt that any member of this house says more than ten sentences to the other members. Unless, of course, there's an argument, in which case all sorts of nasty, hateful things fly out of their mouth.

I really do not want to involve police in this situation, because I know my family can get better, but if we are just taken away from each other, there won't be any changes made. My family has the tendency to just push things under the rug. Out of sight, out of mind, basically. It would be kind of pointless, anyway, because I'll be 18 later this year, and if my understanding of the foster care system is correct, you can't stay in once you are 18. My sister is almost 20.
I have no doubt in my mind that my family is in desperate need of some counseling, but even if we could afford it, my dad would never go. He seems to believe that all psychiatrists are quacks.

Honestly I have no idea what I could possibly do. I've tried talking, it doesn't work. Counseling is out of the question. Involving the authorities seems counter-productive. What else is there besides praying?

07-05-2007, 12:10 AM
Praying seems to be the best option, but we'll pray with you.

07-06-2007, 01:45 AM
Me too!! Me and my Dad get into REALLY big fights, and sometimes we will go weeks without talking....but that is really nothing compared to what you are going through!!!!!